Month August 2014

Fall Focus: Blue and Yellow

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My current color combo crush is blue and yellow. Here are the best ways to rock this trend for fall:

1. Custom New Balance

Starting at $159.99 at www.newbalance.com

 
2. Monogrammed Goyard Duffel Bag

Only sold in select stores. Not available online

3. Loafers for Work

$104.99 at www.6pm.com
4. The Type Tees iPhone App

Download the app free. Custom tee-shirts starting at $20
5. Colorful Socks

6. Mini Countryman
$39,419 as shown www.miniusa.com

Throwback Sunday at the VMAs

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This year the MTV Video Music Awards had a couple Throwback Thursday moments despite it being Sunday:
 Katy Perry vs Britney and Justin
 
 Amber Rose vs Rose McGowen
In both cases I think the ones who did it first did it best. It should be noted that Britney did it first and better than Katy, but the all denim gown is still country vomit in both cases.

13 Signs You’re Part of the Privileged Poor

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I define the Privileged Poor as someone at the bottom of their socioeconomic class. (Usually the middle class) You made the cut and avoided poverty… but just barely. On one hand you really shouldn’t complain because a lot of people have it worse but on the other hand you’re legit broke. You’re Cinderella, the pretty maid trying to act like a princess. 

1. Your bank account is in single digits the day before pay day.

2. At least once a month you rummage through your closet looking for things to sell of Ebay. I wonder what a used iPhone 3 goes for?

3. You work in a call center. Enough said.

4. Game of Thrones? Yes. True Blood? Yes. HBO Go borrowed password? Of course.

5. The lotto: Aka your retirement plan.

6. You’re driving a dented car because your $500 deductible just isn’t worth it.

7. Even an awful date is still a free dinner…

8. You justify buying a $1300 MacBook Pro because “It’s an investment” and “You deserve it.”

9. When out at dinner you’re always the “I’ll just put it on my credit card and everyone can give me the cash” guy.

10. On the plus side you have your own office at work. On the negative side it’s a contract job so you don’t have health insurance.

11. Mother Teresa got more action than your bank account

12. You’re in grad school without any idea of what actual job you want

13. Home ownership is definitely in your future. I mean your parents have to die at some point right?

11 Life Hacks You Need Now!

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1. Work Hard. Great jobs and careers don’t come quick or easy. Your boss will appreciate hard work a lot more than an expensive wardrobe. Also if you’re laid off deep into your career don’t be too proud to get your hands dirty.

2. Set Up a 401K– If you’re like me and retirement is decades away, saving for old age is imperative. Social Security will be long gone by then and we’ll have to look out for ourselves.

3. Get an education. Education doesn’t have to always come from a 4 year institution. A diploma definitely helps but it’s by far not the only way to learn. Reading books, learning new skills, and generally broadening your horizons will help you at any age. Remember what Will Hunting (Matt Damon) says, “You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a fuckin education you coulda got for a $1.50 in late charges at the public library.”

4. Eat a vegetable with every meal. There’s no way around it. Veggies are the healthiest form of food. If it helps, the US government now considers the tomato sauce on pizza a vegetable.

5. Learn to sew– It seems like sewing skills are becoming rarer and rarer. Unless you move to the jungle and become a nudist a quality cross stitch will do wonders. Plus if you’re ever on Project Runway fast sewing skill are key to crushing your competition. Nina hates a messy hemline.

6. Travel– Whether and hour away or a continent away, make sure to take time out to travel and explore areas other than your own.

7. Get the insurance plan for your cell phone. You’ll laugh it off at the register of AT&T as a waste of money until the faithful day when your phone is stolen after giving a quality blow job. (Not that I know from experience…)

8. Know how to change a tire. Everyone gets a flat tire at least once in their life and knowing what to do is empowering. It’s surprisingly simple and AAA isn’t always available.

