If Growlr Profiles Were Brutally Honest

indexWith all the bullshit out there what if guys were brutally honest with their Growlr profiles? Here are some of the profiles I think we’d see a lot more of:

  1. “I have no intention of ever meeting you in person. I just want to sext with you and get some dirty pictures so I can jerk off before bed.”
  2. “Don’t you remember me? I’ve had the same profile picture for 12 years.”
  3. “I don’t have a face pic because I’m ugly as fuck.”
  4. “I’ll never say hello but I’ll passive aggressively view your profile everyday for a month.”
  5. “As a chaser I get mad when a bear has the exact same taste in men as I do.”
  6. “Don’t message me if English isn’t your first language. I will take a screen shot of your fumbled compliment and post it to Facebook. All non English speakers are idiots by definition and should be laughed at.”
  7. “I pretend to have standards online.”
  8. “Straight married daddies are preferred because I have deep commitment issues.”
  9. “I tell everyone I only play safe because bareback doesn’t count if you’re the top.”
  10. “420 friendly isn’t so much a suggestion as a requirement. I’m literally always high.”
  11. “I’m very socially awkward… unless of course I think you’re hot. I only know how to talk to guys I think are hot.”
  12. “I’m going to think you’re hot only until you turn me down. Then I’m going to call you a fat asshole.”
  13. I’m going to tell you that my partner and I don’t play together but in reality he just thinks you’re ugly.”
  14. “I won’t respond if all you do is unlock your private pictures. I will however look at the pictures and show them to all of my friends.”
  15. “The only reason why I’m considering your blow job offer is because it’s 10pm on a Tuesday and you live in my building.”
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8 thoughts on “If Growlr Profiles Were Brutally Honest

  1. “My profile says I’m only into muscle bears, but I’m really into chubby dudes and I don’t want my friends finding out.” – experienced this SO MANY TIMES

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  2. “I’m super hot and I say I monogamous so that I can blow off guys I am not into and only go after the guys I am interested in.”

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  3. “I say you can never have too much friends but only talk to people i´m attracted to and ignore all the others”. Yep, this is probably the most common people I find…

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  4. “I’m married and on the down low. Yes, my wife knows and no she doesn’t play. Unfortunately, you’re on the other end of town, yet I work downtown, which is only fifteen minutes away from where you live. Yes, I drive but mostly take the bus. No,I don’t know which route gets to your house even though you just gave me the easiest route that takes me directly to your doorstep.”

    Yeah, I got this one just recently.

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