16 Pugs Just Doing the Best They Can

The struggle is real.

1. “Do I really have to get up and go to work?”

2. “When I get out of the shower I must resist the urge to get back into bed.”

3. “Of course I wasn’t looking at Tumlr at work…”

4. “Finally, number 30 will work as a profile picture.”

5. “A sunny day on the boat means I can fart as much as I want.”

6. “I’ve never eaten so much at once… Hey is that pumpkin pie?”

7. “Next year we are definitely getting a fake tree.”

8. “I just bought a 70 inch television for $100 and I only had to stab 4 people to get it.”

 9. “Sunday Funday!”

10. “I have to work tomorrow… Ok I’ll just have one drink.”

11. “I can’t drink 12 beers like I used to.”

12. “You mean I just packed all this up and now I have to unpack in all tomorrow across town?!”

13. “One day I hope I can afford furniture that I don’t have to put together.”

14. “A good walk an a sunny fall day.”

15. “I want to kill who ever invented walking. Seriously, can we call a cab home.”

16. “I don’t need a sleeping pill, just put on ESPN.”

All photos courtesy of @PugsofInstagram on Instagram

What Type of Bear Are You?

Are you a bear? Why do you consider yourself a bear? What does being a bear mean? There are many different answers to all of these questions. To help you formulate your answer I’ve decided to include and introductory guide to the most common species of bears out in the world. This will also help any of my non bear readers understand our culture a little better. While this list is just includes the most common of common there are many other kinds out there.

1. Wellington Bears– Wellington refers to Beef Wellington a dish of meat wrapped in dough. They are obsessed with the gym, protein shakes, and testosterone. To reward themselves after a rigorous gym routine they stop at Chipotle for an extra-large dinner and maybe an large Frosty for dessert at Wendys. They have the work out routine of a pro athlete and the eating habits of a dieter on cheat day. These beefy bears can easily be spotted on Growlr because their private pics are sure to include several locker room selfies.
Hashtag: BeastMode.

2. OOTW Bears– Probably the most common bear that everyone knows. OOTW obviously refers to 1987 sitcom Out Of This World. These bears run around pretending to stop and start time with their hands all the while wishing their dad would talk to them from a crystal block. The OOTW A-List is for bears whose father is actually named Troy.
Hastag: SwingingOnAStar

3. Buddha Bears– These are the guys who are in the middle of the Bear Chub venn diagram. You’ll also find them at Chipotle but their gym membership expired a long time ago. Look for shirtless pics on Tuesday and love songs about the McRib. In this world a skinny bitch is anyone who weighs under 280lbs.
Hastage: NomNomNom

4. Orange Is The New Bears- Some guys do not discover their true bear identity until they’re locked up behind bars. Months without a women and non stop weight lifting eventually penetrates even the tightest of closets. They prefer sex in the shower and use Ivory soap as lube. Christopher Melony is their beloved icon.
Hashtag: MakeMeYourBeecher

5. Chaser Me Bears– Not every bear likes other bears. These bears chase the chasers. They may like the attention they get from other bears but it’s the smooth and skinny chasers that start their engines. They use Growlr out of necessity but Grindr is their first love. Asian or Latino chasers to the front of the line.
Hashtag: RiceQueen

Daddy Bears– People outside the bear community might not believe how popular Daddies are in our world. But as we all know there are so many young guys into the baby diaper fetish and they’re are in desperate need of daddy to come and burp them. Trade in your lube and condoms for powder and baby wipes.
Hashtag: GoogooGaga

Lilith Bears– The tradition of the singer songwriter is alive and well with these husky homos. Some have even been known to pass for butch lesbian bikers at Lilith fair. Although they sing and play the acoustic guitar don’t get too excited because they won’t serenade you in your living room like you want them to.  Also there’s a large overlap with the Flinstoner Bears. 
Hashtag: ArmsOfAnAngel




BASIC Bears– BASIC: Bears Against Sia’s Irritating Chandelier. They really hate the Sia song Chandelier. Not to be confused with BASIK Bears who are Bears Against Sia in Karaoke. BASIK Bears like Chandelier but believe is should never be sung at karaoke. 
Hashtag: BASICBITCH

Flintstoner Bears– They are bears of all ages who all smoke A LOT of weed. Other favorite activities include drinking beer, naked swimming, and anything they can do while being completely high as a kite. Listen for intense conversations about moving to Colorado and California’s vapor weed industry.
Hashtag: PeaceRally


