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I define the Privileged Poor as someone at the bottom of their socioeconomic class. (Usually the middle class) You made the cut and avoided poverty… but just barely. On one hand you really shouldn’t complain because a lot of people have it worse but on the other hand you’re legit broke. You’re Cinderella, the pretty maid trying to act like a princess.
1. Your bank account is in single digits the day before pay day.
2. At least once a month you rummage through your closet looking for things to sell of Ebay. I wonder what a used iPhone 3 goes for?
3. You work in a call center. Enough said.
4. Game of Thrones? Yes. True Blood? Yes. HBO Go borrowed password? Of course.
5. The lotto: Aka your retirement plan.
6. You’re driving a dented car because your $500 deductible just isn’t worth it.
7. Even an awful date is still a free dinner…
8. You justify buying a $1300 MacBook Pro because “It’s an investment” and “You deserve it.”
9. When out at dinner you’re always the “I’ll just put it on my credit card and everyone can give me the cash” guy.
10. On the plus side you have your own office at work. On the negative side it’s a contract job so you don’t have health insurance.
11. Mother Teresa got more action than your bank account
12. You’re in grad school without any idea of what actual job you want
13. Home ownership is definitely in your future. I mean your parents have to die at some point right?
1. Work Hard. Great jobs and careers don’t come quick or easy. Your boss will appreciate hard work a lot more than an expensive wardrobe. Also if you’re laid off deep into your career don’t be too proud to get your hands dirty.
2. Set Up a 401K– If you’re like me and retirement is decades away, saving for old age is imperative. Social Security will be long gone by then and we’ll have to look out for ourselves.
3. Get an education. Education doesn’t have to always come from a 4 year institution. A diploma definitely helps but it’s by far not the only way to learn. Reading books, learning new skills, and generally broadening your horizons will help you at any age. Remember what Will Hunting (Matt Damon) says, “You dropped a hundred and fifty grand on a fuckin education you coulda got for a $1.50 in late charges at the public library.”
4. Eat a vegetable with every meal. There’s no way around it. Veggies are the healthiest form of food. If it helps, the US government now considers the tomato sauce on pizza a vegetable.
5. Learn to sew– It seems like sewing skills are becoming rarer and rarer. Unless you move to the jungle and become a nudist a quality cross stitch will do wonders. Plus if you’re ever on Project Runway fast sewing skill are key to crushing your competition. Nina hates a messy hemline.
6. Travel– Whether and hour away or a continent away, make sure to take time out to travel and explore areas other than your own.
7. Get the insurance plan for your cell phone. You’ll laugh it off at the register of AT&T as a waste of money until the faithful day when your phone is stolen after giving a quality blow job. (Not that I know from experience…)
8. Know how to change a tire. Everyone gets a flat tire at least once in their life and knowing what to do is empowering. It’s surprisingly simple and AAA isn’t always available.
9. Consider Therapy. I’ve always believed that everyone has enough problems to fill up at least one hour long session. An impartial third party can really be a blessing when working through complex issues.
10. Take responsibility. Learning how to take responsibility is part of becoming a mature adult. You must learn to take responsibility for your actions and your life as a whole. Sometimes that requires a hard look in the mirror as you own up to some of your daily problems.
11. Exercise– Run, play, jump, stretch, lift, swim, jog, dance, walk, cycle, move. Get off the couch every once and a while and move around. Turn on beast mode and work up a sweat. For extra gym motivation remember there’s always the possibility of locker room eye candy or a shower stall hook up.
These are the tank tops that I wish existed. Don’t worry, I’m not starting a shirt company. I was making one shirt for myself and started to think of a bunch of other ideas. Here are is my fake line of designer trash tank tops.
P.S. Just a reminder, these are all just a joke. If you don’t get the last tank’s reference, Hey That’s My Bike is the name of Ethan Hawke’s band in Reality Bites.