Bring this to your next bear run and play along with your friends. The first person to get a full card wins a free Z-pack.
Facebook Stranger: You’re meeting him for the first time even though you’re Facebook friends. It’s extra awkward because you know a lot about him from his excessive posts but he has no idea who you are because he has 5000 FB friends.
Mr. Monday: He’s the super hottie that messages you on Monday morning as you’re heading to the airport.
Waiting to Exhale: The guy who wears clothes two sizes to small.
Welcome Wagon: He’s a local that is always up for meeting new out-of-towners and acts as a sort of welcome wagon. He’s the first one to spot a lonely newbie and chat them up to help them feel comfortable. His friendship is valued at first but tarnished as you discover that needs the out-of-towners because none of the other locals will talk to him.
Bear Twink: He’s the very cute chubby guy who hates his body and will ditch any and all bears if he ever diets down to his goal weight.
Father Time: He’ll have on a baggy leather vest and a beard that reaches down past his nipples.
Mr. Shadow: He’s the guy that you keep running into everywhere you go. You’ll have close friends at the event that you’ll never cross paths with despite constant effort however this guy always knows where and when to find you.
The Newbie: It’s his first bear event ever and he’ll judge everyone and bitch about how he hates that the whole weekend is about sex. He’ll also hit you up on Growlr at 2am begging to be fucked.
Stealth Bomber: He’s the ultimate player. He’s broken a lot of hearts and pissed off a lot bears with his game playing. So much so that he doesn’t post anything on Facebook or tell anyone in advance that he’s going for fear of the angry mob that will inevitably want his head. More likely he also got rid of Facebook to avoid the constant angry bear confrontations.
The Vendor: He has a booth at the vendor market. He’s probably selling candles, soaps, tee-shirts, leather goods, sex toys, underwear or porn.
SBB (Secret Boyfriend Bear): This is when you meet a guy who is really cute and fun and could consider dating. That is until he mentions a partner back home. That is usually followed by the phrase, “He’s really not into bear runs.”
Two Thirds: This is the couple that is constantly looking for their permanent third with no success. There have been many train wreck cubs that have come and gone but none of them have been a good
Eeyore: This person complains about every detail of the event and are constantly telling you about better events that they’ve been to. Whenever you’re around this person or couple you often wonder “If they hate it so much why did they even come?” Very similar to the standard Eeyore is the Pretentious Eeyore who complains that all the bear events in Europe and Australia are so much better. PEs also talk a lot about their over abundance of frequent flyer miles.
The Cautionary Tale: He goes to every party and he parties harder than anyone else. You can always count on him for a bump of coke or a hit of ecstasy. He’s been going strong for decades and shows no sign of slowing down. You love his crazy stories and admire his longevity but deep down you hope you never turn out like him.
Red Barron: He’s the overly muscled gym rat who’s tribal tattooed skin has that constant reddish tint of high blood pressure and steroids.
The Veterans: This is the couple that has been to this event more times than anyone else and they show their tenure by wearing the event tee-shirts from years past. The benefit of this couple is that they are a great source of info on local restaurants and airport transportation. The con is that they have a very rigid routine that will not be interrupted or changed.
Missed Opportunity: You’ve been chatting with him for weeks and now you’re finally going to get the chance to meet him in person. Unfortunately when you finally check into the hotel the excitement of the event takes over and you spend the rest of the weekend sending ‘Sorry I missed you’ or ‘Sorry I just left’ messages of Growlr.
Long Distance Lovers: This couple is a long distance couple that has chosen this bear event as a convenient “meet in the middle” weekend. They usually do a lot of the day time excursions and are in bed relatively early. You won’t see much of them.
The Title Holder: He is proudly wearing his leather vest complete with the large emblem showing off his
drag pageant leather contest win.
Surprise Surprise: He’s the unassuming person you meet early in the weekend who ends up being one of the best parts of the event.
Carey Bradshaw: This is the single guy who’s entire personality revolves around being single. He’ll find a way to make anything and everything about his lonely love life. A first you feel bad but over time you realize he’s just a self involved complainer. Everyone knows why he’s single except him.
Shouter: He’ll send numerous Growlr shouts throughout the weekend begging for anonymous loads in his hotel room. You’ll never actually see him in person.
BBRF (Best Bear Run Friend): He’s a great guy who you love to hang out with at bear runs. Although you’re a great pair at and event you suspect that if you lived in the same city you would actually have nothing in common in regular life.
Mr. Bitter: He’s home and complaining about all the posts he’s seeing from the event he’s missing.