Month December 2015
All I Want For Christmas is Santa
Gay of Everything
Joe’s Spank Me Time
Saying goodbye to the things that need to stay in 2015.
1. Bye Felicia- What I loved once I’ve now grown to hate. It really was funny and awesome a couple years ago but that time has passed. All sassy slang jumps the shark at some point and Bye Felicia got there in 2015.
2. Phone Books- Seriously, why are these still a thing?
3. 80’s Theme Parties- The 80’s have officially been branded and repackaged into theme parties for the past 10 years. What was once a unique fun idea is now stale and trite.
4. Ex’s and Oh’s-Elle King’s catchy song was a big hit and got plenty of radio play. Add to that the fact that she’s Rob Schneider daughter and it’s the perfect recipe for a one hit wonder. Thank you Elle. You’ve officially hit now please wonder away.
5. Dystopian Sci fi-The Hunger Games was a well made and hugely successful franchise. It even had a successful copy cat franchise with the Divergent movies. Now that Katniss has shot her final arrow can we all agree that this genre needs a break? The futuristic dystopian nightmare has cutting edge when George Orwell published his book in 1949. In 2015 it’s become a standard movie trope. Will someone please give science fiction a much needed new idea.
6. The Active Tops Picture/Joke-This joke was done to death then it’s dead body was dug up and it made the rounds on Facebook again. Let it rest in peace.
10 Tips For A Better Relationship
Recently I noticed that I see a lot more articles about finding a man than I do about how to stay happy with him and I realized it’s an area that needs more discussion. So far I’ve held off writing relationship advice because I felt my experience was so limited. However after 3 years with the same guy I’ve learned a few things and want to share my knowledge. Also I wanted to give you a few tips beyond the heavily overused nonsense of Don’t have an open relationship or Never go to bed angry.
- Write Down 5 Reasons Why You Love Him. Don’t just think of the reasons I want you to physically write them down on a piece of paper or in an email. Save that note or email for yourself because it will be very important during struggles or fights. After a big fight or when you’re relationship is struggling it’s great to have a reminder of why you fell in love with him in the first place. You’ll be giving yourself the gift of perspective. That list it will make it easier to determine if your fight was silly nonsense or a sign of something more serious.
- Make Your Own Rules. Every relationship is different and therefore you have to do what’s best for you as a couple. Don’t feel the need to follow arbitrary rules that other people have set just because that’s what society expects of you. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years and we still don’t live together. When some people hear this they are shocked and can’t understand why we’ve waited. These are usually the UHaul gays who move in after 2 weeks of dating. My response is always that we’re taking our time and we’re not in any rush. My honest opinion is that I see myself spending the rest of my life with Russ so an extra 1 or 2 years really doesn’t make a big difference in the grand scheme of things.
- Actions Speak Louder Than Words. I used to have a creative writing teacher that would always write ‘show me don’t tell me’ on all of my essays. I resented it at the time but as I’ve gotten older I’ve grown to love the sentiment. Words are easier than actions. I’ve seen too many friends justify getting treated like shit simply because a guy says all the right things. Does he make you a priority or is he always canceling plans? Do you talk regularly or is it impossible to get him to respond to your texts? Don’t just listen to what he says listen to what he does.
- Don’t Let Bad Feelings Fester. If he does anything that hurts your feelings or makes you angry say something. Don’t ignore it. Keeping your mouth shut only buries the feelings and they can start to grown and fester. For example, if you don’t like it when he calls you ‘baby’ say so at the beginning. Otherwise your resentment will grow and you’ll end up blowing up years later over a minor fact that could’ve been been nipped in the bud early on.
- Treat Him The Way You Want To Be Treated. Be proactive and lead by example. Don’t sit back like a princess and expect him to do all the work. You both need to trade off being the princess and the servant. If you want him to take you out more then why not make plans to see a musical or concert. Be an active member of your relationship.
- Remember The Past Accurately. When we remember the past we often view the events through heavily tainted lenses. If the overall memory is positive then we can sometimes forget the negativities that always exist. Are you in a decade long relationship yearning for the endless parties and men of your single days? While you might have plenty of torrid tales don’t forget the lonely nights alone on your couch eating a block of cheese. Conversely, you may hold resentment for something your partner did to you in the past but conveniently ignore the part you played in the matter. There are very few things that are 100% good or 100% bad in life.
