Oscar Recap

Jennifer Lawrence fell.

Katherine Zeeta Jones has had too much botox

Jennifer Hudson KILLED IT!

Charlize Theron can dance?

Anne Hathaway wore a boring dress and gave a boring speach

Daniel Day Lewis is the only actor to win Best Actor three times.

DDL also gave the funniest acceptance speech.

Helen Hunt wore H&M.

The band was in another building?

Jack Nicolson looked insane.

I was hoping for a big upset but the winners were very predictable.

Adele is only 24.

Who was that bitch in the hot pic stretch pants?

The “shut up and wrap it up” music was no joke. Were they playing Jaws?

Was Will.i.am an usherette?

The show was nice and forgettable.

What’s Next for Apple?

Apple revolutionized the mobile phones with the first iPhone. A couple years later they rolled out the iPad and again hit it big. With Steve Jobs at the helm, they redefined the industry and left every competitor miles behind them. However that was a couple years ago. The last major innovation was Facetime and the front facing camera but since then it’s been yawn city. They brought out Siri which turned your phone into your very own ventriloquist doll. You: “Siri, call me an ambulance.” Siri: “Ok from now on I’ll call you Anne Ambulance.” (Hilarious drunken laughs from your friends) It’s no surprise that Apple’s market dominance is starting to slip. Those once lacking competitors have now caught up. Now there is very little difference between iPhones and Droids and basically you can get what you want on either platform. It’s a critical time for Apple and current CEO Tim Cook must prove that it wasn’t only Steve Jobs’ brilliance that shot them to success.

So what does Apple do now? They need a new ground breaking idea. There was talk that Apple is trying to develop a smart phone watch. Imagine your iPhone on your wrist. The trouble with a watch is that the smart phone caused many people to stop wearing watches all together. I think that’s an idea better left to internet gossip columns. The other big rumor (which is more likely to be true) is that Apple will release a cheaper version of the iPhone made out of plastic in order to appeal to lower income buyers. That’s a great idea that will help draw in new customers but it’s hardly groundbreaking.

They say history is doomed to repeat itself and Apple already fell behind once in it’s history. Do you remember Apple during the 1990s? Yeah I don’t either. I can’t give Apple it’s next big idea but hopefully it’s already in the works. Personally I hope they lead the way in battery life. Make a phone that will last for days on end without needing a charge. While we’re at it, can we also get a color besides black or white? How about green or red? Good luck Apple. I’m still a fan and I know you’ll come up with another gadget that we don’t know we need.


The Story of a T-shirt

Store: Alexander McQueen

Year of purchase: 2010

Price: $99 (on sale from $199

Location: the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada

Design: A metamucil pink t-shirt with skull design. The skull is made of up naked women’s bodies.

My favorite item of clothing is a t-shirt and here is the store of how it came into my life.

It was January of 2010 and I was a Store Manager for Oakley. For their yearly conference, the company flew every store manager out to Las Vegas for 3 days. We stayed at the newly opened Aria hotel and were brought to see O by Cirque du Soleil, all on the company’s dime. As you can imagine they kept us busy for almost every minute of our day so it was difficult to break away from the pack. On the closing night of the conference they had a big costume party. The theme was Saturday Night Live (side note: It’s a GREAT theme for a costume party if you ever have one) and I went dressed as Mary Katherine Gallagher. I ate, laughed, and joked but all the while in the back of my head I knew this was my one and only shot to sneak away. After about an hour I slipped out of the party, changed out of my wig and plaid skirt, and started my journey to the Wynn. A couple years before, I was vacationing in Vegas and found the Alexander McQueen store quit by accident. I had already spent my money on a Fendi key chain so I could only look and drool over the fabulous merchandise. Another side note: I’m still using that Fendi key chain to this day. Now that I was back in Vegas I was not going to let the opportunity pass me by. I was going to buy something by my all-time favorite designer Alexander McQueen. When I got to the store I expected to buy a key chain or other small accessory item because I did not think they would have an item of clothing that 1. I could fit into and 2. I could afford. But when I passed by the men’s sale rack this t-shirt practically jumped out at me. It was perfect in every way. It was the ultimate combination of design, personal expression, and brand loyalty and IT WAS ON SALE! There was no hesitation as I took out my credit card, hell it was cheaper then the key chain. I practically skipped back to my hotel room.

