I know I just wrote about how we shouldn’t judge the world too harshly and assume we could do better. But in this case I am 100% certain I could do better so let the hypocritical rant commence!
I found this picture on Twitter and I had to marvel in its ridiculousness. Why the hell is that guy wearing a full suit in a pool? Pool sex is hot. Suit sex is hot. Suit sex in a pool is just awkward and uncomfortable. I mean seriously… come on. You’re trying to tell me that this businessman walked outside and decided to get in the pool even though the naked man was on dry land? Also notice he didn’t just jump in the water in the heat of the moment because his top half is totally dry. Which means he walked in that pool on purpose. If you want to combine suits and pools at least have the two men switch places. It makes the storyline a little more realistic to have the naked guy in the pool when the hot businessman comes home from work. Then you can have the suited guy ass up next to the pool with his pants around his ankles. Isn’t that a little more believable? Better yet, have the naked guy ripe a huge easy access hole in the businessman’s pants to up the sexy factor.
The businessman isn’t the only ridiculous thing in this picture. What kind of awkward pose is Mr. Naked going for? I assume that photographers take hundreds of pictures at a porn shoot so how did this become the winning shot of the day? He looks like he’s in mid rollover which is causing a very weird fat deposit on his upper thigh. Also does he have balls? Is there a neutering fetish out there I don’t know about? If Twitter wants to compete for Tumblr’s porn customers then they’re going to have to seriously up their game.
Being gay in the 90’s was a lot less taboo than in previous decades but it also wasn’t as acceptable as it is now. Luckily I was a teenager with a dial-up AOL connection so I was able to search out gay culture in the freedom of the spare bedroom. Like many kids I sought out every gay movie I could find. I would literally watch anything that had a gay character in it just to see glimpses of who I might become. While there were many along the way I wanted to take a trip down memory lane and look back at some of my favorites.
1. Beautiful Thing
I love(d) this movie because it was a simple teenage love story. It deals with gay teen lust in a real way that isn’t overly dramatic or overly preachy. Those sneaky Brits always do it better. I remember buying the VHS online and watching it over and over again up in my room. Good new! You can also watch the entire movie now on Youtube. (You’ll have to ignore the Spanish subtitles) It’s a really sweet film. (I only got ride of the VHS tape when I moved to Texas.)
This came in a VERY close second place. This was one of the very first gay movies I ever saw. I loved everything about it. The amazing cast brings this fun and campy story to life. There are dream dance sequences and Patrick Stewart plays a man dating a dancer in Cats! Although the movie is 20 years old the underlying theme of dating amongst the fear of HIV is surprisingly still extremely relevant. Unfortunately this movie is a lot harder to find. Ask a gay film buff friend to see if he has a copy.
3. The Sum of Us
This is where I fell in love with Russell Crowe. (Still one of my number one movie star crushes) This wonderful movie is more about a father and son’s relationship than it is about Crowe being gay. Also this is one of the few times where an actor has played a butch gay guy convincingly.
Any gay man of a certain age knows the answer to the question “Have you ever had cum in your eye Gabriel?” It’s a fun movie about two guys trying to hook up in NYC. Tori Spelling is the best friends and you can’t miss the unforgettable scene with Coco Peru. This is the movie that made me fall in gay love with Coco Peru. “It BURNS!”
Other gay movies of my youth you should check out:
P.S. Fun fact, I made the the mistake, or shall I say my parents made the mistake of watching 6 Degrees of Separation with me in the room. It got uncomfortable at times. Also Broken Hearts Club is listed but I want to go on record saying that it is in fact a totally shitty movie. Dean Cane didn’t pull off the butch gay guy as well as Russell Crowe did.
I had an epiphany last week. For the past several months I’ve been part of a team working on a special project at work. As time has past I’ve become increasingly frustrated with some of my coworker’s lack of organization and time management skills. I was thinking about voicing my frustrations but was figuring out the most diplomatic way to do so. Last week was the final due date and we got feedback from the suits in charge. The whole project was a big success and we were praised for our hard work. Some of my frustrating coworkers were even singled out for doing such a good job. I quickly realized that the project’s success undercut ever possible complaint I was ready to give. If the project was a failure I could point to the lack of time management and organization as key factors. I lost all credibility if I were to voice my frustrations now. That’s when the epiphany occurred. I realized the only problem in the situation was my own. Just because I felt the work could’ve been done in a better way did change the end result. It’s very difficult to persuade people to do something better just for the sake of doing it better. My coworkers were happy with their work and so was my boss. My opinion didn’t change the end result. I even pictured them responding with “Why do you care?” if I had spoken up.
This idea caused me to take a closer look at the conflicts in my personal life too. How many of them were legitimate problems and how many of them were based in my own “I know better” attitude. I’m suspect I’m not alone here because there is a growing trend in our society where people feel they have not only the right but the obligation to call out all imperfect behavior. Whether it be bad grammar, bad fashion or a phobic remark, we are quick to point out the error to serve our own self-righteous need. I remember a friend telling a story about how a woman confronted him at a restaurant for being (what she thought was) too fat. She stated that she was simply doing it for his own good and that she cared about his well-being. He didn’t back down and informed her that in fact the only thing she cared about in this situation was her own self-righteous indignation. He was right. The only things she really care about was being able to go home feeling like she had done a good dead by telling a fat person to stop eating. While this is an extreme example it does illustrate the larger point. While there might be legitimate problems that should be addressed admit there are also times when the only problem is that we think we know better and feel we need to educate everyone about the error of their ways. This is a topic that is full of gray areas so take each situation case by case. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself some basic questions: Do their actions directly impact you in a negative way? Are their actions causing measurable or immediate harm themselves in any way? So before you call out your brother for posting too many selfies realize that just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Also acknowledge your motivation might have more to do with the ego boost you get because you feel that somehow you are above him because you don’t do such things. Self righteous indignation often masks itself as care and concern.
Now that Spring is here it’s time for a fresh start. With that in mind there are some habits and trends we need to officially call an end to and leave in 2014.
1. Leaving voice mails. I’m never going to listen to it.
2. The Lock Necklace. *Eye roll*
3. Being overly sensitive. In the words of Rupaul, “Grow a thicker skin.”
4. Justin Bieber. He should do Summer’s Eve commercials.
5. Saggy skinny jeans. Pick either saggy or tight. You can’t have both.
6. Apps trying to replace Facebook. To clarify, no Ello is not a little blue Disney character.
7. The phrase, “______ is everything.” ae I literally can’t.
8. While we’re at it let’s put a preemptive strike on the phrase, “On Fleek.” Not today Satan.
9. Zach Posen on Project Runway. Where have you gone Michael Kors? A nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you.
10. Planet of The Apes Movies. Enough! Aren’t there any other old school mediocre sci fi movies you can rip off?