- Intimacy Is Underrated. Don’t forget to touch each other. Gay men have long realized the difference between love and sex. It’s one of the reasons why our community has led the way in open relationships. An open relationships is a wonderful thing however don’t get so focused on the sex that you forget the intimacy. I’ve found the key to intimacy is touch. A loving touch can do wonders. Show him you care by rubbing his feet while you’re watching television or putting your hand on his thigh in the car. When in doubt a simple hug and a kiss will always do wonders. Like I said above don’t just tell him you love him, show him.
- You’re Still an Individual. This is an area where gay couples can learns from straight couples. Just because you are now part of a team doesn’t mean you have to give up yourself. I think straight couples are better at this because of the natural differences between men and women. It’s much more common place for a husband and wife to each have a few of their own interests. When it’s two men it’s easy to get caught in the trap of doing everything together. It’s healthy to develop and maintain your own interests apart from the ones you share with your partner.
- Just Because He Tells You A Problem Doesn’t Mean He’s Looking For A Solution. I first heard this on an old episode of Oprah and it’s a valuable lesson that I often forget. We all have bad days and want to vent our frustrations to a loved one. When your boyfriend complains about work most of the time it’s just to blow of steam. While you may have the best intentions, the solutions you offer up might be more annoying than helpful. He’s just looking for a sympathetic ear.
- When He Asks, “What do you want for dinner?” Give an answer. Make a decision! Don’t just give pathetic answers like, “I don’t know” or “Whatever.” Save yourselves aggravation and just pick something.
2015 Year In Review
Person(s) of the Year- James Obergafell, John Arthur, April DeBoer, Jayne Rowse, Gregory Bourke, Michael DeLeon, Valeria Tanco, Sophia Jesty, Brittani Henry, Britini Rogers, Timothy Love, Lawrence Ysunza
Regardless of what happened in pop culture this year nothing can hold a candle to the historic Supreme Court decision in Obergafell v Hodge which made gay marriage legal across the country. The case itself was a consolidation of several similar cases around the country. While the story of James Obergafell and John Arthur has been getting the most attention there were at least 6 couples being represented in the lawsuit. I decided to name all of them as my Person(s) of the Year as a show of respect and admiration. It struck me as a perfect example of how a few people can change the world. I can’t imagine what they went up against and if I had been in their position I probably would have given up a long time ago due to the enormous struggle. These men and women wouldn’t back down and they fought for what they believed in. Now we all are able to reap the benefits of their hard work.
Artist of the Year- Adele
Clearly there was no contest with this one. Adele’s long awaited 3rd album was released in November and quickly began breaking every record in the book. She followed Taylor Swift’s lead and blocked her album from streaming services which helped push her sales higher. Apart from the incredibly sales, 25 is just a really good album. She stuck to her core strength of emotional ballads and the results were amazing. Send My Love To Your New Lover, Love In The Dark, Water Under The Bridge, and Remedy are a few of the best tracks but all are worth listening to. If you want upbeat pop music for your next party than this album isn’t for you. This is emotional music that you listen to with headphones while reminiscing about the past.
Transformation of the Year- Caitlyn Jenner
Having one of the nation’s most popular Olympians admit he plans to transition into a woman doesn’t go unnoticed. When (then) Bruce sat down for an interview with Diane Sawyer I was surprised to learn that this had been an issue since the early 80s and not the late in life realization that I expected. When she announced her new name and hit the cover of Vanity Fair the world was undeniably fascinated. It was a historic event that brought light to the Trans community. Not surprisingly Caitlyn received criticism from inside the Trans community because they didn’t feel she accurately represents their lives. Good or bad she definitely helped to raise people’s awareness and will continue to grab headlines.
Most Fascinating- Rachel Dolezal
Rachel Dolezal is a woman who was born white but used bronzer and hair dye to transform herself into a very passable black woman. That alone would be fascinating enough but the details about her life and how she was discovered made the story even more interesting. Dolezal was working for a branch of the Washington state NAACP when she was confronted by a reporter who discovered that she was lying about her race. I would normally expect her to have done this as some sort of twisted publicity stunt but instead it seemed just the opposite. She gave a few response interviews but overall she wasn’t trying to exploit her 15minutes of fame like I would’ve expected. To everyone’s surprise it seemed she genuinely cared about the issues facing black people and had worked for years on their behalf. While she clearly had issues there was a definite lack of self-promotion. How fascinating.
