Move Over

Sorry I haven’t updated in a while. But trust me I’ve been busy. I leave for Dallas in 31 Days. In those 31 days I have a lot to do and get done. Number one on my list is finding a place to live. At work, I’ve been spending every free second trolling all the apartment websites I can find. My job is in Richardson about a 1/2 hour (with no traffic) from the Gayborhood. I’d like to live downtown with the gays but it’s a nudge out of my price range. Therefore I started to focus my search half way between work and fun. Coincidentally that happens to put me right near the Northpark mall, home to Burberry, Valentino and West Elm! How could a girl go wrong? As it turns out, that’s also a very high crime area. Luckily my friend Brendon told that I might want to steer clean of that section of town. After his advise I started to look on which was both a blessing and a curse. There were so many bad reviews I had to at one point just stop reading and ban myself from the site. It was doing more harm then good.

So my budget is going has to stretch to get something nicer and safer. Even more reason why I want to see these places in person. I was able to find a cheap last minute flight out of Logan on Spirit Airline. Granted the flight home is the red eye which leaves at 1:10 am Sunday morning. It looks like I won’t be sleeping Saturday night. *Side Bar: I didn’t know the airport was open at 1 am.*  While I’m in town I’m going to try and squeeze in as much as possible. It will also give me a chance to scout out complexes that don’t have a strong online presence. So far I taken two tours and done two drive-bys. The first drive by was a shit hole and the second was a beautiful building but not the section of town I wanted. Tomorrow I’m going to drive to my new office and check out the commute and more apartments on the out skirts of town. I’m trying to take a lot of pictures too!

My next big task is to figure out and decide how to actually move. My decision is tricky because I really don’t own that much furniture or substantial items. The only large items I own are my mattress, a very large mirror, and tv cabinet. The mirror and cabinet are both from Ikea and can be repurchased for a total of $200. The mattress is the only large item of value. I don’t own a sofa so I would have to purchase one once I get to Dallas regardless of which moving option I choose.

Option One: Rent a Uhaul trailer and tow it with my car when I drive to Texas.
Pro- Able to bring more with me including (possibly) my mattress.
Con- Towing a trailer requires a hitch to be installed on my car. Plus the added stress and gas when actually making the drive.
Cost: Approximately $800-$1000 + the cost of a sofa

Option Two: Rent a Uhaul Truck to drive to Texas, have my Dad drive my car.
Pro- Able to bring anything and everything I want
Con- High cost and forcing my Dad to make the cross country drive
Cost- $1700 + the cost of a sofa

Option Three: Only take what can fit in my car and buy the rest when I arrive.
Pro- Less hassle when making the 30+ hour drive. Opportunity to save money. Starting fresh.
Con- Having to buy a lot when I arrive. Having to leave a lot behind.
Cost- $800-$1200 including a sofa. But it can vary greatly depending on which mattress and sofa I choose.

I’m leaning toward option three which offers the best stress vs cost equation.

I Hate You

I’m taking a break for my moving hysteria to focus on one of my passions. Hating meaningless celebrities. My friends always laugh when I have very strong opinions about trivial matters. It’s true, I can get very passionate about a cupcake topping or a parking garage. Yet politics and thing that matter generally don’t interest me. Voting for the city councilmen or the latest tax referendum…yawn. The most common targets of my trivial hatred are celebrities. A good example is Meg Ryan. I can’t pin point it, but for some reason she’s gotten on my nerves for years. I was elated years back when she cheated on her then husband Dennis Quad because it finally gave me a legitimate reason to hate her. *Side Bar: If I was presented with the opportunity to fuck Russell Crowe, I would have done the same damn thing.* But I still hate her.  In more recent years my hatred of Meg has died down to almost nothing. She’s done enough to ruin her face and career on her own without needing my voodoo dolls. It seems like a waste to hate someone so pathetic. I rather focus my energies on more important assholes like Billy Bush. Billy Bush (of Access Hollywood) is such a douche! He should team up with Nicolas Cage and go on a promotional tour for Summer’s Eve. I really can’t verbalize why… but I can’t stand them.

