The Pros and Cons of Bear Week

Thousands of bears invade the small Cape Cod town of Provincetown every July for Bear Week. Should you go? There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s all about perspective.

Pro: For one week the streets are infested with so much burly eye candy that your brain is in danger of over heating.


Con: Bear Week means you’ll have access to thousands of bears from all over the country. But it also means all of those thousands of bears will also be competition for the guy you like. If you’re single or if you want to meet new people you now have Olympic level competition all within a 5 mile radius. Once I had to remind an über hot friend of mine that getting overlooked at a bear run doesn’t always mean you’re ugly. It might simply mean that you are falling victim to an overly saturated market.


Pro: You get to experience the charm of a small New England beach town. The buildings are full of character and the cozy streets are a picturesque backdrop to your summer vacation.


Con: If you’re from New England you realize that cozy = tiny and character = old and shitty.


Pro: Like Europe, if you’re lucky enough to get the chance everyone should experience Bear Week at least once.


Con: It’s insanely expensive! It will be one of the most expensive vacations you’ll ever take. You seriously can go to Europe for the same price.


Pro: Most people rent a house for the week so it’s a great trip to plan with a big group of friends.


Con: You might not be in the mood to share a two bedroom condo with 10 other people.


Pro: Plenty of places are air conditioned if you want to get away from the heat.


Con: The air conditioning is probably coming from a single window unit that’s older than the guys under the dick dock.


Pro: Tea Dance at the Boatslip is the main event at 4:00 pm everyday. Everyone will be there partying with their planters punch.


Con: Your friends won’t pace themselves with the punch and therefore they’ll be passed out by 9. Be ready to fly solo if you want to stay out late.


Pro: Bear Week is a common site for gay wedding ceremonies because Massachusetts was the very first state to legalize same sex marriage over a decade before Obergefell v Hodge. Be prepared to attend a ceremony on the beach.


Con:  Be prepared to attend a ceremony on the beach.


Pro: Spiritus Pizza is a delicious late night snack.


Con: All the other 2000 bears know about Spiritus too and it’s the only pizza place in town.


Pro: There are miles of beautiful sandy beaches to enjoy


Con: The water is ice cold


When I went to Bear Week I had a great time and I can honestly say that everyone should go at least once. Whether or not you like it enough to spend the money to go back is up to you. Personally I think its overpriced for what it is but that’s just me.


Celebrating The Fighters

The historic ruling in support of same sex marriage has left me with a tremendous feeling of gratitude. Gratitude to those men and women who have fought on the front lines for this freedom. 

Personally I’ve never been a fighter. I don’t run from challenges but rather I’ve always chosen to work around them. Most of the time I think conflict and battle is just a big waste time doing nothing to further change. Luckily we are all different and there are people who are unwilling to just ‘make do’ as I would. Luckily there are people who are and were willing to fight the hard fight. It’s one of those rare moments in history where we can see first hand that an individual can change the world. The couple’s behind this case are real people who wouldn’t take no for an answer. If I had been in James Obergefell’s situation I would have probably given up a long time ago. He had to deal with the heartbreaking lose of his partner only to then have to suffer through years of court battles. I don’t think I would have been strong enough. So as Pride month draws to a close and we gather to celebrate love and victory also celebrate every individual who fought the hard fight for freedom. Celebrate fighters of the past like Marsha P Johnson and fighters of the present like James Obergefell who made our parties possible. 

Meet The Supremes


Last Saturday I was watching my boyfriend Russell play softball when fellow softball widow Josh and I got into a conversation about the Supreme Court Justices. Other than a few well known names, neither of us knew every members of the Supreme Court. With that in mind I thought it might be helpful and interesting to learn a little bit more about the 9 men and women who hold the fate of gay marriage in their hands.

