The Sauna Smoker and The Evil Pumpkin

I came across this picture on Tumblr and the more I looked at it the more I became perplexed. Obviously this was a deliberately staged photo and not just an “in-the-moment selfie.” The picture’s overly styled look is something Vanity Fair would do if they ever put out a porn issue. 

So much of this photo feels contrived. The wood wall setting reminds me of a sauna although I’m guessing they were going for a log cabin vibe. What stuck out to me first was the cigarette. The equation of beer+cigarettes= tattoos is so cliché and in this case they haven’t even done the cliché well. The model is giving strong face and the cigarette just gets in the way. To be clear this is an esthetic critique and not a rant on smoking. While the Miller beer can also seems forced I’ll except it’s use as a way to sets a mood. 

Visually there’s a lot to look at here. As my eyes dart around taking it all in and I notice his bangs, his tattoos, his balls, the cigarette, the beer can, the sauna-esc wood paneling and then the pumpkin. Oh the pumpkin. I don’t know how I missed it but I noticed the evil light up pumpkin last. I’m not even sure what to say other than who looked at this shot and said, “You know what’s missing? A big light up pumpkin.” What exactly is the senecio supposed to be here? Is he a hard drinking chain smoking bad boy who got drunk at a Halloween party in his buddy’s dry sauna? Or better yet maybe he’s a anarchist recluse who lives up in the woods with his Wilson impaired best friend Jack-O the pumpkin. Either way it feels overly cerebral for a porn picture.  

My recommendation: Stop trying to reinvent the wheel and lose all the props. Get his dick hard and spread his legs wide so his hairy hole is presented properly. 

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