Song of the Year- Where Are You Now
In 2015 Justin Beiber pulled a Britney Spears style comeback. In the midst of controversy and mayhem he released great music. You’ll remember Spears did it back during her shaved head car bashing days when she released her Blackout album. Where Are You Now is a catchy upbeat song that clearly reflects the singer’s emotional ties with ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez. While you’re listening to Beiber also check out What Do You Mean and Love Yourself. Honorable Mention goes to How Big How Blue How Beautiful by Florence and the Machine and Downtown by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis.
Under the Radar- Drake
Drake first released music in 2006 and since then he’s been putting out very good music that’s sold very well. Despite being the current king of rap most non-rap fans are only vaguely familiar with him. His record sales often beat his rivals yet he’s not the one grabbing all the headlines. I think many people would say that they’ve heard his name but that they’re unable to name a specific song of his. In 2015 he released Hotline Bling which finally started to get some love and attention from the mainstream media. Add to that a viral video and Drake has officially broken through to pop culture.
Best New Show- Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
Thank you Tina Fey. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is a show that started out at NBC. After the initial development the network decided that it wasn’t a good fit for them. Creator Tina and company then sold it to Netflix where they were able to produce exactly the show they wanted. What we got was a marvelously funny show that instantly felt like an old friend. It centers around Kimmy who has just moved to New York after having lived with a cult leader in an underground bunker for the last 7 years. Her gay roommate Titus and her rich boss Jacqueline are the perfect supporting cast. Netflix and chill this series for the perfect Sunday.
The New Camp Classic- Scream Queens
Scream Queens seemed to come out of nowhere. When adds first started appearing I, like many others, wrote if off as a ridiculous premise. However my roommate started watching it and had nothing but good reviews. In fact I could hear him laughing out loud while watching it in another room. I finally tuned in and found that it was one of the greatest campiest shows I’ve seen in a long time. I was right that the show’s premise and plot lines were completely ridiculous but I hadn’t expected a cast of good actors who could make it all believable. Emma Roberts is perfect as Chanel i.e. the new Regina George. Billie Lourd is unstoppable as the ultra-cool Chanel #3 and Glen Powell is the picture of f brohood as Chad Radwell. Even Lea Michele is surprisingly well cast as crazy Hester. Two enthusiastic thumbs up.
The Character We Love to Hate- Lena Headey as Cersei Lannister
Game of Thrones is a medieval fantasy epic drama that is comprised of many different interwove story lines. A few of the story lines are boring (Ayra I’m talking to you) but Landing is the best by far and it’s all because of Cersei ‘Blonde Cher’ Lannister. She is the ultimate b and I hate her however I do realize that we need her. Without her character that entire store line would dissolve into beige nonsense. Thank you Blonde Cher Lena Headey for giving us a character that we love to hate
Best Wrap Up- Gay of Thrones
Gay of Thrones is an online video that wraps up HBO’s very popular Game of Thrones. Every week hairstylist Jonathan Van Ness recaps the latest episode with his signature over the top flair. The genius of the concept is that he makes up his own nicknames for all the characters. The nicknames are so perfect that I’ve completely forgotten all the real names. Blonde Cher, Munch Munch, Christina Aguilera, Baby Kristen Stewart, and of course Baby Power Bottom are all a lot more memorable than Cersei, Tyrion, Daenerys, Arya, and Joffrey. Gay of Thrones is funny even if you’ve never seen the original show. Fun fact, star Jonathan Van Ness is a real working hair stylist and not just some actor they found.
End of An Era- America’s Next Top Model
The first episode of America’s Next Top Model aired in May of 2003 and after 22 seasons (cycles) it’s finally coming to an end. Tyra Banks paved the way and set the formula for reality competition series. Top Chef and Project Runway both owe a lot of their basic judging format and formula to Tyra. Over the years she’s given us so many memorable moments that ANTM will always have its own place in internet meme history. Without her none of us would ever have known how to smize (smiling with your eyes). I was a fan for many years and Tyra will always have a place in reality television history.
