Tod’s Save The Queen

Call them driving shoes or loafers but either way they are my favorite style of shoes to wear. If money is no object and you want the best of the best then go no further than Tod’s. The classic brand specializes is these stylish slip ons.




If you’re a little more budget conscious you can find an array of cute options at sites like



To shop Tod’s shoes visit

RuPaul’s Drag Race S8E4

1. Bob the Drag Queen kind of got on my nerves this episode. He’s starting to take Betty’s bitch crown. Calm down queen. 

2. I gotta give Robbie Turner props because she did great in the challenge. However I’m not sure about that neon Victorian ball gown? 

3. It’s interesting that team New York didn’t win the challenge considering their thought of as the three strongest. 

4. RuPaul wore pants on the runway! I think that’s a first. 

5. Chi Chi was giving me full Rihanna S&M realness on the runway. 

6. Also who knew Chi Chi could do all those acrobatics? Impressive. 

7. Naysha forgot the cardinal rule: Don’t take off your wig unless you have another wig underneath. 

8. Debbie Harry needs to cut down on her Xanax  perscription. Wake up girl. 

9.  I’ve heard rumors that Derrick Berry has a big breakdown around episode 5. I’m looking forward to it. 

1o. If Derrick does Britnay for Snatch Game he’ll get read. If he doesn’t do Britnay he’ll get read. Sorry girl, I predict bottom two for you. 

Balls or Beyonce?


Stereotypes are basically huge generalizations made about a group of people. One common stereotype is that gay men adore strong female pop icons and detest pro sports. The stereotype has some truth to it because our community has a long history of loving divas like Judy Garland, Cher, and Madonna. As we all know there are plenty of gay men who love sports and hate pop music but I’d venture to say they are still in the minority. For example, on Super Bowl Sunday I still see more of my friends commenting on Beyonce’s half time show rather than the game itself. Both phenomena have existed for decades even though on paper they don’t necessarily make sense. I wonder why they started and more importantly why they continue to be true.

For clarification: Going forward I will be using the term pro sports to reference the 4 major professional sports leagues of baseball, basketball, football, and hockey. There is a note about other pro athletes at the end.

Our devotion of divas is a tale as old as time and some might even call it blind. As one of those cliché Gaga loving gays it’s easy for me to understand the attraction even though I have trouble pointing out the exact reasons. Strong female energy speaks to my soul on a subconscious level and I don’t exactly know why. I’m not attracted to women, I don’t have many female friends, and I have no wish to be or to dress up like a woman so why do they bring me such gay joy? If you look at my iTunes library the ratio of female to male artists is 10 to 1. When I recently saw the new Batman vs Superman movie the only thing I liked was the introduction of Wonder Woman. I found the rest the  movie to be boring and I didn’t care about or identify with either of the male leads. However Wonder Woman instantly caught my attention. My gold wrist cuffs are ready for 2017.

For every gay man that loves Madonna there is also gay man that hates pro sports. We’ve seen this countless times on screen with the classic trope of the sissy who’s afraid of sports. Think of the movie The Birdcage or Jack from Will & Grace. These media representations often exaggerate our hatred of sports into something comical but in reality I’ve observed it to be more of a disinterest. Many gay men I know don’t  have anything against pro sports but there is just a general lack of engagement and interest. Again I totally understand this reaction although I can’t exactly explain why. You could assume most gay men are more interested in the arts and have a natural aversion to organized physical activity. (another stereotype) However that theory is quickly proven wrong when you look at the enormous number of local gay sports leagues around the country. There are large tournaments with hundreds of guys signing up to play. If that many gay men are willing to play sports then why aren’t as many willing to watch sports? In theory you could expect gay men to love watching pro sports if for no other reason than to stare at all the sexy athletes. If you like bears watch football and if you’re a chocolate chaser watch basketball. There’s something for everyone. In theory it makes sense but in reality the connection isn’t as strong. Why aren’t guys like Prince Fielder and John Kuhn adored as much as much as Britney and Beyonce?

