10 Things Worse Than Jorts

Jorts might be the red headed step child of men’s fashion but here are 10 things worse than those denim disasters. 

1. Excessive Rings– I picture a skinny leather skinned retiree in Santa Fe who’s house is filled with too many hanging plants.

2. Rat Tail– A rat tail is disgusting regardless of of who’s head it’s on. Sorry but a great personality can’t over come it. A rat tail trumps everything. I associate rat tails with the backwoods rapists, the KKK and child molesters.

3. Dreadlocks on white people– I think I just found what trumps a rat tail.

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/Sa0N3JtEE3o&source=uds 4. Swayed/Leather Fringe– Fringe always brings to mind to mind two classic 80’s movies. First Amanda Peterson as Cindy Mancini in Can’t Buy Me Love and second Mia Sara as Sloane in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. A white fringe jacket is the ultimate 80’s popular girl accessory. Like Mia Sara and Amanda Peterson, it too should be left in the 80’s. Also check out American Idol losers who are trying to sell their country rock street cred.

5. The Super Deep V-neck– A super deep v-neck tells the world,
“I work out. Look at my shaved tits. If you’re lucky you’ll get a nip slip.” If you need to show off your perky pecs do it with some tank top side boob.

6. All black– Anyone who only dresses in one color doesn’t have true style. They’re just lazy. Wearing all black says you’re either an emo goth groupie or you work at the mall. Be unique. Add some color to your life.

7. Long hair past age 30– Listen up aging rock stars. Young rockers are the only ones who can get away with long hair and even then you don’t really like it. You just put up with it because they’re young hot rock stars. There is no normal middle aged man who can pull off shoulder length locks. There’s a reason the white walkers are depicted as having long white stringy hair. It’s inherently creepy. A zombie with a buzz cut just isn’t believable.

8. Mesh tops– Were mesh tops ever in style? There’s even a Designing Women episode about a awful date with a guy in a mesh shirt. However this is what I picture Simon Cowell wearing as a young lady killer. Plus, where does one even buy a mesh shirt if you wanted one?

9. Velvetine Zip Up Blazers– So this really is just a one time occurrence I found at Undergear.com. But it’s so epic I needed to share. 

10. Anything Johnny Depp has ever worn– Kudos to the master. He’s a hobo pirate that needs to burn that stupid hat.

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