Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about relationship role models. By role models I don’t mean the rich and famous but rather the friends around you. As I was navigating the maze of my 20’s all of my friends were in their 30’s/40’s with longstanding boyfriends. I was the only single one amongst a large circle of partnered pals. Being young and not know any better, their reality became mine. This was true for all aspects of life but especially with regard to relationships and dating. Unconsciously I used their relationships as the mold and inspiration for what I thought of as normal.
I assume most people get their main ideas about love and marriage from their parents. My parents are still happily married after 40+ years. They met at a very young age and have been together ever since. Growing up their relationship seemed very unrealistic. Meeting your soul mate in 8th grade is a tall order. By the time I reached high school I was already behind the 8 Ball if I was going to follow their lead. That’s why I looked to my fellow homo peers around me for guidance.
Now that I am part of a couple, I’ve realize that my wants and needs for a boyfriend are different from those I spent so many years around. Looking back it occurs to me that there were little to no gay relationships that I would want to mimic. I can think of only one pair that is the closest to my ideal couple. Without spilling other people’s tea, I’ll just say that most of the couples around me had relationships with details that I didn’t understand. From the outside they all seemed to have aspects that didn’t always ad up. Let me be clear, I’m not judging their choices or saying anyone is doing anything wrong. There are endless variations and combinations for a successful partnership. What I’m realizing is that what works well for them would not work well for me.
This just proves that no two relationships are the same. Do what works best for you and your boyfriend/husband. Looks to those around you for guidance all the while knowing there may be more options than what you see readily available.