MacBook: A Long Distance Love Affair

This post started with the idea of mentioning some of the things on my bucket list. The first thing that came to mind was owning an Apple laptop. It’s one of those things I’ve always wanted but will probably never buy myself. Although they are very common amongst the gays I simply can’t afford the 4 figure price tag. Then all at once I realized as I was typing that I could afford it I just didn’t want to. Let me explain.

I’ve always thought of a MacBook as being out of my price range and the hard truth is that’s very true. Even though $1000 is expensive, I’ve spent that much and more over the years on traveling. Basically what I’m saying is that if I HAD to come up with the money I could. Because I have a very tight budget it means I have to prioritize my spending and a trip will always get first dibs. For example is you offered me an all expenses paid gay Mediterranean cruise for $1000 I would say yes without a second thought. (that’s also a bucket list item) Although I recognize the value of a MacBook I find it hard to justify spending so much money when I can get a Toshiba laptop for only $300. I can already hear all the tech people starting to battle over why one is better than the other. What you should realize is that I only need a computer for the internet. I never play games and rarely watch streaming movies so the very basic of the basic is perfectly good for me. It’s the way most bears feel about expensive clothes. They may respect the craftsmanship of a $500 shirt but most are just as happy with a $10 Old Navy tee. So for me to ever buy a MacBook it would mean my income would have to increase to a level where I’d have an extra thousand dollars at my disposal. Maybe it’ll be a good 40th birthday present to myself in 2021.

This whole thought process got me thinking about what we really mean when we say “I can’t afford it” or “It’s too expensive.” Usually what we’re really saying is “I don’t like it enough to pay that much money.” I remember talking to a friend about vacation plans he was canceling due to low cash flow. Shortly after I found out he was driving a brand new Audi. I was bewildered as to why he would chose a car over a trip. I had to remind myself that some people have different priorities when it comes to spending. For me a car is just a basic mode of transportation and I give it little thought or importance however for a lot of people their ride is an important extension of their identity. We all spend the money it just depends what we spend it on. 

What will you pay more for?



Old Navy $10
Givenchy (at Mr. Porter) $550

Pei Wei
Five Sixty by Wolfgang Puck

Toshiba $300
MacBook Pro starting at $1999

Seaworld San Antonio $55 a day

Atlantis Mediterranean Cruise $2449 per person



The Ultimate 90s Playlist

64 Songs that will bring you back to 90’s

1. En Vouge – You’re Never Gonna Get It
2. Salt N Pepa – Shoop
3. Brandy & Monica – The Boy Is Mine
4. Boyz II Men – Motown Philly
5. Blackstreet – No Diggity
6. Next – Too Close
7. Jade – Don’t Walk Away
8. Montell Jordan – This Is How We Do It
9. Bell Biv Devoe – Poison
10. Silk – Freak Me
11. Marky Mark and the Funk Bunch – Good Vibrations
12. Destiney’s Child – Say My Name
13. 702 – Where My Girls At
14. Aaliyah – Are You That Somebody
15. Tony Toni Tone – Feels Good
16. Arrested Development – Tennessee
17. PM Dawn – Set A Drift On Memory Bliss
18. Corona – Rhythm of the Night
19. Snap – Rhythm Is A Dancer
20. La Bouche – Be My Lover
21. Xscape – Understanding
22. SWV – Weak
23. Crystal Waters – 100% Pure Love
24. Shai – If I Ever Fall In Love
25. The Fugees – Killing Me Softly
26. Real Love – Mary J Blige
27. Alanis Morissette – You Outta Know
28. Sinead O Connor – Nothing Compares To You
29. Smashing Pumpkins – 1979
30. Smashing Pumpkins – Disarm
31. Weezer – The Sweater Song
32. Beastie Boys – Sabatoge
33. Blink 182 – What’s My Age Again
34. Blur – Song 2
35. Stone Temple Pilots – Interstate Love Song
36. REM – Losing My Religion
37. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Under The Bridge
38. Garbage – Stupid Girl
39. Blind Melon – No Rain
40. Soundgarden – Black Hole Sun
41. Nirvana – In Bloom
42. Nirvana – Where Did You Did You Sleep Last Night
43. Pearl Jam – Daughter
44. Pearl Jam – Jeremy
45. Filter – Hey Man Nice Shot
46. Ace of Base – All That She Wants
47. Seven Mary Three – Cumbersome
48. Lisa Loeb – Stay
49. U2 – All I Want Is You
50. Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You
51. Whitney Houston – It’s Not Right But It’s Ok (Thunderpuss Mix)
52. Mariah Carey – All I Want For Christmas Is You
53. Mariah Carey – Fantasy
54. Lady of Rage – Afro Puffs
55. Janet Jackson – That’s The Way Love Goes
56. Madonna – Vogue
57. Madonna – Take A Bow
58. Madonna – I’ll Remember
59. KLF & Tammy Wynette – Justified & Ancient 
60. Ben Folds Five – Brick
61. Green Day – Basket Case
62. Tori Amos – Cornflake Girl
63. Tori Amos – Silent All These Years
64. George Michael – Freedom 90

