Gay Gasp’s Guide to Life

 Here are 10 tips and tricks to help make your life better:

1. A bear paw has five ‘fingers’ and a dog paw has 4. Pay attention the next time you’re buying bear paraphernalia (or getting a tattoo). I’ve noticed mistakes.

2. I’m over the big bushy hipster beard. Trim that shit.

3. Don’t be a Facebook Lurker. A lurker is someone who’s always on Facebook but never posts anything. They may hit the ‘like’ button or check in every once and a while but the last real status update was in April. Lurkers are a waste of space that feed off of other people’s lives. I understand if work is particularly busy or if you are away on vacation but there is no excuse for consistent lack participation over a long period of time. Lurkers are useless. If you don’t want people to know you’re business get the fuck off Facebook.

4. 90% of the time you shouldn’t use ‘Reply All’ when sending an email
5. Be there for your close friends when it counts. You may have ups and downs with certain friends but there are some life events that negate anything else. Death of a parent is one of those situations. I don’t care what bullshit you have going on, step up and be a true friend. Go to the funeral, send flowers, or at least a message on Facebook. Do something. Believe me they will notice when you don’t.
6. Don’t add people to random groups on Facebook without asking. Suddenly I’m a member of Jack’s Broadway Bunch. WTF?
7. The next time you’re at a busy bar on a hot summer’s day play a Christmas song on the Jukebox. My suggestion is “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey. It will make everyone laugh and it’s also a really good song. *I have to give Russell and his roommate John credit for this one, they did it first*
8. Night time pool parties are a thousand times better then day time pool parties. Just an observation. Plan accordingly.
9. One of my new favorite stores is Home Goods. There is a nice one here in Dallas that is kept very neat and clean. Yes there is a lot of tchotchke junk but you can find some great deals. I got a lamp for only $18 and an end table for $20.
10. When your family comes to visit and stay over remember the following:
Will they be using the shower?
Hide shower shot’s and other douching aids
Will they be using your computer/iPad?
Move or hide your naked pictures
Will they be alone at your home while you’re at work?
Secure dildos, drugs, and Flesh lights

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