Highlighter Shoes

There’s a trend that needs to be addressed. Shoe companies are making sneakers in the brightest most vibrant colors you can think of. Electric colored sneakers that my boyfriend lovingly calls highlighter shoes. Originally I wondered if it was just one crazy company pumping out these blinding kicks. As I started to do research online for this post I was surprised that the trend was supported by all brands. I found examples from New Balance, Nike, Puma, Reebok etc.

Usually I am all for color but this is too much. The sneakers aren’t totally at fault. The men wearing them share half of the blame. Unfortunately the men buy these shoes don’t know what to do with such powerful color. Let me take a moment to say that a lot of straight guys and bears are not concerned about fashion. They want to look nice but there’s no deep thought given to color, cut, or style and that’s totally ok. Honestly I respect that. Simplicity and classic masculine pieces will always look great. But here in lies the problem, the bear that has always rocked basic khaki shorts and a blue polo now suddenly has flaming sun sneakers on his feet. It just looks wrong. Keep it casual. Don’t try and make your feet look like the newest superhero villain Blaze: The Sun Demon.

The sneakers themselves aren’t inherently awful but the only way to successfully make them work is to wear them while playing sports or exercising in an outfit of equal brightness. (Under Armour performance apparel comes to mind). I support them being worn by athletes during their respective sports. However, please do no wear these on a dinner date with jeans and a white button down. I applaud these guys for stepping outside their wheelhouse and attempting something more flashy but dial it back a couple degrees. Either that or dress in an orange lycra bodysuit.


While were on the subject of sneakers: Athletic style is not always my personal favorite but I like to think I at least understand the basics. With that said, will someone please explain these Reebok’s to me? I’m at a loss for words…

Pink Problems

I’ve always had very mixed feelings about the musician Pink. She’s is a very talented musician who has written and performed several great songs. She also does thinks that annoy the fuck out of me. Usually she’ll do something great that makes me start to like her but then just as quickly she’ll quickly come out with something that makes me roll my eyes all over again. I’ll be the first to admit most of my reasons for liking her and disliking her are trivial. For example, Pink is in a new movie Thanks for Sharing. When I saw the preview I thought to myself, “Wow it looks like Pink did a really good job. I may have to giver her another chance.” Literally less then a week later I read her EOnline.com interview and my old feelings of annoyance came rushing back. She gave an interview and was asked her feeling about Miley Cyrus’ infamous award show performance. This is what she said:

“Am I into it?” the rocker told me yesterday while promoting her big screen acting debut in Thanks for Sharing. “No, I think it’s tacky. She’s really freaking talented,” she said of the foam-finger-loving pop star. “She’s beautiful. She can sing her ass off and to go up there and do that? She’s cheating herself and she’s cheating the rest of us…She can do what she wants. People can like it if they want. I’m not going to buy it. She can do better. I’ve seen her do better.”
Without missing a beat, Pink cracked, “I twerk all the time like a mofo. There’s a place for that and it’s not on stage.”

*Eye roll* Where do I begin? To start with, at least Pink made her judgmental remarks in a professional way and was not ranting and raving. I’ll give her that credit. However she took a very superior tone throughout the whole interview. Apparently Miley’s stage performance was much to inappropriate and didn’t meet Pink high standards.

You might have agreed with every point Pink made and I’m not saying she’s completely wrong. My (very big) issue is that Pink is being a judgmental hypocrite. How can she sit and say “There’s a place for that and it’s not on stage” when she herself has performed Lady Marmalade in lingerie on stage at the Grammys back toward the beginning of her career. She even accepted an award with her fellow Marmaladies in a glorified bra and panties. So before she gets all high and mighty about artistic expression, she needs to remember where she came from and stop being such a hypocrite. In fact, if I was going to compare Cyrus to another musician, it would in fact be Pink. Unfortunately I’m left on the side on annoyance… maybe once I see the movie I can at least get back to neutral because when Pink is involves neutral is the best I can hope for.

On a side note: If you want an example of a star who answered the question a lot better look to Ms. Britney Spears. EOnline also asked her about the former Hannah Montana star. She provided judgment free
 praise. “I remember that age when I was just transferring into my career and doing more controversial things and the energy that you feel, all this chaos going on, and she is on fire right now, she’s just a ball full of energy,” Good job Brit. She even acknowledges her own controversial behavior at that age. Who thought Britney would turn into the well spoken elder stateswoman?

