Grrrr

If you follow me on Twitter you know that I never pass up the opportunity for a good sneak attack photo. So imagine my dilemma when my roommate decided to try on his new harness and jock strap in Dallas. If you were in my shoes what would you have done? Well I’m not ashamed to admit I snapped away. Later when I showed him the picture he described me better then anyone ever has:
“Joe is like a (white) tiger you bring home as a pet. He’s cute and fun to play with and everyone loves him. Then one day he rips your face off. But you really can’t get mad at him because I was your fault that you forgot he was still a tiger.”

I couldn’t have put it better myself.

Gasp!

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Is Madonna Over?

Madonna’s newest album MDNA came out yesterday to lukewarm fan fare. On iTunes none of the album’s songs were in the Top 10 and the full album came in at #2 behind Lionel Richie. Obviously it’s not going to be a runaway hit. Madonna has a unique problem. She’s the queen of pop music with a career that has spanned more then 30 years. She has success that puts her in an elite group with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and a handful of other acts. Her unparalleled success and longevity has also raised expectations to unreachable levels. I’m not going to write a boring review of the album but I am interested in everyones reaction to it. For the record, the only song I bought is Girls Gone Wild. I still haven’t listened to the rest, although that may be enough of a review right there.

I didn’t think about Madonna or MDNA yesterday unit I started to read Facebook. Everyone debated MDNA’s quality with comments ranging from “Madonna’s new album is terrible!” to “I have been a fan for over 30 years and I think the album is AMAZING!!” What was interesting is that out of nowhere someone mentioned Cyndi Lauper: “Cyndi’s all blues CD was #1 for 18 weeks last year and her dance album before that was killer.” I guess the general feeling was that Madonna was overrated while Cyndi was far underrated. I had to laugh. I’m a fan of Cyndi Lauper and I’m not knocking her, however she is NOT underrated. She is probably very appropriately rated. She’s one of those artists that will always be referred to as “critically successful.” I’ll translate: critically successful means that although the music may win awards, no one cares and no one buys it. (See also: Bon Iver and Arcade Fire) Cyndi is not overrated because she was never as successful and therefore brings low expectations. As for a #1 Blues album, I’d hardly call that a relevant success especially because all the songs were covers. And let’s get real, who was her competition on the blue’s charts? If I had all my friends buy it, I could probably release a best selling blue’s album.
Both singers exploded onto the music scene in the mid 80’s and for a while it was a close race to see who would ultimately get to the top. Unfortunately Lauper never reached the potential everyone thought she had. Once the 90’s came Madonna continued to dominate while Lauper faded away. She has continued to record albums with weak record sales. Yes she’s talented but in today’s world that’s not enough. There are plenty of talented people to outshine her. Case in point: Christina Auguilera. She’s gifted and has a powerful voice, however she was never able to outsell her less talented rival Britney Spears. 
Getting back to Madonna, if I were her record company I would have released the album the week after the Super Bowl while everyone was still buzzing about her performance. Strike while the iron’s hot. The only buzz now is that her new video was banned from Youtube. (I wouldn’t be surprised if Madge asked them to ban it as a publicity stunt) The Super Bowl was also when I started to notice the high expectations. I absolutely loved her performance and assumed everyone else did too. My sister said she was disappointed with the show. When I asked her why she simply said, “I don’t know… she’s MADONNA. I was just expecting something more.” That’s the problem in a nut shell. She’s MADONNA, we just expect more. To answer the original question, No I don’t think Madonna’s career is over. Her success is cemented regardless of what she does in the coming years. Although she may be past her prime, I’ll take past prime Madonna over critically successful Cyndi Lauper any day.
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Polka Dot Parade

The Project Runway All Stars Finale is over and done with and Mondo was crowned the winner. While I was watching the show there was one dress that I couldn’t take my eyes off of. It wasn’t one of Mondo’s winning looks nor Austin’s wedding gown. Angela Lindvall wore a black Stella McCartney polka dot dress that has been worn by half of Hollywood. The dress was first worn by Kate Winslet, who also gets points for wearing it the best (although that’s not saying much) and has since been seen on Jennifer Lopez, Susan Sarandon, and Kris Jenner. Is California having a dress shortage and there’s only one dress that gets passed around like the traveling pants? Whatever the reason, someone needs to burn this cheap looking polka dot abomination STAT! (or at the very least wear it in a different color)

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Spit Roasted and Mr. X

Sex. The best sex you’ve ever had to be more specific. While I was in Dallas for TBRU I met a guy and had great sex with him. It stood out because it was much better then I had expected. It wasn’t THE BEST, but still memorable. It also got me thinking about the best sex I’ve ever had and who it was with and why. As I starting asking around, people were getting confused so I’ll try and be as clear as possible. First think of the person with whom you’ve had the overall best sex with in general terms. You’d probably consider him your favorite sex partner and for our purposed I’ll call him Mr. X. My Mr. X is a friend who is extremely sexy physically and also has the type of personality that turns me on. He just knows how to get me going. There is no one specific time that stands out but he is by far the #1 person I jerk off thinking about. Your Mr. X may be a current boyfriend or a former roommate. When I was asking around for some informal research, one of the questions I left out was if your Mr. X is your current partner. Although the answers would be interesting, I didn’t want to cause any fights.