On the flip side, there are celebrities who I adore: Wendy Williams, Joan Rivers and Alec Baldwin.

Lead Change

I’m moving! This began back in March when I posted for an internal promotion. The day I returned home from TBRU, I had a job interview in Hartford for a Claims Specialist position. (I work in insurance) The interview seemed to go well but they hired someone else with more experience. I was disappointed but I thought this may be a good time to consider looking for jobs outside of Connecticut. One problem about insurance in Connecticut is that there are a lot of insurance companies, a lot of insurance professionals and therefore a lot of competition for jobs. My original plan was to move to the other call center in Houston. I’d be able to keep my current job and just move locations. It was the easiest option but I wasn’t jazzed about Houston. I decided to also search for jobs in Dallas, Atlanta, and Boston. I also started the ball rolling at work when I asked my boss what the process was for transferring to another call center. That was probably the biggest step I took in the whole process. Once I asked her about moving things seemed to fall into place quickly. She gave me the good advice to email the hiring manager in Hartford and see if she could put in a good word for me in one of the other claim offices. I sent her that email last Friday 4/13/12 and exactly one week later I had a job offer in Dallas. I was stunned by how quickly everything happened. I started the process now because I assumed it would take months and months for everything to fall into place. I feel bad because I didn’t give people much notice. Honestly I never thought it would happen this fast.
There are two major reasons why I’m moving. The first reason is simple: Winter. I hate winter, I hate snow, I hate it! I’ve lived in New England all my life and have never developed a love for the white stuff. That’s why when I started to look at new cities I wanted to focus my search on a warmer climate. The second reason takes a bit more explaining… I’m sick of Connecticut! Like I said I’ve lived in CT my whole life and I feel like I can officially check it off my list. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Every weekend is that same mundane bar with the same people. Although it was fun once, it’s gotten tired and routine. Everyone always complains about the bar, the people, the service yet they continue to come back because they have no other place to go. I hate the lack of options in Connecticut. One of my favorite quotes is from Albert Einstein, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” That pretty much sums it up. I’m not happy with my current situation and that’s why I’m changing things up. It’s a way to change my environment and exfoliate some of my bullshit problems.
Finally, I’ve made many wonderful friends here and moving won’t change that. If we are friends living a hour away, we’ll still be friend living a 4 hour plane ride away. Facebook has made everything virtual and we can keep in touch like I was just down the road. Plus now you have a reason to come visit and go underwear shopping!

In the News

After 7 years and a litter of kids, Brad and Angelina are finally engaged. Yawn.

Last year John Galliano was fired from Dior for making antisemitic remarks. Dior has finally found a replacement in Raf Simons who was the head designer for Jill Sander.

For fans of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, Sheree got the axe. Reports say she was fired after a recent Bravo taping of Watch What Happens Live.

Simon Cowell announced that Britney Spears will be the new judge on the X Factor. There was been a public guessing game trying to figure out which pop diva would replace Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger. Mariah Carey and Janet Jackson were some of the rumored possibilities. Janet would’ve been as boring as beige paint because she has absolutely no personality. On a side note: It’s funny how as the year go by all the Jackson ’s look more and more alike. Not due to genetics but from an overdose of the same plastic surgery. Anyhow, let’s get back to Britney. Her team negotiated her a $15 million pay day in addition to a producer credit for her boyfriend. Sorry JLo, you’re no longer the top dog on reality TV. The big question that remains is Will she be any good? I’ve never watched the X Factor but it takes a specific kind of personality to be a good reality show judge. Brit needs to either give insightful advice based on knowledge and skill OR give us bat shit crazy. Let’s be honest, her only hope is bat shit crazy. I picture her giving critiques with Dr. Phil style colloquialisms, “You sound sweeter then a junebug on the veranda of my Grammy’s house.”

Facebook put in a bid to buy Instagram for $1 Billion. In case you’ve been living under a rock, Instagram is a favorite photo sharing app that was named the Number 1 App of 2011 by Apple. The news of the buy out came just as Instagram was being released to the Droid network. Critics speculate that Facebook was worried about competition. Instagram is only available on smartphones and has thrived on it’s mobile platfrom. Mobility continues to be a problem for Facebook as they try to streamline their app while somehow adding in advertising. Personally I think the sudden bid makes FB look a little desperate especially when they paid double what the company was said to be worth. (Instagram had previously been valued at $500 Million while still only having 13 employees) The LA Times did a short but good article on the subject.  

