The Harem Effect (Part 2)

I occurred to me after reading my post “The Harem Effect” that I didn’t go into enough detail. I felt a follow up was needed to make a couple points clear.

First, a harem isn’t common. I’ve seen it happen a lot at bear events when there are huge numbers of people in a hormone filled environment. I remember once when two chubby boys where making out and there was a harem of on lookers practically creaming their pants. I also tend to notice it with one friend in particular. Looking through his FB pics actually gave me the idea for this post. His harem has more to do with age, although size is a factor. Young and old in a symbiotic cum filled arrangement. From what I can tell everyone involved seems to like the arrangement or at least they look like their having a good time.

In my previous post I used the ‘King Chub’ example so for our purposes I’ll continue to call the center of the harem the King. But let me be clear, the king can be young, old, chubby, skinny, tall or short. I just assumed the chub-chaser example would be one a lot of my readers could identify with. There is no one common type of harem. Also to clarify, a harem is not a organized arrangement. It happens due to the circumstances of the evening. Once the sun comes up the harem is filter back to normal life.

Although I’ve never been in a true harem, I can relate a tiny bit. From my experience, if you are in the harem you are just happy to be there. The king is so special that you’ll put up with a lot just for the chance to get a piece of the action. As far as the King goes, it’s easy to understand how great it feels to have a bunch of hotties at your beck and call. I also imagine that in everyday life, the king rarely gets that kind of attention. Either that or everyone involved is just horny and looking to fuck. Maybe the king is a pig bottom who only wants a gang bang?

I also realized that I may have come off as judgy in my first post when that wasn’t my intent. I’m all for harems. If you can get a bunch of hot guys to fawn over you for the night, I say more power to you. If you find a guy so amazing that he’s worth fawning over, then fawn away. For your own sake I hope you at least get a load of cum to swallow at the end of the night though. A good boy or king deserves his reward.

The Harem Effect

What’s your type? As in what type of man are you attracted to. In my case I consider my type to be a general preference rather then a steadfast rule. However some people have a type that’s etched in stone. So predictable that you can pick potential tricks out of the crowd and score 100%. Types can include: hairless asians, firm bellies, young and hung, young and chubby, white boy next door, latino, barely legal twink, guidos, daddy bears, and of course midgets. Some guys go after partners that look exactly like themselves while others are attracted to their opposite. Fat and skinny, young and old etc. In these yin and yang cases I’ve noticed the phenomena of the harem. It’s best described by example: We have all been out when you see a gaggle of gays walk in. Upon further inspection you notice that one of them is the obvious ‘center of attention’ and everyone one else just buzzes around. (aka minions, groupies) The straight world equivalent would be Hugh Hefner and is 10 barbie look-a-like girlfriends. In my world, most often you’ll see a king chub surrounded by his harem of eager chasers. (There’s probably porn with the same story line) Side note: If you want to play a fun game, get everyone drunk and sit back and watch the harem fight for the attention of their master. HI-Larious! I’ve always tended to notices harems when there are obvious physical differences. However the phenomena may be more common. If you think about it, a group of steroid muscle bears could easily be a harem but when the master looks exactly like his minions it’s a lot harder to pick out.


The Dallas Top Ten

Where have I been and what have I been up to? I wanted to take some time and get a little personal and give you the 411 on my life in Dallas so far. If you are new to my blog or blissfully living under a rock, about 2 months ago I moved from Connecticut to Texas. And it’s worth mentioning I’m not one of those people who constantly moves from coast to coast every couple of years. Life in Dallas is new and exciting. I won’t bore you with every little detail…but here are the highlights. The Dallas Top Ten:

1. A few people warned me that Dallas was bitchy. I’ve found quit the opposite to be true. Everyone has been very friendly and welcoming.

2. A shout out needs to go to Brendan (aka Bubbles) who has been a great friend by introducing me around town to a lot of people. I can tell the whole town really loves him. Big hugs to Bubbles! The best of Brenden: “She named her pussy Rihanna because she likes to get it beat up!”

3. I met my first Gay Gasp reader who was not a friend from Facebook. Hey Jay! (It should be mentioned that we’ve since become FB friends) Also, his partner Stephen has the greatest French accent.

4. I have a crush a boy. Believe me when I tell you I’m not known for having a successful love life. Sex has always come easy but romance not so much. We were introduced very briefly at TBRU this year and re-met at the local cowboy bar in town once I moved. I won’t bore you with the mushy details except to say that he makes me smile in every possible way. He plays sports and has a not-so-secret love for show tunes. To say he’s hot is an understatement and he looks shockingly cute in every picture ever taken of him. Seriously!?! You are so photogenic ;-D

5. One of the things I love about Dallas is that the bars are filled when I go out on the weekends. Even on Show Tune Tuesday at Woody’s there was a decent crowd. Dallas readers won’t understand what I’m talking about. But my Connecticut crew knows that if you go to Frank’s Place in New London on a Saturday, you’ll be drinking with a ragged drag queen and a spunky lesbian.

