Your Holiday Survival Guide 


After this election you’re probably dreading the trip home for the holidays with your family. You’ve managed to successfully avoid all major confrontations with your pro-Trump family members on Facebook by hiding all their posts. However now they’re going to be sitting across the dinner table from you.

Before you even arrive you’re already starting to prepare a list of non-election topics to talk about over dinner. Baseball, West World, The Walking Dead…

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At first you’re optimistic and think you’ll be able to get through the whole meal without anyone bringing up the election. “How about those Cubs winning the World Series?”

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Until your uncle passes you the salt and asks, “Can you believe this election?”

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As if you’re preparing for a car crash all of your muscles clench and you close your eyes fearing the worst.

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The Hillary bashing starts off simple with statements like “I would vote for anyone before that crooked liar.”

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Which segues nicely into, “She has the blood of US soldiers on her hands.”

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You’re doing well. So far you’ve had no outbursts and you feel like you just might get through this.

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Until they start to boast about how great Trump is. “He’s a great business man who is going to shake up Washington and get things done.”

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When you ask about all the awful things he’s said they just admit, “He just says what everyone is too afraid to say.”

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You’re faith is humanity is hanging on by a thread until someone inevitably says, “All lives matter.”

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It’s then that you realize that you’re never going to change their minds. They will forever think of you as weak bleeding heart liberal. You will forever think of them as scared racists who are afraid of progress. Rather than waste your energy debating, a better use of your time is to beat them to the dessert table.

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Don’t despair. As stressful as your family is, just remember that New Years is just around the corner and you’ll be spending it surrounded by a gaggle of gays guzzling  champagne and vodka-Redbulls. Cheers.

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Be sure to follow the adorable Dean the basset hound on Instagram @deanthebasset

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