Beige

Bland. Fin Average. Ok. Nice. Standard. Common. Beige. Boring.

Color has always had an emotional connotation. Red represents fire and passion. Blue is calm and cool. What about beige? When you think of the color beige do you get any emotion reaction or connection? If beige were a musical group, it would be the perfect album to fall asleep to. No you don’t. For my color blind readers, beige is neutral tone in the tan family. It represents the ultimate neutral. Used a lot in decoration, Its best when paired with a stronger color. Beige is also a term that refers to a person place or thing.  That person usually shares many of the same characteristics. A dull non-offending soul that is devoid of any lasting impression.

Beige: Adj- Fitting in to the standard without any distinguishing uniqueness. Causes no strong emotional response. Dull. (Source- Me)

I used this adjective most often to refer to a person or event. A beige afternoon is one that’s not good yet it’s not bad either. Its nothing, its beige. I’m reminded of a Sex and the City episode when Carrie tries to figure out why Mr. Big is marrying Natasha and not her. She comes to the realization that Natasha is a pretty and uncomplicated. Carrie on the other hand represents passion, emotion, and complexity. Natasha is total beige.

There are several cliché ways of putting it but the lesson here is to have a personality. Have an opinion. That doesn’t mean you should be a cunt or run around with in a Dora the Explorer costume just to stand out. I simply mean that you should show the world what makes you a unique individual. If you stand for everything, you stand for nothing. Your personality doesn’t always have to come out verbally. Not everyone wants to be the center of attention or the loudest in the room. You can avoid beige by your actions. I remember the first time I met my friend Harry and learned his job was designing slaughter house equipment. Regardless of how you feel about eating meat, you have to admit he has a pretty interesting and unique career. It’s one that you won’t soon forget. On the flip side, how many gays have you met that work in IT?

A good test of your beige rating is to image a friend is describing you to a possible blind date match. What would he say about you? Here are some real descriptions of people I know:

Andy is an adorable guy who always has a smile on his face. He’s into photography and has a deep love affair for weed and parties.

Jason loves drawing and artistry. Definitely take a look at his sketches if you ever get a chance. Little known fact, he has a degree in zoology and is also obsessed with animals.

Unfortunately having a severely quiet and shy persona can often lead to a beige rating. Sometimes that rating is justified because he or she really has nothing interesting to say or do. Other times there is personality and color lurking beneath the surface without a way of getting out. Do you find yourself standing like a stone monument at parties next to the one friend you feel comfortable with? I’m sorry to tell you, everyone at that party thinks you’re beige. Either that or they think your friend hired a body guard for himself. In any case you’ve probably made a forgettable first impression. All is not lost though. Every new party or social gathering is an opportunity to show yourself. Every beige boy can turn it around and become the guy who is  “…a lot more fun than I thought.”

If you’re just too shy or really lack any noticeable personality then all that’s left is your body. You better beef up and learn how to fuck like a porn star. Hot and fuckable always fixes beige.

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