Best Documentary- Going Clear
Going Clear is an HBO documentary about Scientology told from the perspective of ex-members. They reveal all the deepest darkest secrets that the church usually tries to hide. The documentary was riveting and I was glued to the TV as I listened to them talk about work camp punishments and alien overlords. Many had been completely cut off from their families because they chose to speak out. The whole thing is fascinatingly nuts and you have to watch it. Also if you’re interested I recommend Leah Remini’s new book Troublemaker as a supplement to the documentary.
Movie of the Year- Star Wars The Force Awakens
The new Star Wars movie isn’t even out yet and but its already the most anticipated movie of the year. To be honest I don’t plan on seeing it. I have nothing against the movie franchise it’s just one of those cultural movements that I missed out on. Even though I don’t have a personal connection to the movie it’s hard to think of any film this year that has generated such excitement. In fact until now 2015 was a year comprised of a very long list of forgettable movies. Despite decent ticket sales none of the summer block busters managed to stand out and make a big impact.
Ugly Cry Award- Woman in Gold
Woman in Gold tells the true story of Maria Altmann who was forced to flee Austria during WW2. During the take over the Nazi’s stole a painting from her family’s home and after the war ended the painting was seized and retained by the Austrian government. Helen Mirren plays the modern day Altmann but the movie often flashes back to tell her story. The flash backs of her having to say goodbye to her family forever made me cry harder than I have in a long time. Usually crying during a movie means a single tear or the welling up of my eyes. During Woman in Gold I was loudly and embarrassingly gasping for air because I was crying so hard. It’s a great movie but bring some tissues.
Best Dressed- Rihanna at the MET Gala
The MET Gala is a charity event held every year to celebrate the Metropolitan Museum’s Costume Institute. It has become the place where celebrities can wear edgy high fashion and because there is a costume element built in the looks tend to be incredibly over the top. When Rihanna stepped onto the red carpet she hands down won the night in an embroidered golden yellow fur cloak. Amazing! At that moment everyone else should’ve just turned around and gone home. Rihanna wins again.
The Dress That Blew Our Minds- The Black and Blue/While and Gold Dress.
This dress became and unexpected internet sensation and made science the popular kid for a while. The stripped dress was unintentionally photographed in such a way that some viewers saw it as white and gold while other saw it as blue and black. I saw the blue and black while my boyfriend saw white and gold. It was a fun and fascinating way to learn about the science of vision and how our eyes work. I suspect a lot science teachers out there will be using this in their lesson plans for years to come.
Keeping SNL Alive- Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon
We all know Saturday Night Live is pretty terrible but the few hilarious bright spots come when Leslie Jones or Kate McKinnon are on the screen. Kate can kill with impressions of Justin Beiber, Ellen, and Hilary Clinton while Leslie brings an in your face hilarious perspective. Both women keep this otherwise stale show alive and relevant. Honorable mention goes to Aidy Bryant who holds her own and deserves some credit too.
Getting Me Through the Work Day- Podcasts
My favorite podcast is My Brother, My Brother, and Me featuring the three McElroy brothers who answer silly questions with silly advice. They have devoted entire episodes to Totino’s Pizza Roles and America’s Next Top Model. I challenge you to listen and not laugh. Also there’s something so perfect about their voices and accents. The new podcast that I’m excited about is Pop Rocket hosted by Guy Branum of Chelsea Lately fame. He is joined by his 3 regular co-hosts to discuss the pop culture they love. What makes his show different and why I love it is that the discussions are quit intellectual and I always learn something new from each episode.
2015 Scene Stealers
Missy Elliot at the Super Bowl
When it was announced that Katy Perry was performing the Super Bowl half time show it sounded like a match made in heaven. Perry’s fun over the top persona is exactly what people want from that show. Little did she know that she was going to be upstaged by Missy Elliot. During Missy’s performance many young viewers thought she was a brand new rapper because they were not familiar with her earlier work. With so many great songs to choose from she regained popularity and even put out new music. Shantay you stay Missy.
Lady Gaga at the Oscars
Lady Gaga was chosen to perform a tribute to the Sound of Music at the Oscars and she absolutely killed it.With Julie Andrews in the audience Gaga reminded everyone that under all the costumes and commotion is a singer with genuine talent. Her performance ended up being the most memorable part of the entire awards show. In fact the only other thing I remember from the show was Patricia Arquette winning an much undeserved Oscar. When she finished her performance you could see that she was as surprised with herself as anyone else.