I wonder if gay men are subconsciously reacting to the lack of acceptance from the pro sports industry. Recently I came across an article about David Denson who has become the first openly gay player in baseball. As I read the article I discovered Denson plays on a minor league team for the Milwaukee Brewers and he came out last August in the local paper. If he makes it to the majors he’ll be the first openly gay player in major league baseball history. I applaud Denson for his courage at being the first in his sport to come out but I was struck by the fact that in 2016 we are just now getting the first openly gay baseball player. It’s absolutely ridiculous that it’s taken this long. Baseball isn’t alone in the delay. It wasn’t until basketball player Jason Collins took the lead in 2013 as the first openly gay pro athlete. A year later football player Michael Sam followed suit and came out in 2014. No out players unitl 2013? That’s total  bullshit. To put that into perspective musician K. D. Lang came out publically in 1992 and Ellen’s famous coming out episode aired on tv in 1997.  I refuse to believe that Jason Collins was the first ever gay man to play on a professional team. I have nothing but respect for all three men but as a community pro sports is severely lacking in acceptance. I suspect this lack of acceptance has quietly  alienated gay fans for decades. Why should we support them when they won’t even acknowledge us?

On the flip side female entertainers have a long history of supporting gay causes. Many point to Judy Garland’s death as a major catalyst to the Stonewall riots that happend on the same day. Madonna was famously influenced by New York’s ballroom culture and produced the epic hit song Vogue. Flash forward to 2016 and to Lady Gaga who has spoken at length about equality and her support of gay rights. Last year Miley Cyrus performed and her stage full of drag queens stole the  show. (She has also started a charity for homeless gay youth) Even non pop stars like Elizabeth Taylor stood by us before anyone else. She spoke out and advocated for AIDS research back in the early 80’s when most people wouldn’t even acknowledge it as a problem. The list goes on and on. Maybe we’ve gravitated to these female icons because they’ve welcomed us with open arms. Maybe our devotion isn’t as blind as some people think. Maybe we ignore pro sports because they have a long history of ignoring us. Maybe the divas and the athletes  themselves are the real reason the stereotypes exist and continue.




Above I mentioned Prince Fielder and John Kuhn. Being a cliche queen I’m clueless when it comes to sports so I had to ask my Facebook friends for the names of some hot athletes specifically for that sentence. Quickly after posting the flood gates opened and I had  a very long list of guys to choose from. Clearly I hit a nerve. One thing I found utterly fascinating was that the majority of hot guys provided were from niche sports. Bobsledding, shot put, power/weight lifting, and rugby were all well represented much more than the the 4 major sports. Football and baseball got some love while basketball and hockey were completely ignored. I think this proves two points. First, gay men have a very strong thirst for hot athletes that has been totally untapped so far. Football and baseball could really get a spike in ticket sales if they catered to these horny fans. Second, it slightly reinforces the idea that gay men still avoid major league pro teams. There may be a future blog post brewing there.



RuPaul’s Drag Race S8E3

1. Naysha came back. Really? I was hoping for a bigger surprise. She’s boring.

2. I always find it interesting how they pick teams. I understand why Acid Betty was picked last but Robbie Turner picked first?!?

3. The best thing Naysha did as team leader was to switch Thorgy and Kim’s parts.

4. Luck was on Robbie Turner’s side this week. Those roller skates were literally the only reason why she stayed.

5. Those roller skates also saved Kim Chi from having to stomp down that runway again.

6. Next up for elimination are Derrick Berry, Robbie, Naomi Smalls, and Naysha.

7. Bob the Drag Queen is hilarious and she’ll probably win it all but that runway look was busted.

8. Dear Cynthia Lee Fontaine, I’m already starting to forget you.

9. Thorgy is still my favorite.

10. BTW: Thorgy out of drag looks like Skippie from Family Ties.


*Shout out to the RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap podcast. Look for it on iTunes.

RuPaul’s Drag Race S8E2


1. Thorgy Thor is fast becoming my favorite.

2. Acid Betty is clearly this season’s much needed villain or at least shit stirrer. Thank god! Hopefully we’ll avoid the blandness of season 7.

3. I love how much truth Thorgy was throwing about Acid Betty in the one on one interview. “She’s in Brooklyn because no one will work with her in Manhattan.”

4. During the group performance, Chi Chi’s team legitimately did a great job. I genuinely enjoyed watching them and that’s saying a lot for those contrived dance numbers. They made the Cynthia’s group look that much worse.

5. Derrick Berry basically has to do Britney for Snatch Game. I’ll be amazed if he can pull off pretty and funny. I don’t think he’s got enough personality to do it.