6. Work, work work work work. I really like my new job. No more talking to customers all day long. No more talking to customers ever. Mostly my job consists of a lot of clerical and computer work. Thumbs up!

7. Having nothing to do with anything: I realized an odd fact the other day. When I drove here from Connecticut I passed over the Mississippi River and missed it. When I say I missed it I mean I didn’t realize it at the time. I would have totally stopped and taken a picture. (Instagram!) How could I have missed it?

8. Dallas gives off a great first impression. I’m consistently surprised by how polite and friendly everyone is to one another. Like everywhere Texas has different clicks, but none of the them hate each other. Or if there is hatred, it’s kept quiet and covered in a polite Hello. When I first got here there where only a couple people I knew. From what I knew of them I didn’t think they would get along very well. Much to my surprise the general reaction was, “Oh yeah I know him, he’s a great guy.” I’ve been told that my newness has a lot to do with it. Everyone assures me that this is a false impression and the cracks will begin to show. I’m not so sure though… I suspect what they consider bitchy and hatefully is a warm conversation between friends in New England. How many times have I been at Tommys when there is open hostility in the room. I mean who can forget Stamford Steve’s famous tirade to Fruitloop? (if you weren’t there it went something like this: “I can’t stand you, and for the next hour I’m going to list all the reason’s why.”)

9. I really miss all my friends in Connecticut although I don’t miss Connecticut the state yet. I love the place I’m in but I want the old crew. My dream come true would be if everyone from CT decided to move to Dallas!!!! So all you Connecticut readers… start looking for jobs and apartments now. Ha! In reality, what I see happening is that if I stay in Dallas I’ll just fly home a lot for quick visits. In a related note I signed up for United Airlines’ frequent flier program.

10. Minor Dallas Observations: They still use styrofoam, recycling hasn’t caught on, I can’t find Margarine in a tub, pool parties are a way of life here, every tv show is on an hour earlier, and there are dozens of other fast food choices (Chick-fil-a, Church’s, Jack n the Box, In and Out Burger, Whataburger etc)

*A side note on the photo: It has nothing to do with anything. I’ve had it saved more over a year hoping to work it into a post and I’ve never been able to. Just enjoy it in all it’s randomness.

The Greatest Stories Ever Told

I’m starting a mini-series of the funniest stories I’ve ever heard or been a part of. For the first installment I’ll start with one of the more recent escapades. Picture it, Mystic 2011. It was the 4th of July and a party was in full bloom: As it was tradition,everyone descended on Casa de GPS for the annual summer bash. Food and alcohol were flowing as everyone swam naked in the pool. As night fell everyone remarked at what a drama-free soiree it had been. Little did they know the night was just getting started. Apparently someone who was a “friend of a friend” took it upon themselves to try and steal 2 Apple laptops. He did this by dropping a backpack containing the lifted electronics out a second story window. (The merchandise was later found in the bushes)

The attempted robbery was not even the most memorable part of the evening. Because Mystic is out of the way and everyone drinks beyond their limits, it is also tradition for everyone to sleep over. The next morning more trainwreck tails reveled themselves. Apparently during the night one overly intoxicated guest got up to take a piss while he was sleeping outside in a tent. In his drunken stooper he must have gotten lost because he ended up pissing on his fellow tent-mate. Luckily said tent-mate was into watersports so it wasn’t a total loss. Again, not the most memorable part of the evening though…

The detail of what happened next are still in question. Here is what we know: At some point during the night another guest got up to use the bathroom. This time instead of a toilet this guest decided to take a shit in the garage. Yes, you read that correctly. He shit in the garage. To be more specific his explosive shit got on the hood of the car, sink, and secondary fridge. That is what we know. What we can’t figure out is how and why? The location of the explosion is literally 5 feet away from a bathroom. Even with the benefit of the doubt, lets say the bathroom was taken or unusable for some reason. The garage is also 5 steps away from an outside door. If such an emergency occurred, why not at least go outside in the bushes? What bad decision lead him to think the garage floor was his best option?

It has never been confirmed who the shitter was but everyone has their suspicions. Someone supposedly confessed but I’m not sure I believe it. I think the false confession was a trick to deflect the blame. So the next time you get to drunk at a party and have your own trainwreck moment hold your head high and tell yourself “At least I didn’t shit in the garage.”


Up Coming Stories include: Funeral Sex, Disney, and Finding Nemo.

