Everyday Drag

 

  1. Work Drag- Work you is quiet and polite. Work you laughs at the 4 year old meme your middle age mom coworker shows you. Work you says things like “I really didn’t do much over the weekend” because the honest answer would be too hard to explain and would probably land you in the HR office. “My third was in town so we went to the Find A Cure for AIDS circuit party when the molly kicked in and next thing I knew…”
  2. Family Drag- See work drag but replace the mom coworker with your actual mom. Family you is also in a monogamous relationship and acts horrified at the thought of your partner having sex with someone else. “Gasp! I can’t imagine such a betrayal.”
  3. Elitist Drag- When you’re in elitist drag you make sure everyone knows how absolutely fantastic your life is. If your declining a Facebook invite you make a point of giving every detail of the fantastic plans that are keeping you away. When elitist you returns from a vacation say phrases like “The trip was fantastic but I didn’t take any photographs because I really wanted to be in the moment.”
  4. App Drag- Whether it’s Growlr, Scruff, or Grindr everyone has that very specific drag character. Start with a shirtless profile pic that shows skin but isn’t too trashy. The profile text is as simple as possible because we all know the more you write the crazier you are. Sure you’re a pup bottom who wants to live with a cage on your cock and a dog mask on your head… but really you’re just a simple guy looking for some buds to hang out with.  “Woof.”
  5. Facebook Drag- Everyone has a social media drag persona. Are you the introvert who puts on Facebook drag so you can be a loud mouth whose only joy comes from correcting and educating people in the comments. “Actually what most people refer to simply as Star Wars is really episode 4 and…”  Or maybe you’re an extrovert who gets into into Facebook drag to become a silent lurker who only wants to watch the dumpster fire from a safe distance.
  6. Bar Drag- Bar you ignores the guy you’ve fucked 5 times because you’re embarrassed by him even though the sex is good. Bar you talks endlessly with those people who you only ever see at a bar and never in real life. In fact you probably don’t even remember their name. Bar you wears a harness and cargo shorts because you don’t care about fashion. Thank god masculinity is always real and has nothing to do with drag.
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