JRobertsJohn Roberts

  • Chief Justice
  • Age 60 (1955)
  • Born in Buffalo, New York
  • Appoint in 2005
  • Appointed by George W Bush

SAlitoSamuel Alito

  • Associate Justice
  • Age 65 (1950)
  • Born in Trenton, Jew Jersey
  • Appointed in 2006
  • Appointed by George W Bush

RGinsburg2Ruth Bader Ginsburg

  • Associate Justice
  • Age 82 (1933)
  • Born in Brooklyn, New York
  • Appointed in 1993
  • Appointed by Bill Clinton

SBreyerStephen Breyer

  • Associate Justice
  • Age 76 (1938)
  • Born in San Francisco, California
  • Appointed in 1994
  • Appointed by Bill Clinton

Elena Kagan

  • Associate Justice
  • Age 55 (1960)
  • Born in New York, New York
  • Appointed in 2010
  • Appointed by Barak Obama

Official Photograph of Justice Anthony KennedyAnthony Kennedy

  • Associate Justice
  • Age 78 (1936)
  • Born in Sacramento, California
  • Appointed in 1988
  • Appointed by Ronald Regan

AScalia2Antonin Scalia

  • Associate Justice
  • Age 79 (1936)
  • Born in Trenton, New Jersey
  • Appointed in 1986
  • Appointed by Ronald Regan

SSotomayorSonia Sotomayor

  • Associate Justice
  • Age 62 (1954)
  • Born in Bronx, New York
  • Appointed in 2009
  • Appointed by Barack Obama

CThomasClarence Thomas

  • Associate Justice
  • Age 67 (1948)
  • Born in Pinpoint, Georgia
  • Appointed in 1991
  • Appointed by George Bush

Duck Dynasty Deserves to Continue

 Did you know Duck Dynasty is still on the air? The 8th season is premiering on June 24th with little to no opposition. Last year liberal groups grabbed their pitch forks and lit their torches when cast member Phil Robertson made anti-gay remarks. Like me you probably recall your Facebook newsfeed being full of angry cries for cancelation. While the show was taken of the air it wasn’t cancelled. A&E apparently pulled the show for several months to let all the controversy die down because they realized that in the age of the Outrage Movement the wrath of the internet is forgotten about as quickly as it is started. Everyone who was so angry last year has moved on and probably doesn’t even realize that the show is continuing without permanent damage.  

Personally I don’t think the show should’ve been cancelled. Obviously I don’t agree with Robertson’s opinions but one man’s views shouldn’t sink the whole ship. In fact I was kind of surprised when everyone was outraged about what he said. He is an elderly man who has grown up in the backwoods swamps of Louisiana. I might be a little prejudice but that doesn’t exactly lend itself to a progressive world view. Honestly were you really surprised he was an anti-gay conservative? Duck Dynasty is a conservative show with a very large conservative audience. Like most Republican’s, just because I think he’s an out-of-touch small minded relic doesn’t mean he doesn’t have the right to be honest about what he thinks. This is especially true when the remarks have nothing to do with the show he’s on. Duck Dynasty has nothing to do with gay people and I doubt the family regularly sits around discussing civil rights on camera. In reality he’s not doing anyone direct harm other than being mean. Why should I care that he doesn’t like us? If the show featured the family members engaged in hate crimes or setting up conversion camps then I would definitely want it pulled from the air permanently. But as it stands it was just an interview off camera where a conservative man talked about his conservative views. In the sarcastic words of Miranda Priestly, “Groundbreaking.”

I’ve always liked television and I used to love the show Murphy Brown. I still hope a cable network will bring the reruns back. For those who are unfamiliar, the show centered on the title character who was a liberal loudmouth news reporter. I remember one episode where Murphy was going to do a controversial interview on the fictional FYI news program. I don’t remember the exact details but the segment was in danger of being pulled because conservative family groups were going to boycott and advertisers were pulling out. In the end the interview aired because one business owner didn’t believe in censorship despite the fact that he personally didn’t agree with Brown’s views. While the story was pure fiction it did reflect the trend of the conservative boycotts that were very common in the early 90’s. Back then many conservative groups used boycotts as a way of censoring topics they didn’t like. I’m a little disappointed to see that liberal groups are now using the same tactic. “It’s ok for us to do it because we’re right.” is never a good defense. It’s like your mom telling you to do something because she said so. If I want to be able to watch grown men in dresses compete for a crown and $100,000 then it’s only fair to let conservatives watch shows about other crazy conservatives. This isn’t exactly a free speech issue because no one is being criminally persecuted however the ideals of free speech come into play. Free speech doesn’t have a kindness clause. Truly believing in free speech means that you are willing to stand up for someone’s right to say something you hate.