Visit EOnline.com to read Pink’s Interview and Britney’s Interview

Thank You God for Making Me Gay

I’ve noticed the topic of gay hating gays does not get much attention despite is running rampant all around me. There was the infamous post by another blog titled “My problems the Bear Community” that used a picture of (the always wonderful) Mark and Ami as it’s poster children. While I respect everyone’s right to their own opinion, part of me has to wonder, why all the hate and negativity? I’m not excluded though. I’ve wanted to write a passionate post about the internalized homophobia that exists in the ‘butch’ gay community. However it occurred to me that a long winded diatribe bashing our community is not the best way to fight against hating on fellow gays. Instead I’m choosing the road less traveled and I’m going to focus on the positive. Rarely are there articles written about why gay men are wonderful. The few that do slip in are usually written by straight women and full of outdated cliches. That’s why I wanted to give you some of the reasons why I’m proud to being gay.

Community– I love the community feel that exists amongst gay people. It’s almost family like. When I was in college I lived in a special dorm specifically for gay and lesbian students. There were students of every background, gender, and sexual orientation. Our bathroom was co-ed so transgender students felt more comfortable. It was a wonderful atmosphere to be in. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows all the time. Get a bunch of hormonal queer students together and there’s bound to be some fighting. However when it really counted, we knew we could depend on each other for support. Fun Fact: RuPaul’s Drag Race star JuJubee lived across the hall from me for much of my time there.

RuPaul– He deserves a shout out for being a fierce drag queen for more then 20 years. He also deserves credit for simply sticking around. When Supermodel (You better work) was released in 1993, I wounder how many people predicted he’d still be famous two decades later. Then after a very long career he managed to create RuPaul’s Drag Race on the Logo Network and bring his style and comedy to a whole new generation. Drag Race is also responsible for great gay slang like No Tea No Shade, Throwing Shade, Realness, ‘Reading’ someone and Shante You Stay. RuPaul will outlast us all.

Culture– I don’t consider myself to be on the cutting edge of gay/pop culture. At best I’m an early adopter but nothing ground breaking. If you asked most gay men I think they would agree and say the same thing. However we all take for granted that gay men generally like things first. My mid level cultural knowledge is actually genius level when compared to my straight counterparts. Music, fashion, technology, and entertainment tend to processes through our community a lot quicker. This is made shockingly clear when, for example, a straight co-worker asks you about a ‘new song’ they’ve been listening to and want to pass along to you. Your interest is peaked until you realize she’s talking about Blurred Lines. You quickly remember that in her world Dancing with the Star is trendy and the Bachelor topical. She’ll be lucky if she discovers Grumpy Cat by Christmas.

Bears– I love the bear community. There simply isn’t a better group of guys. Bears are by far the most fun people you’ll ever want to hang out with. They drink, they eat, they party, they fuck, they travel… and all in large groups. They live life to the fullest. I love a big bellied butch bear who looks like a lumberjack yet can still sing every note from Wicked and suck a great cock. These large hairy gay men have created their own world and even have an extensive travel circuit of bear runs to keep them busy. The gay world is small and the bear world is even smaller. God forbid you’re ever lost in a foreign country, find the nearest denim/leather bar you’ll quickly find at least three people who’ve fucked half your Facebook friends list.

Effeminate Men– Flamers, sissies, girly boys, fags, Jack McFarland. Gurl… I love a big queen. I feel a natural kinship with flaming queens. I’m somewhat effeminate myself and yet I’m still much more butch compared to when I was little. When I was in 4th grade I would practice my runway walk while heading to the bus stop every morning. (True story) The logo for the Gay Gasp is the image of me when I was young giving my most fabulous of poses. Also butch guys have no idea how much shit effeminate men have had to endure their entire life for simply being who they are. They have never been able to ‘pass’ or blend into a crowd. Like me, they were called a girl as early as kinder garden. They were the ones who were fighting for our rights long before it was popular and cool. Remember, a large part of the crowd who fought back during the Stonewall Riots where in fact
drag queens.

Ellen DeGeneres (and other trail blazing celebrities)- Even though I don’t watch her daytime show, I have to give a shout out to Ellen because she is a great example of a rail blazing celebrity who came out at a time when it wasn’t easy. She did it at a time when had everything to lose but felt that honestly was more important. Some celebrities have come out as gay after their career has peeked. Ellen on the other hand made a statement and broke down doors coming out as gay on her self-titled hit prime time sitcom. After surviving a firestorm of controversy she has come back and is at the top of her game. She’s lesbian royalty.

Sex– What can I say… gay sex is just so much better. Can you imagine being a poor heterosexual man who has to deal with all the bullshit women put them through before sex is ever talked about? You might not like to admit it but one of the best moments on earth is when you have a man hard cock down your throat. It’s truly a religious experience. I guess that’s an important difference between men and women, gay and straight. Women suck cock as a favor. Men suck cock because they love it. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Rimming is superb. Fucking is spectacular. Two men know what they want and how to get it. Hell we’ve even developed an array of apps just to find other horny guys near by. Could it get any better? Yes it can! Gay men also love taking pictures and videos of the sex they have to share with the world.