Kodak Bears- If you haven’t noticed photography has overtaken DJing as the number one bear hobby. Finding a bear photographer is as easy as finding a bear offering massages on Growlr. With the legalization of gay marriage growing, bear couples never need to hire a photographer for their wedding because they always have a “friend who is a photographer.” Listen for intense debates about how Instagram is ruining photography. 
Hashtag: PicsbyBears


Oscar Bears– In the tradition of Oscar the Grouch these bears hate everything. Literally everything. If and when the world ends, look for Facebook posts such as “Great now my newsfeed is going to be full of all this end of world nonsense.”
Hashtag: StupidPeopleHaveFeelings

Nazi Bears– These men believe that grammar should be absolutely perfect all the time and anyone who doesn’t comply should be eradicated. Their dream world is one where all dyslexics are quarantined along with anyone who miss uses Who and Whom. No need to search for these nazis because they will be the first to make themselves known after any spelling mistake.
Hashtag: ThereTheirThey’re

Bare Back Bears– This brotherhood believes that all men should be free to bare their back hair without shame at the beach. They want men to be able to play without the restrictions like rubber wet suites. Back Hair is beautiful. Their slogan is “Real men: Hairy and Raw”
Hashtag: BBBH

Santa Bears– Like so many others, these bears fantasize about having sex with Santa. The bushy white beard, black books, and bouncing belly is their ultimate fap fantasy. They can often be found childless standing in line at the mall waiting to get their picture taken. 
Hashtag: TheRealMrsClause

Crazy Good

Crazy In Love was Beyonce’s first single as a solo artist after leaving Destiny’s Child. It’s one of those songs that is impossible not to shake your booty to. You’ll find even the most stoic conservative bouncing his head when it comes on. It instantly puts you in a better mood. Guess what, if you’re drunk at a bar and Crazy In Love comes on you are getting your sloppy ass to the dance floor no matter what. While I’m not a diehard Bee Hive member I’ve got to give the Queen B credit for a job well done. This song is still as good as it was back in 2003. Keep an eye out for a Crazy In Love remake for the new 50 Shades of Grey movie. The redo is still Beyonce but done in a haunting Lana Del Rey style.

Why Do You Care What I Think?

I’m fantastic. I’m a perfect person and generally right about everything. Style, sass, and big  balls have made the envy of everyone who knows me. Because I’m so wonderful I can sometimes judge people too quickly. It’s like an instinctual reflex that’s ingrained in my DNA. I can’t help it. What are us perfect people to do?! People often get defensive and want to know what gives me the right to judge anyone. Instead of giving them references to prove my perfection, I simply ask “Why do you care what I think of you?”
If you haven’t realized yet that my claims of perfection are a joke then guess what… I’m judging you. In all seriousness though, why do you care what I think? Does my judgment have any affect on your daily life?  No. I’m the textbook definition of a nobody. Granted I truly think I’m fantastic but I’m an otherwise boringly average husky homo with a flair for dramatic opinions. What I rant and rave about is usually meaningless in the big picture. The only opinion’s that should matter are from your close friends/loved ones and the people who have control over your job. So unless they’re fucking you or firing you, you shouldn’t lose sleep over their opinions. I always stand behind my opinions but the only thing they should give you is some mild entertainment while you’re on the toilet.
Although I’m a nobody I subscribe to the idea that if I’m going to say it, I’m at least going to say it like I mean it. Conviction is the very important when giving an opinion. However just because I say something with conviction doesn’t mean I’m not talking out of my ass. I write this blog for entertainment and in no way should you ever take anything I say too seriously. I’ve also learned over the years that typing something on a website adds a lot of false weight to it. Because it’s in print there tends to be a false assumption of truth and importance. For example it always makes me laugh when celebrities get upset over what internet trolls say about them. Take Mariah Carey, she’s gotten to the very top of her field with decades of proven success. She’s ridiculously wealthy and never needs to work another day in her life. Yet she still cares about what the nameless faceless Twitter accounts say about her. Why the hell does she care? Shake it off Mariah.
As I said above, the opinions of your close friends should matter. Just because someone is a Facebook friend doesn’t make them a close friends. A good way to tell the difference is how much you communicate with that person outside of social media. Of my many friends I only a handful of close friends and only one best friend. That handful are the people and opinions I care about because they care about me. You should feel the same way. Focus on the people who actually matter in your life and everyone else is simple amusement. I wish I could give people the gift of confidence so they would trust their instincts and choices. Always put other people’s opinions into perspective. I mean seriously, do you want to become Mariah Carey?
In conclusion, I will continue to judge and openly and honestly. If that offends you I ask you to stop and ask yourself that ever important question “Why do I care what he thinks?”