14 Britney Reactions To Up Your Texting Game

Britney Spears has the perfect facial expression for every situation. She will single-handedly give life to your group texts. It’s Britney Bitch!

1. Really Bitch? 

2. I have to fart

3. Eek! Awkward…



5. WTF?!?

6. I’m soooo bored

7. Is she serious?

8. Umm… Whaaaat?

9. I’m sooo drunk

10. Good for you! Good for you!

11.Ugh! You’re so basic

12. You’re not serious are you?

13. I need cupcakes

14. Bitch BYE

You Won’t Read This

I use my own social media accounts to share things from my life much like I do here. Also much like my blog I tend to focus on content over follower count. By that I mean I choose to post things that I genuinely like without a goal of gaining more followers. While I appreciate new followers and readers I acknowledge that if I’m too focused on “ratings” content can start to suffer. Admittedly it’s tough to resist sometimes. For example, having done The Gay Gasp now for over 4 years I’m pretty aware of what will get a lot of hits and what won’t. While you might hope that we are a more sophisticated community, the articles with the most hits are always the ones with either a bear or sex reference in the title. It’s as simple as that. Oh and you like lists. People are much more prone to read anything if it’s in a list thanks to the Buzzfeedification of America. So while my articles about society and current events do get some love the articles about bear pool parties and masturbation get four times the viewers. It’s just a simple fact of doing business as a blogger. 
Apart from my full time job and writing this blog I am also a member of the charity group BearDance which aims to put on fun dance parties for bears that benefit local Dallas LGBT organizations. When I joined BearDance back in 2013 their only social media presence was on Facebook. Realizing the need, I quickly began running their social media accounts as a way of building the brand’s identity. A higher visibility equals more supporters and hopefully more donations and money for those that need it. I’m happy to say we now have an Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter account all to go along with our Facebook page. (@BDBearDance across all platforms)
When I started the accounts about a year ago I was still naive enough to hope that I could gain followers the old fashioned way through interesting and thoughtful content. I posted behind the scenes pictures of our meetings and fun photos of our events. While there was some minor success it was a slow growth. I realized that if I wanted to raise the profile of our charity I would need get more followers. With that in mind I started an active campaign last fall to get people involved. While BearDance is based in Dallas I wanted to promote that idea that the BearDance family is large and spreads all over the map. I gathered up and posted several pictures of bears from all over the country wearing BearDance shirts.  I even asked viewers to submit their own pictures so I could share them. I really thought this was a good idea. It was barely a blip on anyone’s radar and there was no visible increase in followers. I tried posting about the NFL play-offs and the Golden Globes thinking current event might get some notice. Again, no one cared. Then it all changes two weeks ago.

First I posted this picture on the Sunday that had the Golden Globes and the Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay in the NFL playoffs. It got 4 likes. 4. That’s pathetic.

A day later I posted this picture of fellow BearDance team members and my good friends Jared and Ami. It got 125 likes. If you’re a math geek you know that’s an increase of over 3000% from the previous picture. 

