20 UPDATED Signs You’re at a Bear Pool Party

1157600_10152139098999688_1360505095_nEvery year around this time my 2013 post about Bear Pool parties resurfaces and gets spread around. I felt it was time to give it an update.

1. There’s a 50% chance you’re not exactly sure who the homeowner is.

2. Overheard conversations include: Game of Thrones, RuPaul’s Drag Race, and news of the latest triad break up.

3. “I wonder if anyone ever uses that hot tub?”

4. Bong hits have been replaced with vape hits. (Flavored of course)

5. There’s never enough ice.

6. There’s always one guy who is a little too eager to get naked.

7. You’ll leave with at least one new friend request on Facebook. A year from now you’ll unfriend that person when you can’t remember who the hell he is.

8. Be warned: Drunk bears + Beyonce = A Dance Off

9. You’ll judge sexual compatibility based on how well he rims a jello shot

10. Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. All the really scandalous stuff happens in the bathroom. Punk buldge11. Bear moose knuckle will be plentiful. Some perfectly presented and others uncomfortably compressed.

12. Someone is still having sex upstairs.

13. No one will answer the door or let you in… the door will just be open.

14. Someone will try to give head underwater and fail miserably at it.

15. You’ll run into the guy you’ve been ignoring on Growlr.

16. You’ll run into the guy who’s been ignoring you on Growlr.

17. Don’t be basic, your Spotify playlist shouldn’t have commercials.

18. Bellies! All the beautiful bellies.

19. Looking through the array of red and blue coolers you’ll ask yourself “Who the hell brought Smirnoff Ice?”

20. Tip: It usually takes a minimum of 3 noodles to keep the average bear afloat.

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An Open Letter to Jon Stewart

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Good afternoon Mr. Stewart,

First let me congratulate you on the tremendous success of the Daily Show. You’ve become incredibly well-respected and caused everyone to forget that Craig Kilborn ever existed. I am writing you today because I’d like to offer a rebuttal to comments you made regarding Caitlyn Jenner.

While I agree with your overall point that many people are missing the big picture of how important this story is, I must disagree with your assertion that sexism has come into play. While rampant sexism is a very real problem I do not think it has anything to do with this situation. The media has made a lot of (mostly positive) comments about how Caitlyn looks because this is inherently a story about a physical transformation. Her brain, feelings, and ideas are still the same and it is her physical form that has transformed. Therefore it’s natural for us to react to that physical from. While there is an article in Vanity Fair that accompanies the cover photo the important part is the photo. The importance of the photo is that it brings visibility to a struggle rarely discussed in mainstream media. If Vanity Fair chose only to interview Jenner without photos and feature someone else on the cover than the whole thing would not have been such a momentous event. If that were the case then media, if they covered it at all, would probably be talking about her ideas and not her looks.

I applaud Caitlyn Jenner’s courage to put it all out there regardless of the details of how she did it. We should also recognize that she chose to come out wearing only a corset. That’s a very specific image she is choosing to project. She probably would have chosen a very different outfit if she didn’t wanted people to focus on her body. I’m not blaming her for her choice of outfit because I don’t think there is anything wrong with what she chose. I think it was a great choice and more importantly I think she’s getting exactly the attention she wanted. It’s OK for a woman to want people to listen to her ideas as much as it’s OK for a woman to want to get positive feedback about her appearance.

The short segment felt like lazy journalism and to be honest it pandered to your audience. Liberals can pander just as easily as conservatives. In a lot of these types of arguments someone inevitably brings up the cliché defense, “They wouldn’t say that if a man did it.” Let’s examine that. When Prince Fielder posed naked on the cover of ESPN Magazine I didn’t hear anyone talking about his political views. Furthermore, I challenge you to pose on the cover of a magazine in only a Speedo and see what people say. As a respected news entertainer you’d probably never do such as thing and there’s a reason why. Although she’s in great shape, there’s a reason we’ll never see Rachel Maddow in a bikini on the cover of Fitness magazine. You can’t blame us for commenting on the image a person puts forth. The only sexism that may be getting involved here is that women often need to show skin in order to get attention.

Going forward please remember that members of minority groups are multifaceted people and we/they are not always victims. Even though the intent is good many people often marginalize us because deep down they think of us as people who need protecting. Whether it’s women, trans people, gay people or any none white person, we all want to be treated as equal members of society and not as delicate aberrations that need constant defending. Caitlyn Jenner is a real person with complexities and while she should be praised as a pioneer she is far from helpless. Love it or hate it she came from the world of the Kardashians and she has definitely learned how to manipulate the media to her advantage.

One last thought, I honestly don’t think you had any bad intentions and I suspect this might just be a case of senioritis since you’re leaving the show in August. I wouldn’t have taken the time to write this letter if I didn’t respect your show. So have fun in your last weeks on the show and good luck in any future endeavors.

Sincerely,

The Gay Gasp

8 Great Ways to Get Drunk This Summer

1. Fruit Slice Jello Shots: This is an incredibly easy and incredibly fun way to have jello shots. Always a crowd pleaser. Directions Here

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2. Tennessee Fire: This is the Jack Daniel’s (better) version of Fireball. Less after burn than the original. Mix with Bailey’s for a tasty shot.