9. Consider Therapy. I’ve always believed that everyone has enough problems to fill up at least one hour long session. An impartial third party can really be a blessing when working through complex issues.

 
10. Take responsibility. Learning how to take responsibility is part of becoming a mature adult. You must learn to take responsibility for your actions and your life as a whole. Sometimes that requires a hard look in the mirror as you own up to some of your daily problems.

11. Exercise– Run, play, jump, stretch, lift, swim, jog, dance, walk, cycle, move. Get off the couch every once and a while and move around. Turn on beast mode and work up a sweat. For extra gym motivation remember there’s always the possibility of locker room eye candy or a shower stall hook up.

Are You Paying Attention?

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Have you ever had a child try and lie to you? They think they are doing it so well even though the truth is so obviously clear. You can’t even be mad because all you can do is see the total humor in it. We were no better at their age though. I often laugh when I remember trying to fool my parents as a kid. I thought I was so sneaky. However when I look back I think how ridiculous I must have looked. Like every kid, my first attempts at lying were probably just as painfully obvious to my parents. Now that I’m grown, I’ve started to realize that as adult our skill of deception aren’t much better. We are all walking around thinking we are the masters of disguise hiding our inner secrets and feelings when the reality is that anyone who is perceptive can usually see through our feeble smoke screens. There are very few people who are good liars. For example, a friend confides in you that he has a crush on Tom. He even prefaces the conversation with “You’d never be able to guess… but I’m in love with Tom.” As a good friend you acts supportive but in your head you’re thinking “No shit. Everyone knows you love Tom. It’s all we talk about when you leave the room.” But of course you can’t say that. Instead you might acknowledge that you had a tiny suspicion but you still add on a heavy dollop of fake surprise. That love struck friend probably thought he was fooling everyone by keeping his secret well hidden when in reality many had already picked up on it. If you’re close enough with said friend to tell them that you’ve always known, it’s also quit hilarious to watch them slowly realize how non-secret their secret was
Maybe perceptive isn’t the correct word. Rather than say I’m perceptive, I’d say I pay attention. People will always show you who they really are as long as you pay attention to the details. I remember listening to Amy Sedaris (in her book Entertaining Under the Influence) talk about the word meds vs medication. If a guy says “I’m off my meds” it’s very different than saying “I forgot to take my medication today.” While both phrases indicate a missed prescription, the former definitely tends toward as Sedaris puts it ‘mood altering psychotropic drugs.’ Specific words and actions like that are your little clues. Nonverbal communication is just as important. Going back to the earlier ‘crush’ scenario, your friend’s true feelings were probably obvious because he lights up whenever Tom enters the room. I know it’s a cliché idea but a person’s whole demeanor can change when they see someone they have feeling for. . 
As I said people will always show you who they really are as long as you pay attention to the details. What I’ve come to realize though is that being perceptive (or whatever you call it) isn’t as common as I thought. In fact for a long time I assumed it was as common a trait as language itself. But as I get older I’m finding that not every shares this skill. Here is a good way to tell how well you pay attention: 
How often does a friend do something that genuinely surprises you? 
I’m not talking about surprise parties or jokes, I mean a friend doing something that is the total opposite of what you’d expect. A choice that you would never have guessed. The more you are surprised by people the less you probably pay attention. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect. I was surprised recently when I learned more about a friend’s past. To be honest, he was more of a friend of a friend who I had never had a one on one conversation with. Lacking any real background knowledge I guess I just assumed my version of an average storyline. I was stunned when someone casually mentioned the true details of his past. I never would have guessed it in a million years.

Gay Gasp Tank Tops!

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These are the tank tops that I wish existed. Don’t worry, I’m not starting a shirt company. I was making one shirt for myself and started to think of a bunch of other ideas. Here are is my fake line of designer trash tank tops.


P.S. Just a reminder, these are all just a joke. If you don’t get the last tank’s reference, Hey That’s My Bike is the name of Ethan Hawke’s band in Reality Bites.