In the News

Polo Ralph Lauren has designed the Olympic opening ceremony outfits for the past several years. However the designer is coming under fire when it was discovered that this year’s designs were manufactured in China. That’s a PR mess. Lauren released a statement promising that next year all Olympic clothing with be American made. The other problems is that the outfits are slightly ridiculous looking. I wonder if Polo’s inspiration was a 1940’s European Homosexual?
Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are leaving American Idol. *Yawn* The rumored replacements are Miley Cyrus, Mariah Carey, and Adam Lambert. Mariah would be great and bring up bat-shit crazy, Miley is an idiot who talks like a man, and Adam… he didn’t even win his season?!?!
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have reached a divorce settlement after only 11 days. That’s shockingly quick for anyone much less a huge Hollywood star. The quick agreement proves two points: 1. Katie must have some GOOD SHIT on Tom. It’s probably crazier then anything we can think of!!  Like Michael Jackson level crazy. 2. Tom Cruise is smart. He knows that Katie could open the flood gates so he did the smart thing made it go away quickly and quietly. Lesson: When you have secrets, throw buckets of cash at it to make it go away.
Sylvester Stallone’s son was found dead of a drug overdose. No commentary on this one, just forwarding the information.
Scientists have finally seen promising results with a HIV/AIDS vaccine that could be available as early as 2019. I can’t and won’t try go into detail, so for more information visit Yahoo News: AIDS Vaccine Within Reach.
I still HATE It feels like I’m shopping at a flea market.


Oxy, Meth, Pot, Booze, Cigarettes, Heroine, Ecstasy, Ketamine, Uppers, Downers… iPhone?

The theme song for this post is You’re the Worst Thing for Me by DJ Irene

I don’t consider myself as someone who has an addictive personality but there are several things I can’t live without. Number one on my list is my phone. You can live a long and happy life without ever touching an iPhone but once your finger slides that unlock key get ready for the addiction to take over. I discovered just how obsessed I was this past week at work while processing some extensive but mindless attorney bills. Repetitive mindless computer tasks are the easiest way to fall asleep and having Rihanna playing in my ear was key to keeping me awake. Also during mini breaks, I was able Text, Facebook, Instagram, Growlr, Twitter, and Let’s just say by the time I got home my battery was at about 20%. It’s genius is it’s simplicity and easy of use. It puts information at your finger tips. Let’s say you want to see a movie, just tap the Flixster app and it will show you movie theaters and times in your local area. I’ve become so reliant on it that I really don’t know of another way to look up movie times. Here’s another scenario: you’re on a trip in a hotel starving for some dinner but you’re to tired to go out. Open the Domino’s app and after a couple finger taps you have a freshly made pizza delivered to your door. (I’ve used that app more then I thought I would) And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the wonderfullness that is Tumblr.

I first got an iPhone about 3 years ago when I was a unhappy Sprint customer who was ready to jump ship. At the time Droids and iPhones were almost the exact same price. In the end, I decided to go with the Apple because if I was going to spend all that money I wanted to real deal and not an impostor. Droids are wanna-be iPhones. Apple did it first and did it the best leaving droids behind to play catch up.

Obviously the iPhone is not my only vise.
-One could make the case that shopping is one of my addictions. Although I would laugh at and say, “I can stop anytime I want…”
-I’ve been addicted to a person. It’s rare but when you meet someone so intoxicating and charismatic you’ll completely understand.

What are you addicted to?

Turn Off- Bad Attitudes

I did some digging to bring example of what not to put in your Growlr profile. However, I’m happy to report that it was hard finding examples of bad profiles. It wasn’t impossible but it was hard. For the most part, most guys choose to leave their profile’s pretty blank and I totally support that. It’s better to say nothing then say something stupid. During my investigation I decided to include a couple a good profiles to show how easy it can be to put your best foot forward. So enjoy some good, some bad, and some stupid profiles.
BAD: Be careful with loading up with all
negatives.Starting out with Turn offs can
be a turn off.
BAD: This is very taste specific. One in a
hundred guys may find it charming. The rest
will roll their eyes and move on.
GOOD: This is a great example of say what
you like instead of being negative. ‘I like big
boys’ is better then ‘No twinks.’
BAD: This one speak for itself. Is there
any question who the bitchy douche is?
GOOD: Short yet descriptive. He gets extra
points for being upfront with his relationship
BAD: If your going to be offensive at
least spell it correctly. Really dude?
GOOD: Short and simple. If you don’t have
much to say don’t force it.
BAD: The text of this profile is ok. It lands
on the bad list because the full length is 2
screens long. Stop typing!

A couple general tips:
– Bad attitudes aren’t a turn on to anyone, you do not need to specify that it’s a turn off.
– You’re going to get messages from people you’re not attracted to. Deal with it. You can fill your profile with all the Do’s and Don’ts but the creepers with still sneak through.