I want to read every article and consume all the media surrounding the Orlando massacre but my soul isn’t strong enough. A simple scan of my Facebook newsfeed brings me so close to tears that I must utilize every cell in my body to push the emotions away. I must lock those feelings away because I’m not strong enough to begin to unpack them. I need to make jokes and use humor to disassociate and numb everything I’m afraid to feel. I’m not strong enough to read articles about a victim who texted his mom good bye because he knew he was about to die. I’m not strong enough for that level of heartbreak. So many people have to said so many eloquent things but I have to stop reading them. My soul is fragil and avoidance feels like the only option. I’m not strong enough.