The Gay Gasp Guide To Life

  1. Thirst traps are encouraged but if you caption them with inspirational quotes I swear to god I’ll put a slug in your ear.
  2. If you take a break from or leave Facebook don’t post about it. Show us don’t tell us.
  3. Don’t hate on other gay people for eating at Chick-fil-A when you still go to Whataburger. You know they probably love Jesus just as much but they’re just smart enough not to tell you.
  4. If you post a screen shot without cropping it I reserve the right to pull out your ball hairs with a tweezer.
  5. Asking to see my private pics means you’re probably too ugly to see them.
  6. If you have a picture of just your lips on GROWLr you should lose the right to vote.
  7. You should be angry that your private pics haven’t been stolen and put on Tumblr.
  8. Let’s be perfectly clear: masculine gay men receive all the same cultural benefits and privileges as straight men.
  9. If your Facebook post is more than 1 paragraph long someone better be dead. DEAD.
  10. When someone says they’re not into gay bars there’s a good chance what they really mean is “I don’t want to run into any of the ugly guys that I don’t want you to know I fuck.”
  11. I will never donate money on Facebook for your birthday. Give your own fucking money.
  12. If you use the joke “I don’t bite unless you ask me to” then I hope ants crawl into your urethra and lay eggs.
  13. No one’s ever going to watch that concert video you posted.
  14. Your dog will like me better than you.
  15. Don’t hold the door while I’m an awkward distance away and then stare at me because I’m not walking faster.
  16. Give your pet its own Instagram page so I can follow and love it.
  17. American Dad is better than Family Guy and The Simpson’s needs to end it already.
  18. Hamilton is still brilliant.
  19. Miss Vanjie.
  20. Miss Vanjie.
  21. Miss
  22. Vanjie.
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One thought on “The Gay Gasp Guide To Life

  1. 1. Same
    2. PREACH
    3. Self-Loathing/Self-Righteous Homo’s are the new Alt-Right
    4. Nair is a more effective torture device/deterrent
    5. Oooh, snap!(But serious unlock them…)
    6. But only in Presidential election years…mid-terms are important this year
    7.This elicited a genuine “LOL”
    8.The truth hurts
    9. Start a blog if you got something to say…
    10. They could also be trying to tell you that they’re an alcoholic.
    11. The #1 worst feature FB has added in years.
    12. My reply is always “I won’t”
    13. EV-ER
    14. Same
    15. Refers you to the “Curb Your Enthusiasm” bit about this. Brilliant.
    16. I agree
    17. Roger. That is all.(Specifically the bit when he is going to his wine cellar “you stupid bitch…she doesn’t even know…”
    18. Hamilton>Anything(except Company)
    19. Awkward Ru Laugh
    20. Slightly Less awkward Ru Laugh
    21. Ru Laugh
    22. Ru in hysterics

    Like

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