All The Fucks I Give

redhatcropI don’t always have great self-esteem. Talking about self-esteem is usually a conversation about how we feel about our bodies even though it can refer to anything from education level to athletic ability. If you were to put my self-esteem on a timeline there would be natural peaks and valleys. One of my lowest points as an adult was about 5 or 6 years ago when my professional life was crumbling and my personal life was at an all-time low. Physically I felt like I was never enough. Coincidentally that feeling is a common theme throughout my life. It even flared up a couple of years ago after a significant weight loss. I guess that’s how low self-esteem chooses to manifest itself in my brain. On the flip side there are/were points in my life when I’ve felt great about myself. The times when all that excess noise in my brain is put on mute. Having spent time on both sides of the self-esteem fence I can tell you that both experiences have taught me a lot.

What I’ve learned from having confidence

I love clothing and it’s by far the number one thing I’ve always been the most confident in. I always feel my best when I’m wearing a new outfit. This would be the perfect time to tell you a story of a time when someone said something bitchy about my clothes and how well I reacted. However I can’t think of a single incident. I’m not saying it’s never happened I’m just saying that it mattered so little that I truly have no memory of it. Remember that old saying from when we were kids “I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.” Well I can attest to the fact that insults really do bounce off my clothes. I also realize the irony that the industry synonymous with making people feel like shit is the same one that’s given me life. Apart from clothes, I must admit being in a happy relationship has also given me an extra confidence boost. Now that I’ve found someone who truly cares about me it’s like having a permanent safety net. I can be a little bit more adventurous and bold because deep down I know I have a solid foundation. I’ve already won the game so now I can just go out there and have fun. Being worry free is real confidence.

What I’ve learned from having low self-esteem

As I mentioned my low self-esteem bubbled up a couple of years ago when I lost 40 lbs. My self-doubt was constantly poked as people started to make offhand digs about my appearance. So while it was a success that most people would shout from the roof tops, losing weight left me feeling out-of-place and lacking. My journey of weight loss was definitely weird coming from a community that doesn’t always make health a top priority. Those digs about my appearance and how I reacted to them helped me learn a huge lesson though. Like I said earlier my clothes were always my bulletproof suit of armor regardless of the size on the tag. If I liked my body as much as my clothes then it wouldn’t bother me what people said. I realized I wasn’t bothered by what people said I was actually bothered by what I assumed they meant. For example when someone would say, “Wow you look so skinny” I would hear it as, “Wow you look so unfuckable.” Many of you reading this will instantly realize how ridiculous it sounds that I made that jump in my head. I am being totally honest though when I tell you I was sure that is what they meant. It was an unshakeable fact in my mind and no one could tell me differently. No one was making me feel ugly and inadequate I was doing it all by myself. I’m slightly amazed at how much my low self-esteem clouded my perception of reality. It was like I was wearing a pair of dirty eye glasses. If I just cleaned them up a bit I’d be able to see things much clearer. Looking back at it I have no doubt that the people who said I looked skinny were genuinely trying to give me a compliment and they probably had no idea of the turmoil they were fueling.


I am glad to report that now my confidence has leveled out. I wouldn’t say that I 100% love the way I look but I’ve settled into accepting the body I have. Everyone else can either take it or leave it. True confidence isn’t thinking that you’re perfect but genuinely not giving a fuck what the crowd thinks of you. Being worry free is the key to confidence. Obviously it’s hard to maintain that all the time but I found the trick is to notice when your self-doubt is creeping in and not letting it get the best of you.

