With Dallas Gay Pride this Sunday I wanted to share some thoughts we’ve all had. 

1. It feels like amateur day filled with It Gets Better teens and middle aged lesbians. 
2. Why won’t they move this to Saturday night?
3. Drag queens have to walk for miles in the hot afternoon sun with their dicks in their asses and I’m complaining about having to go a block up to cross the road. But seriously, is he hot enough to make it worth trying to cross the road? 
4. Rainbows are tacky AF. 
5. I bet at the end of the day every Über is filled with glitter thongs and fairy wings. 
6. Instead of actually watching the parade I think I’m going to stay inside the air conditioned bar and get drunk. 
7. My balls need more powder. 
8. I’ll never be as cool as the Dykes on Bikes chicks. 
9. I know it’s my gay duty to go out and be proud during Pride but I just want to go home and watch Netflix. 
10. At least I can stock up on free condoms and Mardi Gras beads with the Bud Light logo. 
11. Has Iggy Azalea’s career sunk to Pride level yet or are we still stuck with (insert name of random 90’s one hit wonder dance diva)?