20 UPDATED Signs You’re at a Bear Pool Party

1157600_10152139098999688_1360505095_nEvery year around this time my 2013 post about Bear Pool parties resurfaces and gets spread around. I felt it was time to give it an update.

1. There’s a 50% chance you’re not exactly sure who the homeowner is.

2. Overheard conversations include: Game of Thrones, RuPaul’s Drag Race, and news of the latest triad break up.

3. “I wonder if anyone ever uses that hot tub?”

4. Bong hits have been replaced with vape hits. (Flavored of course)

5. There’s never enough ice.

6. There’s always one guy who is a little too eager to get naked.

7. You’ll leave with at least one new friend request on Facebook. A year from now you’ll unfriend that person when you can’t remember who the hell he is.

8. Be warned: Drunk bears + Beyonce = A Dance Off

9. You’ll judge sexual compatibility based on how well he rims a jello shot

10. Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. All the really scandalous stuff happens in the bathroom. Punk buldge11. Bear moose knuckle will be plentiful. Some perfectly presented and others uncomfortably compressed.

12. Someone is still having sex upstairs.

13. No one will answer the door or let you in… the door will just be open.

14. Someone will try to give head underwater and fail miserably at it.

15. You’ll run into the guy you’ve been ignoring on Growlr.

16. You’ll run into the guy who’s been ignoring you on Growlr.

17. Don’t be basic, your Spotify playlist shouldn’t have commercials.

18. Bellies! All the beautiful bellies.

19. Looking through the array of red and blue coolers you’ll ask yourself “Who the hell brought Smirnoff Ice?”

20. Tip: It usually takes a minimum of 3 noodles to keep the average bear afloat.

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