As you can see, I still have the shirt 3 years later. Whenever I put it on I still feel that same joy I did when I first saw it. I also save the pretty gray embossed shopping bag it came it complete with monogrammed tissue paper and ribbon.

P.S. Yes, this is another post about a t-shirt with ANOTHER self picture of me in said t-shirt. But the best part of this entire post is that I’ve been typing it from my boyfriend’s bed while he quietly sleeps beside me. Bliss. A wonderful Saturday afternoon.


An Open Letter to Justin Timberlake

Dear Mr. Timberlake,
First let me congratulate you on your recent wedding. Hopefully your personal life will flourish as well as your professional life has. For a relatively young man you’ve had a long and successful career. My personal favorites include What Goes Around Comes Around, My Love, and Cry Me A River. Plus, can we talk about the video for Cry Me A River, with the Britney look-a-like!?! LOVE IT! After tremendous success in the music industry you even managed to make the cross over into film and television. You won rave reviews for your dramatic work in the Social Network as well as your spectacular comedic turns on Saturday Night Live. Bravo!
You’ve carved yourself a unique niche in show business but it seems you want to return to your musical roots. Understandable, your fans have been waiting for new music your years and on paper it sounds like a great idea. Sadly the reality got lost in translation. To be honest, I suspect your motive for releasing a new album was purely monetary. Some big record exec probably threw buckets of cash your way in exchange for one more record. Now we the public must suffer through the 20/20 Experience. I haven’t heard the entire album but the first single Suit and Tie was released to lukewarm reactions. Ok, I’ll be blunt, Suit and Tie is/was shit awful. When it tanked my faith in humanity was restored a little bit. Now you’ve released a second single Mirrors. It’s never a good sign when one single is release so soon after the first.(and the album isn’t even out yet) Yikes! Obviously that money wielding executive is getting getting nervous. Mirrors is a good song and a big improvement over S&T. Before you get to excited I said good, not great. The main obstacle is length. Mirrors clocks in at a mind numbing 8 minutes long. 8 FUCKING MINUTES! Are you kidding me?!

Around the 5 minute mark listeners will all have the same feeling “Oh this feels like the end of a good song.”  Until they realize they still have to endure 3 more minutes. Then their thought instantly changes to, “Three more minutes? The song wasn’t that good.” Oh Justin, what are you doing? You struck out with your first single and this one feels like it’s going to be a bunt at best. Maybe it’s a good idea to stick to guest spots on SNL and leave your musical past in the past.

The Gay Gasp

P.S.- You were obviously uninspired for this album. Suit and Tie, Mirrors… I picture you sitting on the couch at home looking around the room for song ideas. There last song on the album is called Blue Ocean Floor. I bet you $10 JT has blue carpet somewhere in his house. Is your next song going to be Duvet Cover?

In The News

It’s been a slow news week, but here are the headlines getting the most buzz:

-The Northeast got pounded by a huge winter storm that dump a staggering 3 feet of snow in some spots.

-The Pope resigned as Pope. Yeah so that happened…

-The Grammys were Sunday night and over all the show was a big snooze fest. The only two things you need to know are:

          Adele wore this                             and                     Kelly Clarkson totally photo-bombed Ellen

-In movie news, Rex Reed of the New Your Observer reviewed Identity Thief and rather then focus on the acting or quality of the film, he chose to focus on Melissa McCarthy’s weight. When referring to the Oscar nominated actress he uses words like hippo, tractor-sized, humongous and creep. Seriously. I wonder if the same adjectives have ever been used in a review for a John Candy movie? Or a Jonah Hill movie? Seth Rogan? Chris Farley? I didn’t think so.

