I’ve got a long list of things to get done before I leave for Dallas. One of my bullet points is cleaning out my Facebook friend’s list. I’m not trying to burn bridges (contrary to popular belief) but regardless of the move it’s time to do some purging. As I was looking through my list I started to notice some trends and similarities. Here is what I came up with. What type of friend are you?
The A Team: These are the guys and gals who have been there for you best and worst moments. True friendship that will last even if you move to Texas.
The FILF: (friend I’d like to fuck) We’ve all hit the friend request button based only on a cute picture. Does it matter that he lives in Seattle? No. Does it matter that you’ve never talked to him before? No. He’s hot and you want to see him naked. Maybe the only reason he’s on your friends list is because he has a huge cock and you want to keep the option open for a future fuck. That’s all that matters. Hell, I tested the theory and got 100 friends using a picture of an unknown hottie I found online. Fact: Sexiness gets you places in life.
Family: Short and simple. Family members on Facebook. If you have kids I recommend not being their friend. Otherwise it’s almost impossible to ignore the friend request of a cousin, aunt, or brother.
Friend-In-Law: These are your friend’s boyfriends. Picture it: One of your (legitimate) friends asks you to come have dinner with him and his new boyfriend. It may be his true love or it may just the most recent freak of the week. Either way you leave the restaurant with a new friend request waiting in your inbox. Of course you accept because it would be rude not to… and of course when they break up a week later you’re stuck with him and his constant calorie intake updates.
The B Squad: The bulk of your friends list is probably made up by the B Squad. They are fun people who you genuinely like but for one reason or another you’re just not that close to them. This list includes bear event friendships, friends who work crazy hours and good old fashion shut-ins. When you’re making plans for Saturday night they don’t always get a phone call but you’re glad when you run into them at the local bar.
Polite Friends: This can also be a large group. These are the people who aren’t very important but it would make life awkward if you defriended them. A lot of work colleges, neighbors, and old classmates usually fall into this group. Coincidentally this group also tends to have the most security settings and blocks on Facebook. Sally the receptionist doesn’t need to see the photo from your winning moment on underwear night.
WAY Friends: (Who are you?) They may only be a small handful, but when you scroll through your friends list you’re surprised to see their picture. You stop for a moment and think, Who are you ? Maybe he was friends with that guy you dated for week last summer or maybe he’s a FILF who’s gotten ugly.