It’s Not Easy Being Beautiful

Dear Darren Criss,
At 25, you’re a talented actor who’s full of hipster charm. You seem so cute and likable. However there is a problem we can’t continue to ignore. You’re weight is not acceptable. You need to gain at least 50lbs and 100lbs would be even better. Starting tomorrow you need a much more aggressive diet and exercise routine. If you need help I’d be happy to coach you through… but it won’t be easy! There’s going to be temptation around every corner. All your Glee friends will try and pressure you into eating horrible endive salads and soy protein shakes. JUST SAY NO! The corner stones of your new life are baked mac&cheese, beef, french fries and cookies. Cocktails help and dessert is required. Ice cream is perfect summer time treat. I know exercise is hard to ignore but the couch is your new treadmill. Episodes of The Golden Girls and Rupaul’s Drag Race are integral to preventing physical activity. Success will start to show when get cast in a stoner comedy or in a Kevin James bio pic.
Yours Truly
The Gay Gasp
P.S. If you could also pass this along to Seth Rogan that’d be great.

Joe: A User’s Guide

When I was a Store Manager at Oakley they gave me personality assessment from Insight Discovery program (based on the work of Carl Jung). What was great about the evaluation was that I received a booklet outlining all my strengths and opportunities. A user’s guide to me. I dug out the booklet last night and thought I’d share some of the findings with you. *Just a note, All of the below comes from the evaluation and note my own opinion.
Overview and Personal Style: ‘The Supporter’
Joe is a well of warmth and support, but may be very reserved until he has broken the ice. One of his strengths is an ability to let others work at their own pace coupled with awareness of the unique contribution each person makes. Normally a flexible and open minded person, he may dig in his heels to defend something he believes in and that is being threatened. He may benefit from taking a step back to consider the cause and effect of his actions, and practice becoming more tough minded. Making a list and prioritizing goals each day can help him overcome his casual approach to life.
Joe’s easy going exterior may mask a rather more compulsive interior. His modest manner can restrain him from pushing himself forward and this occasionally results in him being under-valued. Loving and unselfconscious, he may lack a clear sense of his own identity and self worth.
Joe tends to be alert and often uncannily correct. It’s as if he has an antenna that enables him to detect dangers long before other people do. As he values his integrity, he can be determined to the point of being stubborn about issues that are important to him.
Joe tends to value others but may adopt a romantic idealized version of people and their potential. He finds it difficult to take a fixed position on issues that are not important to him. As a result, he may be seen by others as lacking conviction. He is an excellent ‘sounding board’ for others who are seeking to explore their own ideas. Although reserved on the outside, he cares deeply on the inside. Joe has a strong sense of duty and faithfulness, but little desire to impress or influence others. Above all, he is idealistic and capable of great devotion and loyalty to a valued person or cause.

-Strong sense of personal value
-Solid organizational abilities
-Relaxed about what others may think of him
-Can ‘go with the flow’ particularly where people are concerned.
-Happy to serve and help others
-Quiet and conscientious
-Can facilitate resolution of interpersonal conflict between others

-Idealizes others
-Will prefer to be reserved and distant until he gets to know someone well
-May lack objectivity, particularly where rapid change is concerned
-May get frustrated with other peoples ‘ways’
-May find it difficult to impose his will on others
-Finds it difficult to respond to aggression positively
-May be slow to express his thoughts or feelings