-Madonna’s on Instagram and it’s awesome. (If it’s really her) I was follower 39,002 in case you were curious.

Fashion Week is like so over! New York Fashion Week is currently under way. There are whisper that the Fashion Week concept has Jumped the Shark. Once a place for top talent, this year NYFW featured a cat fashion show. Seriously. Also, some well respected designers have chosen to sit this one out. (including Rachel Roy and Erin Fetherston) New York is not the only one in trouble, Alexander McQueen announced they will not be showing at Paris Fashion week this season. However H&M will…


When You’re One Size to Big: Shopping for XXL T-shirts

Old Navy Tee size XXL

Shopping for clothes can be a challenge when you’ve got a beefy body, myself included. I’m not big enough for Casual Male but I’m also at the edge of mall sizes. When I say mall sizes I’m referring to the quasi standardized sizing in most mass market retail mall stores. (Gap, J Crew, Macy’s etc) I usually wear an XL or XXL t-shirt depending on the store. A lot of my friends have expressed the same frustration because they are looking for cute t-shirts but find it difficult to find ones that fit. Having so many friends ask for help made me think there’s probably a lot more of my readers with the same problem. The Gay Gasp is here to help.

Before I go any further, I should give you some background info on myself to help you better understand my recommendations. I’m 5-11 and 275lbs, I wear waist size 38-40 depending on the store. I prefer t-shirts more fitted rather then over sized and my pants are always under my belly (not over). With that out of the way, here are tips for finding clothes that are beefy friendly: 

Old Navy Tee Size XXL bought same day

Try It On Whenever Possible– Trying a shirt on in the store can make a huge difference. Stores that sell more expensive and higher quality clothes generally have more uniform sizing. Bargain stores however can have a huge fluctuation within the same store. Old Navy is infamous for this. Within the last year, Old Navy’s t-shirt selection has improved with more fun graphic tee options but the sizes are still all over the place. As you can see from my pictures, I bought these two shirts on the same day from the same Old Navy store. The first XXL fits perfectly while the dark gray one is like an over sized tent. Try it on. Trying on a shirt in store can also help even when the shirt doesn’t fit. It gives you a good idea of what size you really need if they have extended sizes online. For example, the XXL may fit perfectly through the shoulders and chest but it’s simply to short. Then you can look online for and XXL Tall on their website.

Try Something New– Go into stores you’ve never shopped at before. I was out shopping for t-shirts with my boyfriend yesterday and he wanted to go into Haggar. I’ve always seen Haggar stores but I’ve never felt the need to go into one before. I was pleasantly surprised to see they have pretty decent clothes. The store’s vibe was definitely business casual with kahki’s and solid color polos lining the walls so it’s not the best place to look for casual tees. Over all I gave it a thumbs up though. It just proves that sometimes it’s a good idea to go outside your comfort zone. If nothing else, going into a foreign store may just re-enforce your choice of a favorite store.

Shop Online– It’s a necessary evil. I wish there were more sizes available in stores but the fact is most stores only go up to sized XL. American Eagle and Banana Republic are good examples of stores that have a good selections of Big and Tall sizes on their website. If you’re like me and you’re right on the cusp of sizes this is a great option if you need that next size up. If you’ve never order something from for a site before always check their return policy first. For example American Eagle lets you return online orders in store. If you’re really nervous about your first e-commerce purchase, buy something as a test. Look for super cheap clearance shirt if possible to test out the ordering process and size. If it doesn’t fit at least you haven’t wasted a lot of cash.

