Hello future me. Hopefully you’re reading this from the home you purchased in the Dallas suburbs. I’m picturing a lounge chair on a covered porch or back patio. It’s 2024 and I’m sure Jay Z and Beyonce have been divorced for several years and the Real Housewives’ movie probably won the Oscar for Best Reality film at last years ceremony. I am curious though, did they ever find a suitable vehicle for Ellen Cleghorne?
The point of this letter is to help guide you as you grow older and to make sure you avoid the common pitfalls of old age. Don’t get caught in common trapping of old age where you dismiss new ideas and innovations. No the music of your generation wasn’t any better then the new music. It may feel like a burden to get used to a new phone, tablet or computer operating system but in the long run resisting new technology only harms yourself. You don’t get extra point for still using an iPhone 7. Societies never de-industrializes and therefore technology will always continue to evolve. Embrace it. Change is what makes life possible.
By now you are entering your daddy phase of adulthood. This is what you’ve been waiting for. Finally you are growing into your looks. There are no doubt a whole crop of young cubs eager to get a piece of your salt and pepper goodness. Don’t be too hard on the young cubs and show them some love. They are navigating their way through life and maturity just like you did once. Keep in mind you were just as naive and raw at that age. Also consider that you probably think you’ve learned all of life’s lessons by now but if fact there is still a mountain of wisdom you have yet to acquire. I bet by age 60, you’ll look back at your 40’s and think how young and clueless you were.
At this point you’ve been with Russ for close to 12 years. He’s probably napping in the other room right now as you ready this. As a 32 year old in the past, I don’t know what a 12 year relationship looks or feels like but I bet that any relationship takes constant effort. Avoid taking him for granted like so many other couples you see around you. Remember why you first fell in love with him in the first place. Although no one is perfect, he’s the best man you ever met and more importantly he’s the best man for you. Maybe go out and surprise him by getting some Lindt peanut butter truffles.
Other general pieces of timeless advice:
-Hot and Crazy are better friends than Oprah and Gale.
-Anyone who uses “everything comes back in fashion again” is just making an excuse for being cheap.
-Overcast sun provides great lighting for selfies. Brightness without the glare.
-Eat more vegetables
-Get in the habit of flossing
-You should really start to work out. You’re too young for saggy old man ass but it’s not far away. Tone your glutes. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.