For these reasons and many more, I say THANK YOU GOD FOR MAKING ME GAY!

NY Fashion Week Spring 2014

Last week was New York Fashion Week. There were some surprises and stand outs.
 A surprise favorite: The Row
I’ve never loved the Olsen twin’s ultra expensive clothing line. It’s usually a bit to stark and severe for my taste. That’s why I couldn’t have been more surprised when they turned out a feminine and wearable collection for for Spring 2014. Well done ladies. Keep it up!

A What Were They Thinking? moment: Rodarte
Rodarte is usually a super cool fashion label that gets tone of praise but maybe not as many sales. This season I think they were trying to be more commercial. Unfortunately something went horribly wrong and they turned out a collection that was a former farm girl turned mid-west rocker slut. Yikes!

Women will actually want to buy and wear: Oscar De la Renta and Victoria Beckham. 
Consistently clean and classic. The crazier looks get the headlines but these are the designers that are actually successful. Look for some of Oscar’s dresses on the red carpet of this month’s Emmy Awards.

Iconic American Fashion: Ralph Lauren and Michael Kors. 
This is how you build a fashion empire that is beloved from high end fashionistas to the bargin bin Marshalls customer. Perfection!  

Just plain ugly and awful: Marc Jacobs
I’ve never been a big MJ fan. This season didn’t do anything to change my mind either. I mean… when was the last time you heard someone say, “I wish it had more tassels.” Are you kidding me? The funny thing is that Jacobs is hugely successful. I wonder if it’s all a big joke? I wonder if he sits around and tries to make the ugliest clothing possible to see if people will still buy it.

Favorite Moment: Naomi Campbell closing Diane von Furstenberg


10 Shows You Didn’t Know Were Still On

You probably watched these shows at one point in your life but assumed they have long been cancelled. Not true… here are 10 shows you didn’t realize were still on.

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire in syndication
It’s now a day time game show. One hosted by Meredith Vieira, now it’s Cedric the Entertainer at the helm.

Survivor on CBS
I’m surprised they haven’t run out of deserted tropical islands. Idea! Maybe next should be Survivor: Detroit

America’s Next Top Model on CW
The most recent season included both male and female models.

Real World on MTV
The current season is Real World: Portland.

What Not to Wear on TLC
It took a long hiatus but Stacy and Clinton are back for their 10th and final season.

 Family Feud in syndication
This show will never die.

Who Do You Think You Are started on NBC now on TLC
Did you ever watch it on NBC? Probably not. It managed to get a death row pardon from TLC.

Two and a Half Men on CBS
The kid is grown and Charlie is gone… It’s time to call it a wrap.

Dateline on NBC
What ever happened to Stone Phillips?

The Biggest Loser on NBC
Fatties on tv losing a lot of weigh very fast. Cut to thin bobble heads with saggy skin. 

*It should be mentioned that (classic)  Law and Order went of the air several years ago despite being rerun at every moment of the day.

Spell Check

It occurred to me that I’ve probably picked up some new readers in the last couple months who may not be familiar with my style. First, let me say welcome and I appreciate you taking time out to read my musings. If there’s a chance that you’re going to continue to read The Gay Gasp there one important thing you should know:
I am and have always been a very bad speller. Horrible in fact. If you’re going to continue to read what I write then you should expect spelling/grammatical errors.  It’s just a fact of life. Don’t be confused, I do try my best to get everything right and every post goes through a spell check program.  Unfortunately there’s often a word or two that slips through the cracks. Think of it this way, my spelling errors are like a special gift to all of my grammar Nazi readers. Every time I make a mistake you can get that special feeling of superiority you love so much. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. 
While we’re at it, I should also touch on subject matter. As you ready you might start to think I am talking specifically about you. Trust me… I’m not. My everyday life does inspire my writing but it is almost never about one specific person. While there may be a person who sparks the initial thought, I need to see the actions repeated by other for it to warrant it’s own post. Otherwise my blog would turn into one big burn book. Also, if you’re self aware enough to think I’m talking about you it’s most definitely not about you. 

You Think You’re Hot Sh*t

Gluttony, Sloth, Lust, Greed, Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Better know as the seven deadly sins.