20 UPDATED Signs You’re at a Bear Pool Party

1157600_10152139098999688_1360505095_nEvery year around this time my 2013 post about Bear Pool parties resurfaces and gets spread around. I felt it was time to give it an update.

1. There’s a 50% chance you’re not exactly sure who the homeowner is.

2. Overheard conversations include: Game of Thrones, RuPaul’s Drag Race, and news of the latest triad break up.

3. “I wonder if anyone ever uses that hot tub?”

4. Bong hits have been replaced with vape hits. (Flavored of course)

5. There’s never enough ice.

6. There’s always one guy who is a little too eager to get naked.

7. You’ll leave with at least one new friend request on Facebook. A year from now you’ll unfriend that person when you can’t remember who the hell he is.

8. Be warned: Drunk bears + Beyonce = A Dance Off

9. You’ll judge sexual compatibility based on how well he rims a jello shot

10. Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll. All the really scandalous stuff happens in the bathroom. Punk buldge11. Bear moose knuckle will be plentiful. Some perfectly presented and others uncomfortably compressed.

12. Someone is still having sex upstairs.

13. No one will answer the door or let you in… the door will just be open.

14. Someone will try to give head underwater and fail miserably at it.

15. You’ll run into the guy you’ve been ignoring on Growlr.

16. You’ll run into the guy who’s been ignoring you on Growlr.

17. Don’t be basic, your Spotify playlist shouldn’t have commercials.

18. Bellies! All the beautiful bellies.

19. Looking through the array of red and blue coolers you’ll ask yourself “Who the hell brought Smirnoff Ice?”

20. Tip: It usually takes a minimum of 3 noodles to keep the average bear afloat.

An Open Letter to Jon Stewart


Good afternoon Mr. Stewart,

First let me congratulate you on the tremendous success of the Daily Show. You’ve become incredibly well-respected and caused everyone to forget that Craig Kilborn ever existed. I am writing you today because I’d like to offer a rebuttal to comments you made regarding Caitlyn Jenner.

While I agree with your overall point that many people are missing the big picture of how important this story is, I must disagree with your assertion that sexism has come into play. While rampant sexism is a very real problem I do not think it has anything to do with this situation. The media has made a lot of (mostly positive) comments about how Caitlyn looks because this is inherently a story about a physical transformation. Her brain, feelings, and ideas are still the same and it is her physical form that has transformed. Therefore it’s natural for us to react to that physical from. While there is an article in Vanity Fair that accompanies the cover photo the important part is the photo. The importance of the photo is that it brings visibility to a struggle rarely discussed in mainstream media. If Vanity Fair chose only to interview Jenner without photos and feature someone else on the cover than the whole thing would not have been such a momentous event. If that were the case then media, if they covered it at all, would probably be talking about her ideas and not her looks.

I applaud Caitlyn Jenner’s courage to put it all out there regardless of the details of how she did it. We should also recognize that she chose to come out wearing only a corset. That’s a very specific image she is choosing to project. She probably would have chosen a very different outfit if she didn’t wanted people to focus on her body. I’m not blaming her for her choice of outfit because I don’t think there is anything wrong with what she chose. I think it was a great choice and more importantly I think she’s getting exactly the attention she wanted. It’s OK for a woman to want people to listen to her ideas as much as it’s OK for a woman to want to get positive feedback about her appearance.

The short segment felt like lazy journalism and to be honest it pandered to your audience. Liberals can pander just as easily as conservatives. In a lot of these types of arguments someone inevitably brings up the cliché defense, “They wouldn’t say that if a man did it.” Let’s examine that. When Prince Fielder posed naked on the cover of ESPN Magazine I didn’t hear anyone talking about his political views. Furthermore, I challenge you to pose on the cover of a magazine in only a Speedo and see what people say. As a respected news entertainer you’d probably never do such as thing and there’s a reason why. Although she’s in great shape, there’s a reason we’ll never see Rachel Maddow in a bikini on the cover of Fitness magazine. You can’t blame us for commenting on the image a person puts forth. The only sexism that may be getting involved here is that women often need to show skin in order to get attention.