6. Bob The Drag Queen’s look needs some polishing. Does she even wear makeup beyond lipstick?

7. Chi Chi reminds me of Adore Delano. Her thrift store style might not be up to par but she’s got plenty of charm and charisma.

8. How is it that Kim Chi’s look is so amazing but she can’t walk in high heals?! I don’t want her to go home but I’d be curious to see her lip sync for her life.

9. Will the judges ever see Acid Betty’s bitch side or will it stay all in the work room?

10. RuPaul was 100% correct to send both those boring bitches home.


I Didn’t Care About Bowie or Williams

grim-largeI got into an interesting conversation on Sunday with friends as we were winding down TBRU. The topic of celebrity deaths came up when someone mentioned David Bowie. I said that I was surprised at the tremendous outpouring of sadness because personally I had no emotional tie to him and therefore I didn’t really care. There were some surprised reactions because I was clearly in the minority within the room. I had to explain that while I had respect for David Bowie’s career I’ve never followed his music or film work that closely. I wasn’t happy about his death but he was just another celebrity that I had no opinion toward. I really just didn’t care beyond the the basis regard for the death of another human. The conversation progressed and I let it slip that I had a similar apathetic reaction to the death of Robin Williams. That got a huge gasp from the room. Yes it was sad that he killed himself and his comedy will always be remembered but the news of his death didn’t effect me because again I had no emotional tie to him. I never connected with Mrs. Doubtfire and Aladdin on a deep level and I never found inspiration in Williams the man. Apathy not hate.

I had to do some more explaining to convince the room that my opinion shouldn’t effect theirs. I pointed out that just because I didn’t care didn’t mean they should stop caring and it also didn’t mean it’s not worth caring about. I was reminded in that moment that although we were very similar in some ways we had very different pop culture touchstones. They were sad for Bowie and Williams and I was sad for Alexander McQueen and Joan Rivers.

As I mentioned this discussion was at a bear run and therefore all of the bears in the room had a lot in common. I knew from years of friendship that most of the guys had a preference toward nerd culture. Margaret Cho had an old joke that said you’ll see the same guys at a Renaissance fair, a bear run, and a leather party.  I’d add to that a comic book convention and action fantasy movie. These are all things that I care nothing about yet I always seem to find friends who are. Ever since I was in college I’ve always gravitated toward and found wonderful friends in nerds. Since then I’ve been aware that while I had a deep emotional connection to Alexander McQueen’s The Horn of Plenty fall/winter 2009 show the majority of my dearest friends didn’t even know it existed. The lesson was that just because we ended in the same place doesn’t mean we took similar paths to get here.

It’s a funny experience to be the lone soldier who doesn’t feel the same way as everyone else but it provides perspective. What inspires one person is forgettable to the next. Just because I dislike something doesn’t mean you should too. If I print “The Beatles suck!” on a shirt it doesn’t automatically negate all of their success and impact on our culture. It just means my opinion doesn’t match yours. It also means eggs will probably be thrown at my head.

There are other common pop culture favorites that I don’t care about and many that I love which you may not. The beauty is that you don’t need to care about my list and I don’t have to give a shit about yours. For the record, here are some examples:

I don’t care about:

  • Star Wars
  • Video games
  • Bands I’ve never heard of
  • Reading books
  • Zombies in anything
  • Marvel vs DC
  • The Simpsons

I adore:

  • RuPaul
  • Karl Largefeld
  • Joan Rivers
  • Tory Amos music (pre-2005)
  • Madonna
  • Dianna Ross and the Supremes
  • Push It by Salt N Pepa
  • The movie Big Business



A Guide to RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 8


Am I having deja vu? Here’s a breakdown of Drag Race season 8. It seems everything that’s old is new again.

Bob the Drag Queen = Latrice Royale + Pandora Box

Kim Chi = Jujubee + Trixie Mattel

Acid Betty = Nina Flowers + Detox

Derrick Berry = Courtney Act + Chad Michaels

Thorgy Thor = Katya + Yara Sofia

Naomi Smalls = Carmen Carrera + Tyra Sanchez

Cynthia Lee Fontaine = Joslyn Fox + Alexis Mateo

Chi Chi Devayne = Jaidynn Diore Fierce + LaShawn Beyond

Dax Exclamation Point = Miss Fame + Safara Davenport

Laila McQueen = Ivy Winters + The Princess

Robbie Turner = Tempest Dujour + Mrs. Kasha Davis

Naysha Lopez = Alisa Summers + Mariah



A Guide to Giving Good Advice


I’ve been told I give good advice and my specialty tends to be a practical real world perspective. Often it’s hard to have perspective on an issue when you’re in the middle of it. When someone asks for advice the best thing to do for them is to give them an objective third party point of view. I also believe information is power so I’m going to give you the brutally honest truth so that you can make an informed decision. Giving good advice is a lot harder than you’d expect so here are some tips to help guide you:

Leave your own bullshit out of it. One of the hardest parts of giving good advice is detaching yourself from the situation. Try and leave all of your own baggage at the door. For example I’m someone who doesn’t want to impose and therefore I will go 5 steps out of my way rather than ask you to go 1 step out of yours. This can lead to doormat tendencies which is I have to be aware of so it doesn’t bleed into my when advice. Some baggage can’t always be put aside but at least calling it out will help with transparency. I usually will acknowledge my own baggage in certain situations so that the person knows that I’m seeing things through a tainted lens. It sounds something like, “That’s what I would do but I tend to avoid conflict which isn’t always healthy.” 

Put it on paper. Perspective can be difficult. A good way to get around natural barriers is to physically write down the basic points and details. Seeing things in a list brings out the patterns that you might not otherwise spot. It’s might even help to write things down and go back to it a day or two later. This will also help remove any of the emotions that might cloud your judgement.

History repeats itself. It’s one of the truest cliches you’ll ever find. We all have patterns that are constantly repeating themselves. The goal is that we learn and grow from our mistakes but most patterns will find a way to continue regardless of our growth. For example when I was younger I was always attracted to the wrong type of guy. (i.e emotionally unavailable) I was at that age when my instincts would tell me to run for the hills but I would confuse that signal as a “spark” or “natural chemistry.” While I broke that pattern in my love life I still see a few versions of my old mistakes in my current friend circle. I bring all this up to make the point that when giving advice it’s a good idea to remember the persons past. Although it might feel like they’re a completely different person now their old self isn’t as far away as you may think.

We’re not as unique as we think we are. If you were watching a movie and saw someone with the same issues you’d probably be able to diagnose the problem within minutes. Clearly the character is a shallow narcissist who is detached from reality. However when  we meet a person in real life with the same qualities we instantly start to justify it to ourselves. “I know it seems like he’s just really shallow but he’s not like that. He’s different.” While there are exceptions to every rule, 99% of people are all pretty similar at their core. While the details of the problem may have changed over time the basic issues at the heart of the matter are probably ones that have existed for centuries. There is a reason why Shakespeare’s plays still resonate with us. The core conflicts can still be found today. So while you might get caught up in the modern technology details of the problem the issue isn’t Growlr or Facebook it’s the feeling associated with them. When giving your advice consider the fact that this might be a common problem such as miscommunication disguised as something more complex. 

Honesty is the best policy. If someone is asking you for advice it’s best to be as honest as possible. Like I said knowledge is power and it’s best to have all in the information in order to make the best decision. Obviously tender subjects should be approached with care but it’s best to call out any elephants in the room. If there is a theme of internalized homophobia running through everything why not politely bring it up in conversation. Again I must stress the need for tact but honesty is always the best policy. 

Be a guide not a director. The mistake most people make when trying to give advice is to give specific direction of what to do. Rather than specify “Do this and not that” I prefer to give options and let the person chose for themselves. If it’s an either or scenario talk out both scenarios. Usually as the discussion progresses the best choice will be clear. Regardless of how wise you are, in the end it’s not your life and the person must ultimately do what’s best for them. Your job is to offer perspective not directions.

Know when to give up. A couple years ago I had a friend who was in a very dysfunctional relationship. I felt he was being treated unfairly and I tried to help him realize that he could find someone who treated him better. He would constantly complain and bemoan his situation. As time went by I realized a couple important points. First, it became clear he liked being in a dysfunctional relationship so that he could feel like a martyr. Second he treated his boyfriend just as shitty as he was being treated. I had to take a step back and accept that this was their fucked up version of happy. Granted it’s not a version I would tolerate but it’s their life not mine. Some people are just fucked up and they’re going to continue a pattern no matter what. So if you’re about to give a person the same advice for the fifth time then it might be wise to give up and just listen. They’re probably going to ignore you so why not just provide a sympathetic ear for their empty complaints.