The 12 Best Types of Gay Men

1. Small town gays– The mainstream media might be surprised to learn that there is a abundant and fulfilling life outside of New York City. The majority of gays in the US have never been to Broadway, Fire Island or the Hamptons except while watching a Sex and the City marathon. I salute all the gay men and women in small towns around the country. It’s those Americans in rural areas that need exposure to gay people the most. By simply living their lives openly and honestly, small town gays are chipping away at centuries of hate. It’s easy to be who you are in a homo metropolis, but see how confident you are when the nearest pride parade is hours away.

2. A Bear best friend– Everyone should have a best friend who’s a bear regardless of your own orientation. Your bear best friends won’t judge you when you want to go to Denny’s at 2am and order everything on the left side of the menu. Nor will he back down to a drinking challenge. Although he may not be able to give you fashion advice he will show you the joys of daddy window shopping at Bass Pro Shop. And there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll always have either weed or cock ring on hand for emergencies.

3. Fundraisers– Gays don’t get enough credit for the amount of charity work we do. We often don’t give ourselves enough credit because the practice has become so common place that we take it for granted. Most of our huge parties always  have a charity tie in. In Dallas alone we have the Dallas Bears of TBRU, BearDance, and The Purple Foundation amongst others who bring people together for a good time and a good cause.

4. Gays who travel- Gays like to travel… a lot. And I’m not just talking about the big once a year vacation. We’ll use any excuse for a weekend getaway. Because of this many gay men have close friends sprinkled all around the country. If you’re traveling to any major metropolitan area there is a likelihood that you know someone local. If you don’t, there’s definitely a friend of friend nearby.  “Oh my friend Chris lives there. I tell him to meet you out. He’s a good guy.” Its like the gay underground railroad at times. If you talk to your straight sister you’ll quickly discover that despite a few college friends she only knows people in her immediate area. The gay community is just that, a community. We may bitch about the “small gay world” of it all but we benefit much more than we are harmed by it.

5. Gay Sport Leagues– Gay sports leagues are huge around the country. Softball, tag football, rugby and volleyball are just some of the sports to choose from. There’s comradery and bonding when you all have a common goal and who couldn’t use some more exercise. Many people, gay and straight, often complain that it’s difficult to meet new people if you are not into the bar scene. This is a perfect way to broaden your social circle without needing a designated driver. Gay choirs get a shout out too for those of us who are less athletically inclined.

6. Gays who came out early– Some gays plan their coming out after years of soul searching. Others of us didn’t have a choice. Our closets practically burned down around us as soon as we picked up our first Barbie as a toddler or spent hours putting GI Joes in compromising positions during preschool. Those of us who came out early had to man up and deal with our shit at an early age before any “It Gets Better” videos. If you didn’t come out early, you can also thank us for taking most of the torment and attention off you.

7. Daddies– Gays appreciate age much more then straight people. We know a man with some experience and extra mileage is a thing of beauty. A salt and pepper beard, thick hands and calves, and kind warm hearted eyes are winners in my book. As Bevy Smith says, “It get’s greater later!” 

8. Gays who embrace new technology– Technology isn’t going away and societies never de-industrialize. Gays have a long history of being early adopters on the forefront of innovation. When a gay man hears  a straight person talk about this ‘cool new app’ called Tinder he’ll just laugh and laugh. Gays don’t realize that straight people literally just figured out that you can use your GPS to find horny locals. Not only did we have this technology on our iPhone 3 we also have since created Growlr, Scruff, BoyAhoy, Mister, Recon, Jack’d, Radar, and probably 10 others I haven’t found yet. It’s unfair really. We’re Alexander Graham Bell creating the telephone and they’re Benny Franklin outside with their kite.

9. Gays who let it all hang out- When I say ‘let it all hang out‘ I mean it both literally and figuratively. There’s nothing more fun then gay guys who are comfortable with their bodies. So comfortable that they’ll proudly post a number of x-rated pictures for all to see. Gay men might not realize that Tumblr wasn’t created just to share cum covered belly pics. We saw the opportunity and turned it into the perfect porn swap meet. Letting it all hang out also refers to a general sense of relaxed inhibitions and attitudes. Uptight gays have their purpose too, I just haven’t quit figured out what it is yet. 
10. Gays who throw a good party– I know it’s a cliche but cliche’s exist for a reason. Gays just throw better parties. Whether it’s a casual brunch with a freshly made bacon sausage quiche or an annual 4th of July party with a hired bartender and lobster mac&cheese. Either way you won’t soon forget it.

11. Gays who love gay sex– Gay sex is wonderful. Spectacular even. Regardless of which position you prefer any chance to play is a guaranteed home run. Also ask yourself how many gay men do you know that have been in a threesome? It may be quicker to ask how many gay men you know who haven’t. Next ask a straight man how many guys he knows who’ve had a threesome. Most likely he’ll tell you about how he knew ‘this one guy who had a cousin who claimed this one time…’ You get the idea. Gay men have threesomes as often as straight women ask “Can we just to cuddle tonight?”

12. Gay men who say things like- Basic, Hashtag, Shade, Yass, and of course Hey Gurl Hey!

Happy Pride Month 🙂

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