It’s Not Easy Being Beautiful

Dear Darren Criss,
At 25, you’re a talented actor who’s full of hipster charm. You seem so cute and likable. However there is a problem we can’t continue to ignore. You’re weight is not acceptable. You need to gain at least 50lbs and 100lbs would be even better. Starting tomorrow you need a much more aggressive diet and exercise routine. If you need help I’d be happy to coach you through… but it won’t be easy! There’s going to be temptation around every corner. All your Glee friends will try and pressure you into eating horrible endive salads and soy protein shakes. JUST SAY NO! The corner stones of your new life are baked mac&cheese, beef, french fries and cookies. Cocktails help and dessert is required. Ice cream is perfect summer time treat. I know exercise is hard to ignore but the couch is your new treadmill. Episodes of The Golden Girls and Rupaul’s Drag Race are integral to preventing physical activity. Success will start to show when get cast in a stoner comedy or in a Kevin James bio pic.
Yours Truly
The Gay Gasp
P.S. If you could also pass this along to Seth Rogan that’d be great.
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