Knowing my job is to gain visibility and support for our non-profit I couldn’t argue with the numbers. While there could be several explanations for why the picture was so well received I suspected it all had to do with a hairy belly. It was clear I had hit on something and that something was skin. It’s a tale as old as time, a song as old as rime. I realized I had to give in and stop trying to swim up stream. Our supporters had made their choice clear and they wanted shirtless bears. 
With a focus on Tummy Tuesday, I’ve started to post more pictures of sexy shirtless bears and it’s worked better than I could have imagined. I started the BearDance Instagram account last year on New Years Ever and a year later on January 1, 2015 we had roughly 250 followers. After two weeks of sexiness our follow count has doubled to over 500 and is still growing. The easy shirtless way did in 2 weeks what it took me a year to do fully clothed. On one hand I’m excited that people are finally finding us and learning that we throw the biggest dance party for bears in the entire country. More recognition will bring more support and donations to help gay people in need which is the point of all of this. On the other hand I am disappointed. I absolutely hate that I had to give in to a culture that rewards people for how they look and not for the who they are as a person. Clearly I like bears and bellies as much as the next guy but I think we all tend to forget how meaningless it is in the grand scheme of things. Just because a guy is hot doesn’t have any effect on whether or not he’s a shitty person. Unfortunately it’s a battle that’s too big and one that’s not worth fighting. My personal views might not always be what’s best for BearDance so compromise is king. Instead I’ve chosen to affect change by working within the system instead of against it. So while I’ll continue to post pictures of hot men I’m going to try and include guys who you may not always see on generic bear accounts.  While the standard white stocky semi hairy bear is still very hot I’m going to try to broaden that concept to include guys of different ethnicities and body types. There isn’t one definition of attractive and I want to reflect that at BearDance. For example, I’ve meet a ton of guys who are strongly attracted to Latin and Mexican bears yet their visibility tends to be low.  It’s a small change but one that will still help. 
I realized it can sound like I’m inferring that all shirtless selfie bears are shitty people. Not the case. In a perfect world their beauty would be just one of the many things they are celebrated for. After taking time to get to know them you might learn that said bear is an accomplished painter or has a double masters degree. The truth is I’m simply growing tired of a looks obsessed trend which we are all guilty of. Our community is very complex with a variety of interests and the one universal thing that connects us all is sex and therefore sex is what bonds us.

If you want to follow me or BearDance on social media? Find us at:

Me                                                         BearDance
Instagram-  The_Gay_Gasp                  BDBearDance
Twitter-      TheGayGasp                       BDBearDance
Tumblr-      Cubtastic                             BDBearDance
Mobli-        TheGayGasp                       N/A

Sex By Numbers

Several years ago I created a list of everyone I’d ever had sex with and later detailed the process in a blog post. I wrote the article because I realized how funny and bizarre the whole list making process was. At the time I used an all-inclusive definition of sex which stated that “Anything your mom would consider sex is sex.” By using that definition I hoped to include anything and everything in question. Many people have disagreed with that idea because it includes too many fringe activities. Unfortunately it quickly becomes difficult when you try and move the line to another arbitrary point in the sand. We (gay men) live in a world that is vastly different than everyone around us and therefore a lot of gray areas develop. As an example, many of the activities that we would not consider as sex would end a straight person’s marriage. (Bill Clinton not included) I’m not saying we’re wrong or that we live incorrectly it just means our sexuality is much more complex. 
With that in mind I decided it was time to drill down a little deeper and take a closer look at the real information behind the numbers. Although I’ve kept the original list up to date it was made several years ago so for this post I’ll just focus on 2014. First let’s discuss some of those fringe activities that are on the edge of what is and isn’t sex. A common suggestion I get is to include anal and exclude oral as a way to narrow things down. As people usually put it “Sucking dick isn’t sex… It’s just messin’ around.” But by that assumption would you also have to conclude that anyone who doesn’t have anal is still a virgin. Although the separation sounds good in theory, we have to realize that a blow job is definitely sex. Personally I found the area that was the grayest for me involved parties. For example, it’s not uncommon for bathing suits to loosen or come off at an all gay pool party. Even more common is the possibility that someone you’re chatting with might give your hard dick a couple strokes. While the 10 second incident causes no orgasm or cum it could qualify as sex by the above definition. A roof top pool at Southern Decadence in New Orleans provided me a couple of these very situations. I added them into my 2014 total but even I’m on the fence about whether a couple of them qualify. This is an instance where most (gay) people would argue that in no way do these activities qualify. My rebuttal is that if the same activities occurred in a bed would you change your mind? Although admittedly some might even argue that a hand job is always disqualified even if there is a cum shot. But if penis touching doesn’t automatically equal sex, at what point does it cross over into sex territory?  