Stocking Stuffer Ideas

Some helpful ideas to help you stuff those stockings

1. Macaroon Earbud Holder at the Container Store $3.99

2. 6 foot iPhone Charger $1.89

3. Fort Troff Butt Plug $9.90

4. Fort Troff Douche cleaner $25.90

5. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Soap $7.50

6. L’Occitane 1oz Hand Cream $12.00

7. Styptic Pencil $1.99

8. Swiss Navy Lube (4 oz) $14.99

9. Toe Nail Clippers $3.49

10. Library Card Sock @ Uncommom Goods $12.00

11. Coal Gum $5.00

12. Jelly Bean Cock Ring $8.50

Tips To Get You Through Christmas With Your Family

1. Without fail someone will comment on your weight. It’s pointless to make a violent angry scene because they’re your family and they’re not going to change. Instead have a sassy comeback ready:
Comment: “Have you lost weight? You look too thin.” 
Comeback: You’re right. How do you keep your weight up so well?

Comment: “You look like you’ve gained weight.”
Comeback: “Yeah you too.”

2. Whether you’re staying with family or they are staying with you, privacy goes out the window in a crowded house. The shower will be one of your only safe havens for much needed fapping.  (Remember shampoo does not make good lube)

3. If you’re going to be a house guest keep in mind the home owners might keep their home at a different temperature than you are accustomed to. This is especially true if you’re staying with older parents. You’ll be sweating and they’ll have sweatshirts on so pack warm weather clothes for around the house.

4. As the homeowner who is hosting guests you need to prepare yourself. Assume all house guests are going to open every drawer and cabinet they have access to. HIDE YOUR SHIT. While stolen valuables are probably not a concern drugs, prescription meds, and butt plugs might be. Either that or you can explain to your niece that a sling and a swing are very different.

5. If you’re spending the holidays with older loved ones be prepared to be given all the odd jobs around the house that they can’t get to. It could be anything from bringing extra fire wood in from the garage to a tutorial about setting up email on their new iPhone.

6. With younger kids running around always keep your phone in eye sight and heavily locked. They’re like little technology MacGyvers and they don’t need to see the 3some video you took last weekend. “Why does Uncle Matt have a dog collar on?”

7. If you’re going to want to get out of the house a lot remember to bring the phone charger for the car. Essential for on the go Growlring. 

8. If you find yourself with a friend or boyfriend’s family, topics of conversation to avoid: Ferguson, Eric Gardner, and the big Republican election win. Topics safe for discussion: Taylor Swift, funny animal Youtube videos, and your mutual hate of Kim K. 

9. Regardless of what you think you are not easy to buy for. So no matter what you unwrap on Christmas morning put on your best fake smile and be thankful.

10. Alcohol can relieve stress. Carry around a secret flask to maintain that jolly attitude all day. Water and vodka look very similar. Baileys perks up an morning coffee cup.

11. TBS runs an all day marathon of A Christmas Story. It can be your mental escape from everyone around you. If you’re like me and you actually hate A Christmas Story, find out what channel TBS is and avoid it at all costs. Once someone sees the leg lamp they’ll insist you keep it officially ruining your day.

12. If you can’t escape through television, porn is a wonderful backup. Someone might notice you scrolling through the constant cockfest of Tumblr at the dinner table so pictures and video should be avoided. Celebrate throwback Thursday and pull up some old school written erotica. Your mom will think you’re deep in Anna Karenina when in fact you’re deep in policeman fantasy ass play. Might I suggest this blog to start you off.

13. Finally, with all your loved ones together make it a point to take a group photo. It’s frustrating and annoying but years from now you’ll be happy you have the picture and the memory of the most important people in your life.