I’ve written a lot about how my own issues can often get in my way and it’s true that many of us are held back by our own insecurities. I can talk endlessly about positive attitudes and confidence but there are some forces that are much harder to overcome. One of which is the big pink elephant in the room that I usually try to ignore. Looks matter a lot. I’m not saying that hot people live better lives or are happier I’m just admitting that they often have a much easier time obtaining things we regular people struggle for. Picture life as a video game and those blessed with good looks are given a list of cheat codes not available to everyone else. While we both end up winning the game the journey to get there was much longer and harder for some of us. If you’re like me and you’re not into video games I’ll use a better metaphor. It’s hard to be a Kelly Rowland living in a Beyonce world.

Kelly Rowland is my spirit animal. Even though she’s talented and pretty in her own right, Kelly has had to work much harder to climb up the ladder of success since leaving Destiny’s Child. Beyonce on the other hand has floated up to icon status on a fluffy pillow of praise. On paper both Kelly and Beyonce are evenly matched on when it comes to dance ability and raw vocal talent. However Beyonce is lucky enough to have that extra undefinable something needed for super stardom. I can identify with Kelly because sometimes I feel like I live in a world of Beyonces.

While social media is never a good way to truly judge value it does give a glimpse into our unfiltered urges and tendencies. The easiest way I can illustrate this is with Growlr. Regardless of relationship status, each of us wants to be liked on Growlr and get some positive attention. While a real life meet up might not always be on our agenda, we do want some sense of validation. If you’re lucky enough that validation can come from being featured in one of Growlr’s galleries. The bear hook up app has a gallery section with different categories one of which is Most Viewed. That gallery features the men whose profiles get the most looks around the world. There was a week several months ago when my 3 roommates, my boyfriend, and my best friend were all on Growlr’s most viewed list. Granted other factors come into play, but at the very base it means that most people around the world think they are hot. So in one week the 5 people I have the most contact with everyday were all knighted into the brotherhood of hotness. That’s some crazy shit. As you can imagine my Growlr presence gets much less attention by comparison. It’s a funny thing to see people who really get hundreds of Growlr messages on a daily basis. I learned something from watching their interactions with the app. It hadn’t occured to me before was that the Beyonces are constantly getting hit on every day. Everyday! Like Kelly I’m not a troll but I still need to do an hour long photo shoot by the pool so that my new profile picture can grow my viewer count from from 3 to 4.  You can almost imagine Kelly Rowland being pushed aside on the red carpet as the paparazzi hounds Beyonce. Although it might be easy for me as a Kelly to get discouraged I to don’t let it get me down. Instead I find it utterly fascinating to get a glimpse into the world that I otherwise don’t see. I just have to keep up the hard work because the Beyonce’s aren’t going anywhere and they’ll only get better with age. Life’s not fair and it isn’t going to change any time soon.

So how can we help each other out? To the Beyonce’s out there be very mindful of unintentional backdoor brags. No one wants to hear you complain about never being left alone on Growlr. To the Kellys, if you know a Beyonce don’t bother asking them what it’s like getting all the extra attention. It’s all they know and therefore it’s their normal. They have no concept of life on the other side. But if you start feeling inadequate try to find yourself a Michelle. Everyone feels better about themselves when they stand next to Michelle. #atleastImnotMichelle