My 2014 total has followed an ongoing pattern of my numbers getting lower from year to year due in large part to my relationship status. New people aren’t needed because I already have a very hot man in bed waiting for me. Truth be told I almost never have a random hook up at home anymore. The bulk of my list comes from bear events and other travel. Did I mention how much I loved to travel? A close inspection of the list also proved what I already knew: In 2014 blow jobs out weighed fucking by a very large margin of 1 in 10. I wasn’t surprised because as I get older I rarely fuck with anyone other than my boyfriend. Swapping blow jobs is both extremely fun and much safer than anal and therefore is a better choice for me when it’s a one time thing. Although getting fucked is great it leaves you susceptible to a myriad of diseases and unfortunately dishonesty about HIV status is not uncommon. In addition and on a much more practical level it also takes a lot more planning and preparation. Spontaneous bottoming is a recipe for disaster. Unless I’m and porn star prepared I usually tend to tag out and avoid the shit storm. So do you consider blow jobs sex? What about hand jobs?
While it wasn’t part of the original version, as I compiled my 2014 list I took a closer look at where, when and how I got laid. For example, several years ago most of my hook ups came from apps like Growlr or, if we’re going father back, Manhunt. However more recently there has been a very noticeable shift. I rarely if ever meet anyone purely through Growlr and the like. I tend to be much more successful at winning people over in person. If Growlr is involved it’s usually when I have met someone in person already and I use it simply as a message service. This is especially true at bear events. This was a big realization for me and helped me break the habit of wasting so much time on such apps. In fact I ended up deleting a couple of the less popular ones from my phone as a result. I highly recommend going through this exercise and making your 2014 sex list. Not only to see if the total number is what you expected but also to take a closer look at where and how you are most successful. I know several people who are constantly being hit-on on apps and therefore I assume they would say apps are very successful for them. If you’re like me and people rarely show interest online then you’d probably get more bang for your buck by focusing your effort to social events and bear runs. Either way don’t work hard, work smart.

Other highly debatable activities that do or don’t count as sex:

-You jerk off and cum on his chest with no other touching involved. 

-Oral under 30 seconds without cumming (Giving or receiving)

Movie Review: Gone Girl and The Imitation Game

Gone Girl
I really didn’t have a strong interest in seeing Gone Girl but a boring Sunday got the better of me. Also I should mention that I knew the general story line and surprise’ twistWith all that said I liked the movie but I didn’t love the movie. The movie stars Ben Affleck as a husband whose wife suddenly goes missing and he is instantly looked at as a suspect for her possible murder. As events unfold you realize it is not as simple as it seems. The concept of the movie was very interesting however didn’t really feel invested in any of the characters and therefore really didn’t care what happened to them. A friend of mine described it best as two horrible people who are stuck together forever. (Spoiler alert) Even after finding out the twist that Amy Dunne is alive I still didn’t care if her husband went to jail or not. Gone Girl is entertaining but does not deserve any awards this season. On a side note: It is also another movie that is close to 3 hours long. They could’ve done some serious editing (especially in the second half) and gotten this movie under the 2 hour mark. If a movie is 3 hours my expectations are start out incredibly high. 
The Imitation Game
The previews for The Imitation Game made it look stoic and boring but good reviews persuaded me to give it a chance.  (It was also the movie my friends picked to watched)  The film tells the story of Alan Turing and Joan Clarke played by Benedict Cumberbatch and Keira Knightley. While Turing’s name was familiar to me I didn’t know anything else about him. The movie takes place during World War 2 when he was hired by a secret British government agency as a code breaker. He later recruited Joan Clarke to help in the efforts. Going into the movie I had low expectations so I couldn’t have been more surprised at how much I liked it. Turing played an extremely important role in cracking the communication codes used by the Nazis. Historians estimate that without his work the war could have gone on for another 2 years. He is also credited as one of the fathers of computer science because his code breaking machine was an early model for the modern computer. Sadly due to his homosexuality he was arrested and put on sterilization meds which caused him to later committed suicide. The film mainly focuses on his efforts during the war however it does touch on his personal struggles. This is an important story that many of us probably didn’t know about. In fact the British government didn’t unsealed and declassified this story until 2013. Definitely check out The Imitation Game. It’s one of the best movies I’ve seen in a while. Extra credit to the film makers who got it all done in under 2 hours!