Now that you’ve thought of your Mr. X put his name off to the side.
Now think of the specific best sex you’ve ever had. It may be a random hook up with a stranger or a long awaited rendezvous on your honeymoon. Personally, the best sex I’ve ever had involved a random online hook up and it was a threesomes. The best way to describe it would be to use the term Spit Roasted. It’s the slang term for getting fucked while sucking someones cock. It drove me so crazy that I unexpectedly came with and physical contact with my cock. It was the first time it happened and I though I was going to piss the bed until then I realized I was cumming. It was a bit surreal. Again for the purposes of clarity I’ll refer to this sex as Situation Y.
With that said, this is where my curiosity came in. While I was being spit roasted, Mr. X was not involved. When you look back at your Mr. X, was he involved in your Situation Y?
Like I said, I did a little nonscientific research at TBRU and asked a room full of friends. It seems most of the people I asked had a similar story to mine. The person with whom they like having sex with the most (Mr. X) was not involved in the specific best time (Situation Y). I also discovered most of the ‘best time’ stories had some aspect of the being so unexpectedly good that it only added to the excitement. ‘I didn’t know my upstairs neighbor was gay much less a pig bottom.’ They also had a similar thread in that the person(s) involved fulfilled some sort of fetish or sexual preference. In my situation the guys had beefy bodies and a big juicy ass which only added to the pure satisfaction.
I found it interesting that most people (myself included) did not have the best sex of their life with the person they like having sex with the most. It stands to reason that emotional connection comes into play when you get specific people involved and the best situation was pure lust. What’s your story? Did your Mr. X also give you the best sex of your life or was it a random gentleman who blew your mind? (literally)

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Vacation Diary

Naples

I’m back from vacation and ready to jump back on the blog band wagon. The first stop on my journey was Naples Florida to visit my parents. They first went down to Florida several years ago for a week’s vacation. They fell in love with Naples and since then they have extended their stay each time. Now they are up to two months each year. I like going because it’s a very relaxing visit and a nice chance to spend some QT with mom and dad. Most of our day was spent at the beach although I’m sad to report that there was a major lack of eye candy. The one thing you should know about Naples is that it’s old person paradise. Trying to find someone under 65 is a scavenger hunt. Every so often I’d see a hot piece of man cake walk by in the sand who was obviously also visiting his parents. It’s true, at times I felt like I was Jerry Seinfeld visiting Del Boca Vista. At night the AC was set at a chilly 78 degrees as I slept in rock hard twin bed. It was a great way to relax before heading to Dallas for Texas size fun.

Cajeta

Every year on St. Patrick’s Day weekend Dallas hosts Texas Bear Round Up. I first went 5 years ago and vowed to go back. Not only did I go back, but I’ve brought more and more friends with me. This year a got there a day early which proved to be a wonderful decision. My goal for going a day early was to get some rest. As relaxing as Naples can be, I always sleep poorly due to the heat and awful bed. So when I arrived in Dallas my plan was to relax, shower, and go to bed early. I’m happy to report that I was in bed and asleep before 11:00 pm. Once Thursday rolled in all my friend started arriving. This year my roommate was my dear friend Justin. I knew if I got him down to Texas all the bears would eat him up like pudding. I had my traditional TBRU dinner at Uncle Julio’s which wouldn’t be complete without the Cajeta. [Vanilla ice cream with toasted coconut and pecans. Topped with our home-made caramel sauce and whipped cream] After dinner we headed back to the Hospitality suite where drinks flowed for free and the bears became shirtless. Also that night was the first of many pool parties. I always hit the pool parties even though critics point to the murky gray water as causing a human style Kennel Cough to all those who enter.



Big D Bear Dance

There are two parties I love the most at TBRU. First is the Friday night Big D Bear Dance held at S4. S4 is a huge two story nightclub that packs in the curvy cuties and pumps out loud dance beats. This is where I found the love of my life. Yes ladies and gentlemen I can say for the first time ever: I AM IN LOVE! Who is he? His name is the Apple Pie Shot. It was the best shot I’ve ever had and you can fall in love too. It’s as simple as Apple Shnapps, Goldschlager, and Pineapple Juice. Absolute perfection! (and it smells just like apple cider)

Mr. Joe ‘Bunny’ Parker

The other top party, which is one of my favorite events of the weekend, is Sunday Church at the Hidden Door. It’s a fun and relaxed atmosphere made all the better by the one and only Mr. Joe Parker. The first time I went to the Hidden Door was on Easter weekend and Mr. Parker got the idea to put on a pair of bunny ears and dance for everyone to see. To say that he’s hot is an understatement. With his ginger beard and perfect body I spent the whole afternoon drooling. I was more then happy to see that he has made it a yearly tradition. This year was no different and he was in all his bunny glory. (and just as sexy as every)

The rest of the weekend was spent underwear shopping at Skivvies, brunch at Black Eyed Peas’s, and and more free drinks in the hospitality suite. I love TBRU because it’s the most organized event I’ve ever seen and it’s full of hot tasty men. This year they set a record with over 1700 men registering. The final gift from the TBRU gods was an entire row to myself on the plane ride home. A perfect end to a perfect weekend.

Brunch at Black Eyed Peas

A special thanks goes out to my friend and roomie Justin. Traveling with friends can always be tricky but we made a great team. He also gave me the best advise I’ve gotten in a very long time. I always tend to be a love pessimist but he got me to change my outlook and take a chance on the guy who I’ve been crushing on. Justin has an amazing insight into feelings and relationships that comes from a very centered and caring place. I joked with him that if I’m his fashion guru, he’s my dating guru.

It’s sad that TBRU is over, but I look forward to another year of booze, bears, and bunnies.

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Updating

I’ve been on vacation for over a week and did not have access to my laptop. Sorry for the lack of updates. I’m typing away and a new post should be up by tomorrow morning.

Check back soon!

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