At What Point Does It Become Sex?


 What do you consider sex?

  • Anal/Fucking
  • Sucking dick
  • Rimming
  • Fisting
  • Getting jerked off by someone else
  • Jerking off side by side
  • Getting pissed on
  • Nipple Play
  • Fingering
  • Spanking
  • Dry humping
  • S&M
  • Kissing
  • Caming
  • Sexting

I’ve had this discussion with a lot of people over the years and everyone’s opinion of what constitutes sex tends to be different. Those that are strict view sex as meaning anal only and everything else is categorized as just messing around. I tend to have a much broader definition which is hard to define in specific terms but usually can be best described as when it doubt it counts. I’ve noticed that a person’s answer sometimes varies depending on whether they want to down play or up sell their past. If a guy is trying to convince you he hasn’t had sex with that many people he might be leaving out some of the outliers in order to swing the pendulum in his favor. Conversely a young guy newly out might beef up his resume with statistics that are more smoke and mirrors than hard facts. Like a hairy chested daddy, there are a lot of gray areas when it comes to sex.

There are inherent problems with both the broad and strict definitions of sex. The strict view of anal-only doesn’t do well under scrutiny. For example if a guy has never had anal sex but has sucked 100 dicks does that make him a virgin? I think not. The broad definition isn’t without its own problems. Being so broad opens the flood gates and it becomes a lot harder to draw a line. Sure anal and oral are easy to include but what about a random grope fest with some dick tugs? Sex or no?  Where do you draw the line? Some people think that if you didn’t cum it didn’t count. Again this theory is hard to defend because there are so many circumstances that can be used as a counter point.The location of the act can often impact how it’s viewed. If you are kissing a guy in a bar with your hands down his pants it might be categorized as messing around and not sex. Although if you were to take the same actions but switch the location to a bed the tone of the whole scene changes and you might be more likely to consider it sex.

Do you consider sex to be a very specific act or a general umbrella term for a category of acts? While I tend to go with a broader definition I don’t think everything listed above should be considered sex. However as gay men it’s fun to remember that everything on that list would end a straight person’s marriage.

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