 to find out more visit


$50,000 Dreams

How much money would it take for you to quit your job? Everyone has dreams of holding the winning lotto ticket for a multi-million dollar fortune, but life doesn’t always work out that way. What if you won $50,000? It’s more then my current salary at work so I’d be more then easy to live work free for a year. A year without work would mean I could travel near and far without restraint. I could sip cocktails by the GPS pool or take a road trip across the country. Oh the possibilities…
But a year goes by fast and in the end I’d be out of money and out of a job. So $50,000 would not be enough to quit my (current) job. If I won a million or more I would definitely quit. No questions asked. It’s the equivalent of more then 20 years of my current salary. If I won anything under 1 million it would take a lot of thought and consideration. Although most likely I’d use it as supplemental income instead of a primary source. If I got $600,000 I could buy a nice condo in Blue Back Square but then I’d have no money for the utilities and condo fees… so work would be required. $200K would be a great way to pay for a lot of first class flights to bear runs across the country. If I had my choice, I would want to win Connecticut lotto’s Lucky for Life where they pay you $2000 a week for the rest of your life. That would be perfect! Half the money could be used for bills and practical matters while the other half could be pure fun money.
Dear God, please challenge me with these difficult choices one day. Please!  


I’m a huge supporter of therapy. At some point in life, everyone has enough issues to fill up at least one hour. It’s a great way to work through your problems with an unbiased outside source. I was having dinner with a friend  and we got on the topic when he mentioned he went to see someone recently. He said he liked her because she was a lesbian who understood some of his particular challenges. I’ve recently thought about going in for a couple sessions to work through some bitterness I’m having trouble letting go of. It’s nothing too serious but it would take a therapist a couple of hours to solve as apposed to several months and years of me doing it on my own. The problem is that everything is contingent on finding the perfect therapist. I’m hesitant to talk to a professional about it all because I don’t know if he/she will understand the unique situation and culture that I live in. Simply stated: I need a gay therapist. Don’t get me wrong I’m not embarrassed about gay bear culture, I just want someone who’s already updated on the subject so I don’t have to waste a whole session giving background information. I picture going into see a heterosexual woman and trying to explain the concept of open relationships and having casual sex on the side. Remember the last time you had to explain bear runs, chubs and triads to the middle aged mom who sits next to you at work? Yeah… just like that. Maybe I’m not giving my fictitious straight therapist enough credit, but I just get the feeling that she’d make assumptions that had nothing to do with my feelings. Has anyone else come across this problem or am I worrying to much about it? If a therapist is good they should be able to see through all the social bull shit and get to the heart of the matter regardless. Right?


Between Jerk Off Sessions…

I spent Monday and Tuesday in bed with a stomach virus. Here are the notes and observations I discovered while I convalesced:

1. A great cure for boredom is to txt me a picture of your cock. You’ll get tons of bonus points if it’s a public cock pic. There’s no joke here… just an honest request.

2. Bravo’s new show Million Dollar Listing New York features gay Swedish real estate agent Fredrik Eklund who previously starred in the gay porn classic The Hole (parody of The Ring) under the name Tagg Erikson. #Truth

3. I never knew you could send/receive a private message on Tumblr.

4. An artist needs talent and inspiration

5. Why is Jessica Simpson still famous? Her last movie and album were in 2008 and both were a bomb. Her pregnancy shouldn’t be such a big deal.

6. It’s cool if you’re into the whole subservient ‘boy’ thing. To each their own. But lets get real…If you’re on a dog leash or have someone on a dog leash it’s like wearing a big sign that screams “I’ve have issues that I don’t want to deal with in therapy”

7. I deleted #7 because it was just to bitchy… even for me.
8. The Walgreen’s generic version of Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream can’t compare with Ben and Jerry’s. However, it tastes just like the old ice cream cups they would give us in grade school. You had a choice of vanilla with chocolate or strawberry swirl and they came with a little flat wooden spoon. Remember those?

9. Some people are smart and savvy on a budget. Some people are just broke idiots.

10. I’ve been watching a lot of Designing Women reruns on the TV Guide channel. (Apparently it’s a real channel now) It’s been said before and it’s worth repeating: DW was a great show that really jumped the shark when Delta Burke left. They needed Delta Burke.

11. Reese’s peanut butter eggs are one of my favorite parts of Easter.

12. I need to clean out my closets and bring several bags of cloths to Goodwill. My rule is: It should be donated if I haven’t worn it or thought about wearing something in 1-2 years. 

13. Going to funeral services reminds me that everyone grieves in a different way. It’s also surprising who does and doesn’t show up.