Like many others my high school was full of cliques. There were the cheerleaders and the jocks who were the stereotypical popular crowd. Popular mostly because they fit the textbook mold and less because they were well liked or adored. Then there was the stereotypical nerds and losers. The interesting thing was that the nerds chose that label themselves as a sort of badge of honor. Much like Janis and Damian they were proud not to be a part of the plastics. I was sort of a floater around school and didn’t really identify with one main crowd but I did know people at both ends of the spectrum. I would sit in English class and hear all the goings on amongst the nerds. Then off to History where I’d get filled in with all the popular crowd drama. Without fail the popular kid stories were always phenomenally boring. Basically every weekend they would go hang out in the parking lot of McDonalds (or Friendly’s) and get drunk. The only interesting bits were when one of the cheerleaders would get arrested for shoplifting at the mall. On the flip side, the nerds had more stories than Hemingway. One of my favorite stories was how one of the more ‘uniquely pretty’ girls was dating her boss as work. Not only was her boss married but his wife was currently dying of cancer. I would listen to all their escapades with bewildered amusement. As for the popular crowd, I would often have to fake interest in their mundane lives.
As I’ve grown up the cliques of high school have never gone away. Not because life is like high school but because high school is like life. Much the same way the notion of a bear A-list is always whispered and gossiped about as being atop the exclusive gay hierarchy. As in high school I have the benefit of floating amongst many different types of bears, some of who would even be pointed at as A-listers. Trust me when I tell you the honest truth that there is no such thing as an A-list bear. Instead I’ve come to realize there are some social realities at play which often get confused with an A-list.
The A-listed is often labeled such by people who feel they are not apart of it. The next time you see a bear and think he’s not talking to you because he’s too A-list remember a very important detail: He might just be shallow and boring. If you did start up a conversation with that “A-list” bear I bet you’d discover that no only did you have absolutely nothing in common but that he’s actually incredibly dull. Unfortunately guys who won the gene pool lottery usually are never forced to develop any sort of personality. Their looks get them anywhere they need to go. The rest of us have had to develop wit, kindness, humor, and every other social skill in order to survive. So while it’s true that some pretty people only hang out with other pretty people it’s because their friendship is bonded by those shallow boring personalities. If you doubt anything I’m saying I want to picture in your mind the hottest most A-list bear you can think of. Let me guess, the bear you’re thinking of tends to be very quiet and shy in person and if he comes out of his shell it’s only online. Guess what it’s not that he’s too shy it’s that he’s so beige that he literally has nothing to say. He only knows how to communicate by being cute or wearing tight shirts. While those bears are a home run at a bar, they’re a little awkward and pathetic at brunch then next morning when you actually try and hold a conversation with them. Much like the popular kids in my high school, the supposed A-list is often drab and unexciting in reality. It’s a phenomena that is true the world over and not exclusive to bears. In college I remember going to a party with the extremely rich and privileged gays of Amherst college. While their dorms were nicer than my parents house, the actual party was incredibly boring. Everyone was just posing and cared more about how they looked than genuine conversation. Trust me and choose the D list party with bears who don’t give shit because I guarantee it’s going to be much more fun.
Remember, the next time you think a guy isn’t talking to you because he’s an A-list snob take a moment and feel bad for him because he’s probably just a boring bear blessed with a pretty face.
P.S. The beauty of this post is that no one can claim to be offended because that would imply they thought of themselves as A-list and that’s embarrassing enough.