We Love Kim Davis

tumblr_nvilx7K2t41qcb3w6o1_1280Be honest, deep down we love Kim Davis. In fact we need Kim Davis. She’s the lazy man’s villain we need to prove that we’re the good guys. She’s the Lex Luthor to our Superman. Like Lex Luthor she’s evil but we all know at the end of the day there’s no real threat and good will triumph like it always does. Nothing feels better than the self-righteous glory you get from fighting injustice simply by sharing an angry article from the comfort of your couch.

But what do we do with all this pent-up rage? Should we take real action like boycotting a delicious chicken restaurant that openly gives money to anti-gay groups? Should we just relax and be happy? FUCK NO! We need someone to hate. We need a villain. Correction: We need an unintimidating villain with very little power that we’re able to focus our anger towards simply by making fun of her bad hair. Those memes aren’t going to make themselves. Does it matter that her actions are only directly affecting less than 1% of the population? No. Does it matter that those 1% can go to any other county in the state to get a marriage license? No. Does it matter that she doesn’t matter? No. The only thing that matters is that we have someone to hate. Getting mad at Kim Davis and making snarky comments about her appearance serves the real purpose of us feeling better about ourselves. She gives us that much-needed self-righteous high. Oh and what a high it is. It’s similar to the high we get when we type an opinionated 3 paragraph comment every time someone shares a Huffington Post article about the Pope.

Whatever we do we can’t stop talking about Kim Davis. Please don’t stop talking about her. We need to keep re-posting the same articles about her on Facebook over and over again. Like another famous Kim, attention and publicity is what keeps her alive. If we stop talking about her she might actually go away and be forgotten. Oh god what would we do then?! We wouldn’t have an excuse to be outraged. I for one don’t want to live in a world where we actually direct our outrage toward high-ranking congressmen with real power. Congressmen who, for example, have the power to shut down the government. Their hair isn’t as bad and their clothes aren’t as ugly. Obviously they’re not the real villains. We’re not fooled by your tricks Satan. We know that Kim Davis is the real enemy and I won’t listen to anyone who calls her a red herring.

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