A Guide to Hook Ups

I’ve had my share of hook ups. Although there are nights I’d like to forget, overall most of the time they’ve been loads of fun. I wanted to pass along what I’ve learned so I’ve compiled a list of the tips and tricks I’ve learned along the way.

1. Leave any non-sex-necessities in the car. Yes theft may be a risk, but a bigger hazard is your own forgetfulness. In the rush to get dressed and get out it’s very easy to forget personal items like your watch, glasses, or phone. Best to only bring your keys.

2. Be warned, if a guy is heavily into poppers… it’s going to take a lot for him to cum.

3. If you’ve never met or had sex with him, don’t drive more then a half hour for a hook up. Worse case scenario: he’s ugly and can’t get hard. Now on top of your shitty night you have a long drive home. Don’t do it!

4. No pictures = he’s ugly. Trust me, this is always true.

5. When a guy is coming over (this works for any company) txt him a picture of the outside of your house or apartment building. GPS is great but it always helps to have a visual reference.

6. If you show up and it’s an instant NO, be honest and leave. No need to waste each others time.

7. When you’re about to cum, let him know. If he’s cum shy he can move out of the way. If he’s a cum pig he can get his mouth closer. It’s also helpful if you’re not a huge cummer. Have you ever been having sex with someone and thought to yourself, “Did he cum? Was that it? Should I keep going?”

8. Keep bottled water in the fridge. A cold bottle is a nice thank you gift after a guy has just coated your throat.

9. There’s still a surprisingly large group of closeted married men who want their dick sucked. There no advice here… just an FYI.

10. The later and hornier it gets, the lower your standards sink. This has been termed the Bad Decision Bear. The BDB takes over and you end up fucking an ugly troll because he’s the only one who said yes at 1am on a Tuesday. Don’t have instant sex regret. (The cure for the Bad Decision Bear is jerking off and going to bed)

P.S. The pic is from Tumblr and I don’t know who it is. Although I still want to bury my face and tongue is beefy ass.

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