Going forward please remember that members of minority groups are multifaceted people and we/they are not always victims. Even though the intent is good many people often marginalize us because deep down they think of us as people who need protecting. Whether it’s women, trans people, gay people or any none white person, we all want to be treated as equal members of society and not as delicate aberrations that need constant defending. Caitlyn Jenner is a real person with complexities and while she should be praised as a pioneer she is far from helpless. Love it or hate it she came from the world of the Kardashians and she has definitely learned how to manipulate the media to her advantage.

One last thought, I honestly don’t think you had any bad intentions and I suspect this might just be a case of senioritis since you’re leaving the show in August. I wouldn’t have taken the time to write this letter if I didn’t respect your show. So have fun in your last weeks on the show and good luck in any future endeavors.


The Gay Gasp

8 Great Ways to Get Drunk This Summer

1. Fruit Slice Jello Shots: This is an incredibly easy and incredibly fun way to have jello shots. Always a crowd pleaser. Directions Here


2. Tennessee Fire: This is the Jack Daniel’s (better) version of Fireball. Less after burn than the original. Mix with Bailey’s for a tasty shot.


3. Vodka Watermelon Frosty


  • 2 1/4 cups frozen watermelon cubes
  • 2 shots vodka
  • 2 Tbsp honey
  • 1/2 lemon, squeezed (or a few drops of lemon juice concentrate)
  • 1/2 banana
  • Little bit of water/juice if needed to blend (depends on how frozen your watermelon is)

Blend all ingredients together in blender and garnish with frozen watermelon rind. Recipe

4. Vodka Apple Pie Milkshake


  • 1/2 large apple, peeled, cored and cut into big chunks (about 3/4 cup)
  • Cinnamon and cloves to taste (a few shakes of cinnamon and one shake of cloves should do)
  • 1 shot (1.5 oz) vanilla vodka
  • 3 scoops vanilla ice cream

In a food processor or powerful blender, combine first three ingredients and process until smooth. Add ice cream and blend until milkshake. Recipe

5. Bananas Cream Rumshake


  • 1 shot (1.5 oz) white rum
  • 1/2 shot (0.75 oz) Creme de banane
  • 1 heaping Tbsp Jell-O instant banana pudding mix
  • 4 scoops vanilla ice cream

Blend together first three ingredients until powder is dissolved. Add ice cream and blend at high-speed until milkshake. Recipe

6. Grapefruit Long Island Iced Tea Punch


20 sprigs mint, plus more for garnish
1 cup sugar
2 cups gin
2 cups fresh pink grapefruit juice
2 cups white rum
2 cups tequila
2 cups triple sec
2 cups vodka
One 2-liter bottle cola
1 pink grapefruit, sliced

Pull the leaves off of 10 sprigs of mint. Divide them among the 12 cups of a 12-cup muffin tin. Pour water over to cover. Freeze until firm, about 4 hours.  Combine the sugar with 1 cup water in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Bring to a boil and stir to dissolve the sugar. Add the remaining 10 sprigs of mint. Remove from heat and steep 15 minutes. Strain and allow the simple syrup to cool slightly.  Mix the gin, grapefruit juice, rum, tequila, triple sec, vodka and mint syrup in gallon-size container. Chill until ready to serve.

Pour the mixture into a large punch bowl. Pour in the cola just before serving. Float 6 to 8 grapefruit slices in the punch. Unmold the mint ice cubes and add to the punch bowl. Serve in cups over ice and garnish with mint sprigs. Recipe

7. Frozen Shot Glasses: (courtesy of Amazon) Freeze these babies up and add your favorite shot. Goes well with the Tennessee Fire.
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8. Tequila Sunrise Popsicles

  • 2 cups pineapple juice
  • 1 lb, fresh pineapple, peeled and pureed
  • 3/4 cup tequila
  • 1/4 cup grenadine

Combine and stir pineapple juice, pureed pineapple and tequila. Fill popsicle wells 3/4 way up with pineapple mixture. Pour 1 teaspoon of grenadine into each well. Recipe