You’re Going to Have to Spend More Money– We’re fat and our clothes cost more. Its sad but true. I’ve noticed a lot of my friends want cute stylish clothes, in a physical store, for bargain basement prices. I’m sorry life isn’t that perfect and usually something has to give. The best way to get the shopping trifecta is to find a garment on sale. However you can’t always count on a stores having the shirt you want in your size at 50% off. I was a retail store manager for many years and here’s a secret, stores get the biggest volume of sizes medium and large. There is usually a very limited amount of the largest and smallest sizes. If you wait for it to go on sale, it may be gone. (Probably because I came in after you and snatched the last XL up at full price. lol) You’re other option is to shop at more expensive stores. As I mentioned earlier, Banana Republic has a great selection of Big and Tall sizes (XXL shirts and 42 waist pants/shorts) but their average price point is a lot higher then Old Navy or Marshalls.

Shop at Outlets– This is probably the best advice I can give. A lot of outlet store’s have sizes that are a little more generous. J Crew and Gap outlets both go up to XXL for shirts. Plus you get the added benefit of discounted prices. I should also clear up one common misconception, outlets stores usually carry their own specific line of merchandise. They are not designed as a dumping ground for old or damage merchandise. I shop at outlets whenever possible.

General Information:

Stores to look for- Macy’s, Polo Ralph Lauren (in store, outlet and online), Kohl’s (I don’t shop there but a lot of my friend’s have had success), Old Navy, American Eagle, American Eagle online, Gap Outlet, J Crew Outlet (specifically for cute and soft XXL tshirts), Haggar (good for work attire), Target, and Lacoste Outlet.

Stores to avoid- H&M (expect for suspenders and underwear), Hollister, Abercrombie and Fitch, Banana Republic in store, Express Men, Walmart (purely for their bad quality), Aeropostale.

One last note. Right now it’s February and if you’re searching for clothes you should know one important fact. This is the retail crap in-between season. There are still andom winter items out and only a trickle of the summer selection is available. It’s a mish mosh of boring. Come March, April, and May there will be much more (and better) items to choose from.

Happy Shopping!


I Don’t Hate Beyonce

This Sunday is the 47th annual Super Bowl and I don’t know anything about football. Its the one sport that I never learned. Therefore as you can image, I care absolutely nothing about the game except for the half time show. This year Beyonce will be booty shaking her way across the field. I’ve always liked Beyonce and I was a huge Destiny’s Child fan. I remember seeing Destiny’s Child in concert during the TRL World Tour with Jessica Simpson as an opening act. Say My Name and Crazy in Love are great songs and the video for Single Ladies was a career defining moment.

Despite her impressive career, she has come under fire lip syncing at the inauguration. I don’t care that she wasn’t singing live but now she’ll have all eyes and ears locked waiting for a hint of a anything other then live. Honestly I wouldn’t be offended if she lip synced again. When I think of Beyonce, dancing and performing is what comes to mind first. Not vocal strength. She has a good voice, but it’s not GREAT. Whenever she tries to show off her vocal talent it always sounds likes she’s raspy and straining. She has a really good voice for a dancer and performer. However, if we were evaluating her just on voice talent she would get a B+. Christina Aguilera and Adele have much stronger pipes. Mariah Carey’s voice was amazing but it hasn’t stood the test of time and life. Beyonce serves up dancing and an amazing stage show so I can giver her a pass on singing live. Now if Adele was performing, I’d give her shit for lip syncing. Adele’s voice is her whole act. Her stage performances consist of standing still in front of the mic. That’s totally cool because she makes up for it with that voice. If you think of it, the better someone’s voice is the less they move on stage. Can you ever remember Whitney Houston doing choreography? I rather have Beyonce shaking her hips and twisting her wrist to Single Ladies over a lifeless performance of Ave Maria.

On a side note: I’ll enjoy Beyonce’s performance but I doubt she can top last year’s epic show given by Madonna. I was so excited to see Madonna and she delivered on all points. Plus her performance was the highest rated Super Bowl half time show EVER!! FOREVER EVER!