My mother is sensitive toward anyone or anything that makes women look bad. She’s convinced Martha Stewart was imprisoned and treated unfairly purely because of her sex. (I agree) She also thought Paula Dean got a bad wrap during the whole racism controversy just because she’s a woman. (I disagree)

With that said you might not be surprised to hear that my mother also hates Madonna. So much so that ever since I can remember she only refers to her as ‘The Pig Woman.’ (Okay, she sometimes uses the nickname Slut Face too) Her distaste stems from a strong feminist conviction that Madonna makes women look bad. She’s a slut, she’s a pig, etc etc. You get the idea. Obviously I don’t agree. In fact Madge is one of, if not my all time favorite celebrities. However I can see her point. Madonna pushed sexual boundaries for many years and that’s not my mother’s cup of tea. We agree to disagree on the subject but I respect her point of view.

Madonna isn’t the only star my mother condemns. There is one other woman who gets her blood boiling just as much. Is it Kim K? Rihanna? Lady Gaga? Lindsay Lohan? All good guesses but no. My mother can’t stand Oprah. I’ve been a hardcore Oprah fan for many years. You would think Oprah is everything that my mother values. A strong self-made women who created an enormous empire based on positive ideals, charity, and female empowerment. She knocked over racial barriers and broke the stereotypical mold for female celebrities with her weight fluctuations. Isn’t she the feminist ideal?  

My mother hates Oprah for one reason and one reason only. Pride. In the words of Kathy Griffin “Oprah thinks she’s Jesus.” It’s true, Oprah thinks she’s hot shit. But if there was ever someone who could back up her self esteem… it Oprah! My mother turns her nose up though. Remember when Oprah gave her entire audience a car? “You get a car! You get a car!” It put my mother over the edge. All she would talk about was how Oprah didn’t pay for the cars. It was really Pontiac who did the good deed and Oprah took all the credit. In my mother’s mind, Winfrey’s pride cancels out every other good deed she has done.

Although this is an extreme example, I’ve noticed the same sentiment rings true for most people. Drug addicts, cheaters, and abusive husbands can all have a second chance however pride is the kiss of death. I’ll give you an example, how many times have you ever said or heard “God I can’t stand him. All he does is post Instagram selfies all day. I could never be friends with someone like that.” Or even better “The worst thing about him is that he knows he’s hot.” Remember that One Direction song What Makes You Beautiful? The answer to the song’s title question is you’re beautiful because you don’t know you’re beautiful. Basically they are saying they love you because you have low self esteem. That’s extremely fucked up when you think about it. There’s an unspoken truth that if you’re great in any way, you need to be quiet and humble about it and when someone points out your gifts you should deny it and act embarrassed regardless of your true feelings.

Personally I’ve always been attracted to a guy with a cocky attitude. Whenever I hear someone complain about excessive selfies I usually disagree. I guess never really understood why pride is so universally accepted as the worst of all the seven deadly sins.

Geography Lession

Syria has been in the news a lot lately and there is even talk of a coming war. It occurred to me that if you asked most people they wouldn’t be able to find Syria on a map. I’m here to help. Here’s a quick geography look and lesson.

Location: Middle East Region
Population: 22 Million
Religion: Muslim
Capitol: Damascus

A Quick Update

Last week I took a mini vacation from blogging for my birthday. Let me get you up to speed on what’s been going on:

I just learned that monumentous is not a real word.

I made the controversial decision and changed my first name from Joe to Joey on Facebook. Okay, I’m kidding, it wasn’t that big of a deal but it has created a lot of buzz. I unexpectedly turned heads by adding a Y  to my name. It didn’t seem so strange to me because my entire family calls me Joey. I’m a junior and my father is and always was Joe. So one night I had a momentary whim and changed it assuming it would largely go unnoticed. Also, it should be mentioned, this doesn’t affect any name changes in real life. If you already call me Joe you can keep calling me Joe. Joey is just another option. Other welcomed nicknames include: The Gay Gasp (used by Darren and Mark Albert), Joe Bob (used by my Dad when I was little because my middle name is Robert), and Joseph (used by a lot of work colleagues). Or if you can come up with something more creative that’s possible too. 

New Music Alert: Royals by Lorde

I turned 32 on Labor Day. I like being an even numbered age.

I’m looking forward to seeing Blue Jasmine. Cate Blanchett, Alec Baldwin and Andrew Dice Clay… Sign me up. Side note: I’ve always secretly loved Andrew Dice Clay.

My parents and sister live on diet soda. More specifically, they live on diet Pepsi. I grew up hating diet soda. Since making the switch I realized an important lesson. I don’t hate all diet soda, I just hate diet Pepsi.

On a related note: In the past 6 months I’ve lost about 25-30lbs. I try to write about my life with honesty but my feelings about it are complicated and I’m not sure how to tackle the issue in a blog post. I also hate when people go on and on about weight loss. More to come… maybe.

Up coming events: Dallas Pride, a Miranda Lambert concert, and a possible visit from my sister in October.