John Cena in Trainwreck
Amy Schumer had a very good 2015 which included her first starring role the movie Trainwreck. Like Katy Perry at the Super Bowl she did her job well but as fan left the theater they couldn’t help but talk about John Cena’s role as the juiced up muscle head boyfriend. A spectacular body and a genuinely funny performance stole all the attention. The internet has also exploded with memes and screen shots of his scenes.
2014 Late Comers
With so many entertainment choices it’s easy to miss something in a given year. Sometimes we don’t find these gems until months after our New Year’s Party. With that in mind I wanted to celebrate some of 2014’s stars that I didn’t find until 2015. Betty Who released an upbeat pop album that I loved. I never heard of her until I tagged along to a concert where she was the opening act. I ended up liking her better than the star of the show. On the movie side of things, The Imitation Game was by far my favorite movie of 2015 but unfortunately it was released in 2014. Regardless of when it was released it’s a movie that more people need to see because it’s both very interesting and also very educational.
They say too much of anything isn’t healthy. It’s a cliche but still good advice. We all have habits that might not be inherently bad by nature but the intensity we bring to them is. What are you addicted to or obsessed with? Addiction and obsession might be strong words so I’ll phrase it in a different way. Is there anything in your life that would be very hard to give up? For some it might be constantly checking an app on their phone while others can’t stay away from fast food. Personally I drink way to much soda. When I heavily cut down my sugar intake a couple years ago I had to cut out all the juices I loved. The result was that if I wanted a sugar free beverage my options were water or diet soda. (I don’t like tea or coffee) Having realized this I tried to cut down and look for alternative options. That led me to discover Powerade Zero. It has no carbs or sugar and is the closest thing to juice that I’ve found. I wouldn’t have discovered it as an option if I hadn’t tried to cut down on diet soda.
Like diet soda, the thing or behavior in question might not be inherently bad but our dependence on it is. That’s why I’m posing a challenge to all of my readers. For one week I challenge you to cut out something you rely too much on. The point of this exercise is perspective. I’m not trying to make you give up something forever but cutting it out for a week might make you realize how much you depend on it. What you may think of as a casual interest may in reality be a deeply rooted need. That’s an important realization that may lead to you make more long term changes. Like my Powerade discovery, being forced to find a substitute could lead you toward a new interest that you didn’t know was there. Some obsessions, like going to the gym, are healthy in nature. I’d still challenge you to give it up for a week. Instead try to find creative outdoor ways to get exercise. You might move a stack of firewood instead of lifting weights or find that you enjoy an early morning run. Life is like the bedroom. You’ll be much happier if you’re versatile and flexible.
Here are some suggestions of things to give up for your weekly detox:
- Video games
- The gym
- Fast food
P.S. I really don’t think marijuana is the devil but that image was too funny and amazing not to use.
P.P.S Save your anti-diet soda bullshit. I know and I don’t care.
Pantone Color of the Year 2016
The 12 Days of Christmas
I’m celebrating the holiday season with a travel themed 12 Days of Christmas list.
12 Drummers Drumming
Everyone should make it a point to visit the Big Apple during the Christmas season so that you can enjoy all the wonderful sites the city has to offer. While you’re there be sure to get tickets to see a taping of The Tonight Show. Host Jimmy Fallon chose The Roots as his house band and band leader Questlove is widely considered one of the top 10 best drummers in music. Listen to his expert beats with his masterful drumming and laugh along to Fallon’s hilarious comedy.
11 Pipers Piping
The idea of a piper piping makes me instantly think of smoking pot. Side note: Do the kids today say pot or weed? What better place to smoke up than the luscious green mountains of Colorado where it is now legal. I associate the Centennial State with nature so if you take a trip make sure to go outside and enjoy the scenery. Visit Denver to walk around city, stop by Vail for the perfect ski weekend, or just simply drive through the scenic mountains. Personally I’ve never been to Colorado but I’m planning on visiting in 2016.
