Merry Christmas

I’m a great gift giver. Not to toot my own horn… but Toot Toot! Because of budget, having a small family, and other factors, I only buy presents for my sister and parents. I miss coming up with thoughtful gifts for people so I decided to create a celebrity holiday gift list. If these celebs were in my life, here is what my shopping list would look like:

Oprah: Designing Women Season 1 on DVD. Oprah’s OWN network is struggling. Every show is inspirational and thought provoking. BORING! Give me simple funny comedies. Cable networks survive on reruns and Oprah needs to jump on the band wagon. I suggest Designing Women and Murphy Brown.

Singita Grumeti Reserves

Kim Kardashian: A month long vacation at the Singita Grumeti Reserves in Tanzania. I like Kim K and the family, but they have suffered from over exposure. Let’s be honest, the public is sick of them. She needs to get out of the spot light for a while. No cameras allowed.

Michelle Bachmann: A heterosexual man to love and care for her. That women needs a man to bend her over and fuck her brains out.

Will Smith: A year subscription to Enough said.

Adele: A Turtledove Crystal Britannaia Skull Clutch from Alexander McQueen. Adele is a super star now and I’d love to see her step out with and edgy style. My ideal look for her is classic British style with a twist.

Lea Michelle: Humility

Angelina and Brad Pitt: A fake donation to the charity of their choice. They have everything, I’m not spending any of my money.

Charlie Sheen: A trany hooker with a hidden camera. I think it’s time he had a sex tape.

Beyonce and Jay Z: A sequin ruffled hooded sweat shirt for the new baby.

Ashton Kutcher: A new hat. Ashton has never met an ugly hat he didn’t love.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: A blow job. Trust me, it’s the only thing he wants.

Osama Bin Laden: Oops you’re dead. What’s hell like?

Occupy Protestors: A shower and a shave. I totally support your right to protest and stand up for what you believe in. With that said, you’ve slept in a tent for 2 month… it’s time for a nice steam shower with some lavender body wash.


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