Cleanup: The Day After a Bear Pool Party

It’s 10am and your last guest left just 3 hours ago. Time to get moving and start putting your house and life back together. 

1. Items left behind for the Lost and Found bin include: something by Under Armour, flip flops, sunglasses, bathing suits, and dignity. Gather all the personal belongings left behind and take a picture of them for Facebook so guest can claim their lost and found items. 

2. You’ll be left with the cheapest vodka and rum available. They will be in gallon plastic jugs with in pronounceable names. 

3. Who brought J├Ąger?

4. The margarita machine rental company said 4 gallons of mix was enough for 50 people. You had 45 people and use about 9 or 10 gallons. The lesson for next year: Never trust a straight person’s alcohol math.

5. Luckily you have one kind hearted friend who started clean up while you were still getting handsy in the pool. God bless him. 

6. You bought too much food yet it still wasn’t enough. Now you have a stack of empty Domino’s boxes from the emergency midnight feeding. 

7. That drunk messy bitch who stayed way too late will be permanently uninvited next time. Although it was hilarious watching him try to get his drunk ass out of the pool. 

8. Remember to hose down the vomit in the bushes. 

9. His dick was bigger than you expected. 

10. Now that everyone is gone and your house is empty you’ll long for next weekend when you do it all again.