10 Lords A Leaping
Hearing the term Lords A Leaping instantly gives me the mental images of well-dressed fancy Victoria era men leaping across puddles. With that in mind let’s celebrate day 10 with a trip to London England. We’ll take a quick hop across the pond to enjoy the numerous sites and attractions that London has to over. Of course our first stop will be a tour of British parliament and the House of Lords. These men (and few women) have their political seat based on appointment and birthright not election. I can’t promise that you’ll see them leap but they do wear fun old school Renaissance style robes. After the tour of government there are still plenty of other things to do and see. The Tower of London was my personal favorite but there are plenty of palaces, museums, quaint shops, and busy city centers to explore.
9 Ladies Dancing.
With a theme of 9 Ladies Dancing there is no question that our destination is the hetero city of sin Las Vegas. Unfortunately we can’t see Goddess at the Stardust but with Nomi Malone as our spirit guide we’ll see every topless cabaret the city has to offer. During the day we’ll reminisce about Puppy Chow over lunch at the Forum shops before hitting up some designer shops. By the time we’re done we will have seen enough tig ol bitties to make even Larry Flint blush.
8 Maids A Milking
Milk is delicious and cheese is even better. Nothing makes me happier than to see a fully stocked cheese platter at a party. What better way to celebrate the 8th day than a trip to the dairy farms of Vermont. Only a couple hours drive from Boston, the Green Mountain state is wonderfully rural destination that is perfect for people who want to be alone and look at trees. We’ll stay in an authentic log cabin and gorge ourselves on endless amounts of cheddar. If we’re lucky we’ll even get the chance to milk a sweet teat ourselves.
7 Swans A Swimming
Although they look beautiful, swans are mean and nasty animals when encountered in nature. To enjoy the 7th day we’ll instead go indoors and enjoy the famous ballet Swan Lake. The Russian ballet was composed by Tchaikovsky and the historic city of St. Petersburg is the best place to see it performed. Be sure to pack plenty of cold weather clothes because this is the land where winter came from.
6 Geese A Laying
I’ll be honest and admit that the 6th day was the hardest day to plan for. Geese and laying eggs isn’t the most inspiring subject on earth. However I discovered the perfect destination for our journey. The California brewery named The Bruery has created a seasonal line of beers around the 12 Days of Christmas. We’ll travel to their OC headquarters to sample their appropriately themed 6 Geese A Laying selection.
5 Golden Rings
Your first instincts might lead you to celebrate the memorable 5th day at Tiffanys or another famous jewelry store however that feels a little stale. Instead I was inspired by the 5 multicolored rings of the Olympics. To celebrate day 5 we’ll jet down to Brazil which will host the 2016 summer Olympic games. After touring the facilities we’ll take time to watch some track and field events or sit through a tense round of gymnastics. This is the dream trip for all my chaser chaser friends out there because the city will be filled with nothing but muscular hairless men with well built glutes who wear nothing but spandex.
4 Calling Birds
When it comes to the 12 Days of Christmas day 4 has had the most variation of any of the days. While Calling Birds have become the standard, there are also versions that list them as Colly birds and colored birds. Despite the slight variations the point of the day is to celebrate birds. The best place to do that is in Singapore at the world’s largest bird sanctuary. We’ll spend all day exploring Jurong Bird Park to find as many species of birds as possible.
3 French Hens
Any destination in France is wonderful but we’re going to focus our journey on the wine country where we can eat and drink our way through the glorious French culture of cuisine. The spirit of Julia Child will guide us through our journey of culinary delights.
2 Turtle Doves
Turtle Doves are small birds that are found all around the Mediterranean Sea. That’s as good an excuse as any to get on board a big ship for a week long Mediterranean cruise. Cruising around the Medi is one of my ultimate dream vacations and you all are welcome to join me. Days at sea can be spent by the pool or at the buffet while we plan all of our activities for when we pull up to our next port. With stops in Spain, Morocco, Italy, and Greece there will not be a lack of options.
A Partridge in a Pear Tree
No one has built a Partridge Family museum yet so we’ll instead have to celebrate the first day by traveling to the place where pears are plentiful. The majority of the world’s pears are actually grown in the Pacific Northwest so Portland Oregon will act be the perfect host. We’ll pass our time in a local coffee shop snacking on pear tarts and dressed in our best flannel all the whole liking everything ironically.