Movie Review: Boyhood

The movie Boyhood follows a fictional young boy named Mason through 12 years of his life beginning at age 5. Overall I liked the movie and it’s a very realistic and accurate portrayal of growing up in the US. I especially appreciated that he was growing up in Texas as opposed to New York or California. To clarify, that has nothing to do with my own Texas pride but rather a yearning to see a different perspective portrayed on film. I also particularly enjoyed the use of pop culture references, like Lady Gaga’s Telephone video, to mark the passage of time. In addition Ethan Hawk and Patricia Arquette’s portrayal of Mason’s divorced parents felt very honest and true to life. The movie was so honest and true to life that it became one of the things I almost didn’t like about it. Other than Boyhood’s meandering look at the life of a young boy, the movie doesn’t actually have a plot. The lack of any tangible story arc is what makes it both unique and frustrating. While I applaud the director’s decision to stray from the standard narrative I was also left wanting a little more action. For example, (spoiler alert) at one point Arquette’s character marries a man who becomes abusive. When the abuse is revealed I actually said out loud, “Here we go… Finally some action.” That would be a major storyline for other films but in this case it’s a one-time only situation and she leaves him almost immediately.  Again I’m torn.  On one hand it’s nice to see a woman who doesn’t become a victim and shows strength by getting out of an abusive situation early. On the other hand avoiding the abuse eliminates most of the interesting parts of the story. It’s kind of like if reality crews followed a nice down to earth stable family. While that’s nice to see stability on screen it doesn’t make for very exciting entertainment.
While Boyhood is a decently good movie most of the attention surrounding it is for how it was filmed. Mason is played by actor Ellar Coltrane throughout the entire film and to accomplish this the movie itself was shot over a 12 year period. No Hollywood makeup was needed to hide or increase the ages of any of the actors because they naturally aged during the filming process. I can’t imagine the amount patience it must’ve taken to pull this movie off. I applaud the use of unique film making but apart from that I’m not sure how much I liked the movie on its own. It reminds me of the movie The Artist which won an Oscar in 2012 for Best Picture as a silent movie. I often wondered how much of the film’s success was due to it’s true value as a film and how much of it was due to the gimmick of it being a silent movie. Boyhood is in the same situation. While I genuinely liked it, the 12 year film processes is what gives it 4 stars instead of 3.
P.S. It should also be noted that the movie is almost 3 hours long which felt very unnecessary.

Movie Review: Wild

Wild tells the story of Cheryl Strayed (Reese Witherspoon) who hikes the Pacific Crest Trail as a way of working through her personal demons and trauma of the past. The trail, which stretches from the California-Mexico border up to Canada, is the main back drop of the movie as flashbacks provide insight into Cheryl’s life. The film is being promoted touting Witherspoon’s award worthy performance and I was therefore prepared for dramatic monologues and the big breakdown scene that you’d expect from this type of film. Unfortunately those big emotional moments never really come or they’re not near big enough. Instead there are quiet moments and long introspective looks over the horizon. She meets the friendly stranger who helps her out, the creepy backwoods guy who might want to rape her, and myriad of other fellow hikers. Reese is well cast and did great in the role but the whole thing ended up just feeling slow and boring. The flashbacks provided some of the more interesting moments but overall Wild was still a bit forgettable. This is a good rental or watch for free on HBO.

Movie Score: C+

Save the World Suck A Dick

There is a well known diet book called Eat This Not That. The idea of the book is to give you the top three healthiest and unhealthiest items on the menu’s of many national chain restaurants. I’ve always liked the book because it acknowledges the fact that eating right is difficult and you’re not always going to have the will power to get a garden salad with dressing on the side. So many health and diet guides take an all or nothing approach that makes you feel like a failure anytime you’re not eating $100 bunches organic kale from Whole Foods. ETNT provides you with a real world guide to food that’s better not necessarily the best. For example if you go to Subway stay away from the tuna because it’s one of the unhealthiest things on their menu. They recommend chicken or turkey instead. It’s all about balance.

