Single Stories: Tales From the Dating Battlegrounds

Being single and trying to date is difficult. Screw difficult, it’s a war zone and you’re in enemy territory. While most of my friends in Dallas know me in the context of a relationship, ask anyone in Connecticut and they’ll tell you I was single. So single I could’ve qualified for the ultra platinum frequent flyer black card of single-hood. Now that I have crossed over to the other side I wanted to share some of my dating war stories to help all the single guys out there know they aren’t alone and I too had to put in my do’s in the rigorous world of dating boot camp.

For the record, when I say I was super single I mean my only relationship from puberty to age 30 was one guy for about 3 months in my mid twenties. I’m not one of those queens who bitched because he was single for 6 months between 8 year marriages.

All the following are completely true:

On our second date I had a guy tell me he and his roommates were talking and they all wanted to know why the two of us hadn’t had sex yet.

I had a date tell me to my face that he was disappointed I wasn’t a chubby stoner. He said I was fancy in a very derogatory tone. 
A guy didn’t mention his long term boyfriend until an hour into dinner. (and there was no mention of it in his profile either)
I used to fuck around with a friend and he would always tell me I was his favorite. Years later it finally occurred to me to ask myself “Favorite what…?”
I’ve cried tears of heartache at leather/fetish bar night.
When I told them about my romantic feelings, I’ve had more then one guy tell me he was oblivious to the feelings I had for him. In all cases we had been already having sex for quite some time. They also said they never thought of me “in that way.”
I went and saw the Britney Spears’ movie Crossroads on a first date. I was a sophomore in college. 
After a bar make out session (He was drunk, I was sober) the guy leaned over to a friend and loudly whispered “He doesn’t kiss as good as you do. No one does.” 
I had started to develop feelings for a friend in a decaying relationship. He constantly told me that he wanted to be with me. When he finally became single he met the new ‘love of his life’ (not me) while he was out of town less then a week later.

I’ve been told to me face “I don’t love you as much as him and I never will.”

After several hookups with a guy he invited me to a summer BBQ. I was excited that he wanted to take our relationship to another level until I got there and met the two other me’s he’d been fucking. Each of of us with the same romantic expectations. At least I didn’t cry like #2.

After several attempts at asking out one of the few cute Connecticut single cubs, I finally gave up because he would totally ignore every text I sent him. He was also the inspiration for this blog post.

I tell you all these embarrassing stories to show you that there is hope. It does get better and you’ll be a better boyfriend for having gone through it. You don’t need someone to complete your life but it does make life better.


2 Years Ago Today

I had to share this post a friend of mine made to commemorate my two year anniversary of moving to Dallas:

Now, this is the story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I’d like to take a minute, just sit on this phallus
I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Dallas
In West Connecticut, born and raised
On the playground is where I spent most of my days
Chillin’ out, maxin’, relaxin’ all cool
And all shootin’ some B-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started makin’ trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got callous
And said, “You’re movin’ with your aunty and uncle in Dallas”
I begged and pleaded with her the other day
But she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket
I put my Walkman on and said, “I might as well kick it!”
First class, yo this is bad
Drinkin’ orange juice out of a champagne glass
Is this what the people of Dallas are livin’ like
Hmmm, this might be alright
Thank you Andy!