What’s your opinion on cuddling with a trick?

I posed this question to a group of my married friends and most agreed that while it can be nice on rare occasion for the most part they’re not into it. As a married man myself my opinion fell in line with theirs. (I’m using married as short hand to refer to anyone in a relationship) The question came to mind because it seems like ‘looking for a cuddle buddy’ is becoming more and more common in profiles these days. I felt out of the loop because that is the last thing I’m looking for on Growlr. Cuddling has always felt much more intimate than sex. Sex is about hormonal urges while cuddling involves emotions and tenderness. I want to cuddle with Russ because I love him and it makes me feel wonderful. An attempt at that closeness would feel very awkward with a stranger. I started to wonder if the disconnect was between married and single men. I came up with a theory that although exceptions can always be found, it seems like single guys are looking for intimacy as much as sex while married guys just seek out a more unemotional physical connection. Several married friends even said they never cuddle because they don’t want to give the other guy the wrong impression and lead them to think there could be something more. I agreed with the sentiment and even considered adding “please no single guys” to my profile as a way of clarifying expectations but I decided I would probably get too much hate for it regardless of my honest intent.

The theory made sense on paper but I wanted to get more input from my single friends. I asked around and as the first couple responses from single guys came in the answers surprised me. The single guys were echoing the same sentiments as the married men. Cuddling is nice on a rare occasion but for the most part once the sex is over it’s time to go. My theory was starting to fall apart. Then I got a response from Felipe a wonderful guy in Florida. His first reaction was to ask me to clarify the word trick. It was a good question because while I meant the word as short hand for a hook up I realized that it does bring with it the connotation of a late night meaningless encounter. He along with several other single guys pointed out that the question was not that black and white. My theory was a little too simple for a situation filled with nuance. Using the word trick implied meaningless sex and therefore the responses of no cuddling from the single guys made sense. However a few guys took it a step further and pointed out that it all depended on the type of connection there is with the other person as it’s all very situational. For example if you spend most of the night chatting and getting to know each other at bar which then leads to sex, cuddling is much more likely to happen because you’ve invested a little more time in it. Whereas if your only interaction consists of sharing stats and pictures then cuddling feels weird and out of place. It wasn’t so much that cuddling was based on relationship status it was actually based on the type of s you were looking for.

After talking to several guys I came to a conclusion. My original theory that it’s mainly the single guys who want cuddling was true but it didn’t tell the whole story. Married guys tend not to want cuddling because the only sex they are usually looking for is of the hot and heavy unemotional variety because they get their intimacy needs met at home with their partner. Single guys on the other hand don’t look for just one kinds of sexual encounter. They too can look for an unemotional session where no cuddling is allowed but they are also just as open to meeting someone to develop something more where cuddling is approved. The problem is that we’re all mixed in together and our intentions and expectations aren’t always clear to the other person. A single guy hooking up with a married guy can be a recipe for miscommunication unless both men are honest and upfront. Going forward when I see a profile that says “looking for a cuddle buddy” I’ll still assume the person is single but I’ll also take it as a sign that we’re probably not a good match for something casual regardless of relationship status. Yes single guys can have unemotional fun but I tend to play the odds and why lead someone on unintentionally. Just like being fem when the other guy only wants butch, everyone isn’t always a good match for everyone. With no fault on either of us it just means deep down we’re probably looking for different things. The trick is to be clear about it. Next time you’re discussing positions, inches, and safety maybe it’s a good idea to also include a question about cuddling. Are you cuddle4cuddle?

Thank you to Felipe, James, Norbert, Eder, Justin, Jeff, Henry, and Fred for giving your input.