I wanted to take that same philosophy and apply it toward sex. As gay men, safe sex is preached to us by every health professional we ever see. Most of the time their recommendation centers around condom sex with your monogamous life partner. Like eating healthy, 100% absolute safe sex is hard to maintain 100% of the time. On top of that we live in a world where monogamy is less and less common and multiple partners is almost expected. So how do you stay safe while navigating the gray slutty waters of 2015? I’ll save the ‘use a condom for anal’ speech because you’ve already heard it. No one reading this is going to be like “Wow I didn’t know that getting bred by 7 guys in a row was unsafe!?” But don’t be discouraged because I’m here to give you some real world advice on how to have very hot nasty sex that still plays it safe.
1. Suck Dick. Sucking cock is absolutely wonderful. Probably the best thing on earth. It’s also surprisingly safe under normal circumstances. Avoid rigorous flossing and brushing right after as an extra safety measure and you’ll be the most popular guy on the block. Suck hard and suck often. Side note: Doctors always talk about avoiding oral when you have mouth soars or open wounds. Personally I think if you have an open wound or soar you should probably be avoiding sex all together regardless of the health risk.

2. Face Fuck Him. Alright I know this is still technically sucking dick but I felt it deserved it’s own shout out. Like Cyndi Lauper, face fucking is highly underrated. If I have a mouth full of penis I enjoy nothing more that a firm hand on the back of my head. Depending on everyone’s comfort level the tempo can be slow and easy or hard and demanding. For the more experienced and adventurous I highly recommend you try a good session of forceful heavy gag inducing action. Hold his head as you force your meat balls deep down his throat. He’ll gag repeatedly, his eyes will water and he’ll even spit up some major slobber. It’s totally worth it.

3. Cum Facials. Are you a cum whore with a conscious? After you’ve spent some quality time sucking on his stick can get all the hot perverted spunk you want shot all over your face. Get painted like a frat guy at a silly string party. Remember to avoid your eyes and mouth for maximum safety. (“Have you ever had cum in your eye Gabriel?”)
4. Watersports. This might only be for the piggiest of pigs but I wanted to include it because it’s also surprisingly safe. If you’re hanky is yellow you can piss all over each other all night long. Like oral sex there is a very low HIV transmission rate in urine.

5. Rimming. Once you’ve given the penis plenty of attention it’s time to worship the booty. Dive in and bury your face deep between his beefy butt cheeks. You’ll have him moaning without the exchange of any bodily fluids. If you’re worried about cleanliness I suggest eating his ass fresh out of the pool. Hell bend him over the edge and lick his hole while you’re still in the water. If a pool party isn’t practical, rimming as a part of shower sex is always fun.

6. Dildos. If you simply can’t cum without ass action, a thick dildo is the perfect way to get your ass fucked without any risk of breaking condoms or the tops who forget to pull out. Dildo tip: get one a little thicker than the average dick size you enjoy. You’ll need the extra inches to make up for the lost magic of the real thing. I also recommend a long double headed dildo to solve the VERY common problem of too many bottoms and not enough tops. You and your best bottom bud can rock out together with one long big boy toy.

7. Leather and S&M. I’m not into the leather and S&M scene however much of it is super safe. Because the focus is more about the control, cum becomes less important. Heavy nipple action, ball tugging, flogging, and being tied up are all some of the safest and kinkiest activities you can find. Chastity devices that actually prevent cumming are also a growing trend from what I hear. Again I’m not a good spokes person for this stuff so find your nearest leather pup and I bet he can give you much more information.

8. Take A Picture. Spice up even the most mundane sex just by reaching for the camera. You’ll be surprised at how some people come out of their shell once they know they’re being recorded. It also works as good porn later on.

It goes without saying that no sex act is 100% safe and while this post is meant to avoid HIV and AIDS there are also many other STIs that can be passed along many different ways. My point however is that being slutty and being safe and responsible are not mutually exclusive. Having a high sex drive is not a curse but rather a gift that keeps on giving.

Buy Eat This Not That here