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3. Vodka Watermelon Frosty

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  • 2 1/4 cups frozen watermelon cubes
  • 2 shots vodka
  • 2 Tbsp honey
  • 1/2 lemon, squeezed (or a few drops of lemon juice concentrate)
  • 1/2 banana
  • Little bit of water/juice if needed to blend (depends on how frozen your watermelon is)

Blend all ingredients together in blender and garnish with frozen watermelon rind. Recipe

4. Vodka Apple Pie Milkshake

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  • 1/2 large apple, peeled, cored and cut into big chunks (about 3/4 cup)
  • Cinnamon and cloves to taste (a few shakes of cinnamon and one shake of cloves should do)
  • 1 shot (1.5 oz) vanilla vodka
  • 3 scoops vanilla ice cream

In a food processor or powerful blender, combine first three ingredients and process until smooth. Add ice cream and blend until milkshake. Recipe

5. Bananas Cream Rumshake

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  • 1 shot (1.5 oz) white rum
  • 1/2 shot (0.75 oz) Creme de banane
  • 1 heaping Tbsp Jell-O instant banana pudding mix
  • 4 scoops vanilla ice cream

Blend together first three ingredients until powder is dissolved. Add ice cream and blend at high-speed until milkshake. Recipe

6. Grapefruit Long Island Iced Tea Punch

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20 sprigs mint, plus more for garnish
1 cup sugar
2 cups gin
2 cups fresh pink grapefruit juice
2 cups white rum
2 cups tequila
2 cups triple sec
2 cups vodka
One 2-liter bottle cola
1 pink grapefruit, sliced

Pull the leaves off of 10 sprigs of mint. Divide them among the 12 cups of a 12-cup muffin tin. Pour water over to cover. Freeze until firm, about 4 hours.  Combine the sugar with 1 cup water in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil and stir to dissolve the sugar. Add the remaining 10 sprigs of mint. Remove from heat and steep 15 minutes. Strain and allow the simple syrup to cool slightly.  Mix the gin, grapefruit juice, rum, tequila, triple sec, vodka and mint syrup in gallon-size container. Chill until ready to serve.

Pour the mixture into a large punch bowl. Pour in the cola just before serving. Float 6 to 8 grapefruit slices in the punch. Unmold the mint ice cubes and add to the punch bowl. Serve in cups over ice and garnish with mint sprigs. Recipe

7. Frozen Shot Glasses: (courtesy of Amazon) Freeze these babies up and add your favorite shot. Goes well with the Tennessee Fire.
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8. Tequila Sunrise Popsicles
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  • 2 cups pineapple juice
  • 1 lb, fresh pineapple, peeled and pureed
  • 3/4 cup tequila
  • 1/4 cup grenadine

Combine and stir pineapple juice, pureed pineapple and tequila. Fill popsicle wells 3/4 way up with pineapple mixture. Pour 1 teaspoon of grenadine into each well. Recipe

Bad Ass Bitches

Successful women are all around us though the media rarely focus attention on them. Many of the ladies that grab the most headlines are the ones who matter the least. The  women we should be listening to are the ones who are the leaders in their fields and whose names we don’t immediately recognize. These are the women who prove that gender has nothing to do with talent or power. The 7 women below have success that has nothing to do with media attention or the amount of followers they have on Twitter. These women are the real role models. It should be noted that I have included a very brief description of each person but it by no means does them justice. Each woman is worth a Google search for further information.

Entertainment

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7. Bonnie Hammer: Bonnie Hammer is the Chairwoman of Cable Entertainment Group. While you probably have never heard of C.E.G. you most definitely have heard of their brands which include television networks like USA, Bravo, E! and SyFy. She has her Masters from Boston University and started as a producer of the classic PBS show This Old House.

Business

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6. Mary Barra: As CEO of General Motors she is the first women to lead a major automaker. Barra got her MBA from Stanford and has worked for GM since the age of 18. GM’s earning for 2014 were an estimated $2.1 Billion.

The Arts

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5. Audra McDonald: McDonald is a singer and actress best known for her work on Broadway. Amongst her many accomplishments, he has won more Tony Awards than any other actor or actress (6). What makes her career even more unique is that she has won awards for both plays and musicals. Audra McDonald is the only person to ever win a Tony in each of the 4 acting categories. (the categories represent best leading and supporting actress in a play and best leading and supporting actress in a musical) Her first Tony was in 1994 for Carousel and most recently in 2014 for Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill.

Science

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4. Ada Yonath: Ada Yonath is a scientist who won the 2009 Nobel Prize in chemistry for her work with ribosomes. In a field that has very few women, she is only the fourth women in history to win the award that counts Marie Curie as a past honoree. She is also the first women from the Middle East (Israel) to win the prize. She has her PhD from the Weizmann Institute of Science and is now a professor there.

Entrepreneurs

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3. Elizabeth Holmes: Holmes is the founder and CEO of Theranos which is a blood testing company that is valued at $9 billion. She dropped out of Stanford while studying chemical engineering in her sophomore to start the company that provides quicker and cheaper blood testing services. Born in 1984 she is also won of the youngest CEOs of a billion dollar company.

Internet/Tech

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2. Susan Wojcicki: After years with Google, Wojcicki was the named the CEO of YouTube in 2014. While earnings for YouTube alone were hard to find it’s estimated that the revolutionary video sharing site makes up about 10% of Google’s total earnings which for 2014 were over $66 Billion. She got her MBA from UCLA and has been with Google for so long that the company’s first offices were in her garage when it incorporated in 1998.

Government

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1. Ruth Bader Ginsberg: Ruth Bader Ginsberg is one of the 9 judges on the US Supreme Court. Since her start on the Supreme Court in 1993 she has fought for women’s right and is one of the major supporters of the fight for gay marriage. She has become somewhat of an icon to many and has even inspired the nickname the Notorious R.B.G which even has its own Tumblr page. She graduated from Columbia Law School in 1959 after studying at Cornell and Harvard.