Hate The Clothes Not Your Body

I’m going to Southern Decadence in New Orleans again this year and staying at the Omni hotel with the Decadent Ducks who are known for their awesome pool parties. This year one of the pool parties has a speedo theme. This took some thought and planning on my part because I’ve never actually worn a speedo. The hunt for the perfect one began a couple of weeks ago when a friend referred me to Etsy. It was there that I found the one that I absolutely fell in love with. I actually found a bathing suit covered in pictures of puppies! LOVE! I ordered it and when it was delivered it was everything I wanted it to be. That was until I put it on…

It all goes back to that classic fashion rule that just because you like something doesn’t mean it will look good on you. The cut of this speedo was incredibly unflattering on my body. At first I tried to ignore it but the more I looked at myself in the mirror the more I knew this was a fashion abomination. Let’s just say the boxy cut did nothing for my tiny tooshie and instead gave me pure granny panties realness. I tried very hard not to start blaming my body because I knew the problem was the material not me. Luckily I found a skimpy Andrew Christian suit at a local store (Thank you Outlines!) in the Dallas gayborhood. I’ve had a lot of Andrew Christian bathing suits in the past and they’ve always looked great on me. It’s really a brand I can count on. When I tried it on it was remarkably better than the earlier puppy problem.

The lesson here is that when something doesn’t look good on you don’t blame your body blame the clothes. Not everything looks good on everyone and sometimes just because we like it on a hanger doesn’t mean it’s right for us. I literally fell in love with that puppy speedo but I had to let it go in favor of something more flattering. The other lesson is that everyone has a different body and shape. Andrew Christian works well for my body but it might not work for yours. In fact I passed the puppy speedo along to me roommate Mark whose amazing booty will probably look much better in it.

I realize talk is cheap and the proof is in the pictures. So I’ll put my pride on hold and show you the difference in bathing suit cuts. These pictures prove without a doubt that cut is one of the most important things when picking out clothing. Remember, don’t blame your body blame the clothes.

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P.S. A shout out to all my grammar Nazi readers: I know speedo is a brand name and should technically be capitalized but I’m using the term to refer to the general style not the specific brand.

One thought on “Hate The Clothes Not Your Body

  1. I liked the puppies one better graphically. It looked great in the front to me. The back may have needed about two-four inches less fabric on the top but I think you could have pulled it off. Did you consider getting them tailored? It’s too cute a suit to lose completely.

    That other suit is serving full frontal box realness though.


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