The Fashion Dropout

Kanye West
Kanye West wants to be a fashion designer. Hold your eye roll… He’s been working hard on his line which finally debuted last week at Paris Fashion Week. He’s trying to go the road of a serious fashion label, not just a raper with a clothing line. Celebrities turned designers are rarely successful. The holy trinity of success being Gwen Stafani’s LAMB, Victoria Beckham, and The Row by Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Kanye isn’t that good yet, but the cloths were decent. Nothing exceptionally great… but not bad for a first try. The 23 looks were a mish-mosh of black, white, and beig, most mixed with fur. From the pictures it reminded me of a season finale on Project Runway, the idea of luxury but there’s still something missing. All of the reviews I’ve read mentioned a problem with fit. Look at the black pants on the left. They look too long and the leg opening is a wierd boot cut. Over all I’d give it a B. The big test will be in 6 months when he has to put out another collection. Will be grow and learn or sink and suffer? For the record, I like Kanye West’s music a lot. Most people think he’s an asshole, but at least he has talent to back up his bullshit.

 
Above: Victoria Beckham, LAMB, The Row
 
 
 
 
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Big Love

What’s the newest trend in the gay community? The second boyfriend! Now that we have marriage in New York, the gay trend setters have decided they want more. More I tell you! It’s a controversial topic in the straight world, but gay men have figured out that they won’t find fulfillment from just one person. Open relationships have been around since the beginning of time, but the new development is a permanent third. Polyamory, most common in hippy commune communities and the Mormons religion, is starting to infiltrate queer society. Currently I know 5 couples that have brought a permanent 3rd into their relationship. From what I can tell the arrangements can vary from triad to triad. Some are and equal partnership amongst all three members and some are situations where one person has two boyfriends. But inquiring minds want to know… with a triad is double penetration required? (I’ll do some more private investigating on that matter) While the site of three gay men together elicits gossip and glares, everyone involved seems to be happy from what I can tell.

If you want to get on board with this trend, here are some suggestions to finding your second soul mate:

-You already have a partner to fall back on, so for boyfriend #2 try something new. Take inspiration from the Paris runways and go ethnic. Asians are always sleek and sophisticated and Brazilians are notoriously good at Jenga.

-Look far and wide. Over half of the triads I know have a member who are or were out of state. Why not plan ahead and snag a man in your favorite vacation destination such as Hawaii. That way you’ll have a free place to stay next year.

-Guys named Trevor are the best gardners while men named Butch are the best in bed. Choose accordingly.

I sollute the gay pioneers of love and sex. One day Facebook will recognize your union(s) and allow multiple relationship status picks.

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Happy Anniversary

Today is the One Year Anniversary of the Gay Gasp. It just occurred to me now that my anniversary date is 10/10/10. The funny thing is that I can’t remember if I did that on purpose or if it was a divine mistake. We’ll just say it was on purpose. My first year has been a successful one. I love that you enjoy reading my rambling and I’ll continue to try and keep it new and interesting. Call it a gay cliché but part of my inspiration was Carrie Bradshaw’s column on Sex and the City. This blog is my version of magazine column. A bit of fashion, sex, observation, and life experience hopefully done in an amusing way.

When I started this blog I was in a shitty point in my personal life. Hopefully this didn’t show through that much. I’ve tried very hard to edit out a lot of my emotional bullshit. Basically, I was broken. But in a small way the Gay Gasp has given me something to focus my time and energy on rather then dwell on the past. I’m glad to say as summer started my mood improved and it’s gotten better ever since. I’m stronger and I’m fighting the good fight.
The Gay Gasp will continue for many more years. Interestingly enough, the original title I wanted to use was Plan B, but the name was already taken. I think it worked out for the best and I wouldn’t change a thing. But enough about the past…let’s focus on the future. What’s next for the GG? I’ll continue to update as much as possible. Check back on Wednesday for “Big Love.”

*I’d like to give a special thank you to my friends Stan, Steve, and Justin. You were there for me and answered my calls. It means a lot to me.
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Joe’s Spank Me Time

This is Brandon Sheets. He was on The Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno last night, with his father, promoting their show Storage Wars. He’s also FUCKING HOT! With such an adorable face and a thick build… I would do dirty dirty things to his naked body. I’ve never seen the show, but now I may have to tune in (with no pants on). Catch Storage Wars Wednesday at 10pm on A&E. 
P.S. To all my fellow internet stalkers out there, find more pics of him! Naked is always A+

My Soundtrack

If you had to create a soundtrack for your life, what songs would be on it? I created my list last night at 3am when I couldn’t sleep. Some of the songs remind me of a specific time in my life (Pink) while others are tunes I used to be obsessed with (Blur). It was also fun to take a trip down music memory lane… I haven’t listened to 10,000 Maniacs in decades!

Joe’s Life Soundtrack:

Pearl Jam-Daughter
Tori Amos- Cornflake Girl
Whitney Houston- Same Script Different Cast
Whitney Houston- I Have Nothing
10,000 Maniacs- Because the Night
Gwen Stefani- What You Waiting For
Pink- Glitter in the Air
Blur- Great Escape
Filter- Hey Man Nice Shot
The Cranberries- Zombie
Imperial Teen- You’re One
Deborah Cox- Absolutely Not
Beyonce- Satellites
Lady Gaga- Bad Romance
Lady Gaga- Paparazzi
Rihanna- Only Girl in the World,
Rihanna- Don’t Stop the Music
Hole- Miss World
India Arie- Video
Kelly Rowland (w/David Guetta)- When Love Takes Over
Missy Elliot- 4 My People
Florence and the Machine- Dog Days Are Over
Adele- Hometown Glory
Adele- Rolling in the Deep
Madonna- Celebration
Madonna- Like a Prayer
Madonna- Hung Up

Madonna- Vogue

The Gay Gasp Investigates

The Golden Girl has been in re-runs for decades and I can still watch it over and over again. The Nanny is headed in that same tradition. If you’re like me, you watch them both. I never get tired of either show and they remain funny as the years go bye. Why do both shows capture the attention of a gay audience so easily? Maybe it’s because they have a lot more in common then you’d think. Many of their episodes have similarities, while others are just drown right the same plot. If you don’t believe me see for yourself:

Plot:  Were you switched at birth?

The Nanny: Fran gets a call from a black women claiming to be her real mother
Golden Girls: Sophia’s long time friends claim Dorothy and Gina where switched at birth

Plot: Jeopardy

The Nanny: C.C.’s father gets Fran on the game show and she wins
Golden Girls: Dorothy tries out for Jeopardy but doesn’t make it on

Plot: The Sperm Bank

The Nanny: Fran is think about having a baby on her own
Golden Girls: Blanche’s daughter visits Miami and wants a baby

Plot: Childhood nanny back in town

The Nanny: Maxwell’s childhood nanny pays a visit
Golden Girls: When Blanche’s father dies, her childhood nanny come back to town

Plot: In love with a thief

The Nanny: Fran is purposed to by man who later steals jewelry as they are ring shopping
Golden Girls: At Blanche’s Midnight Madness party, a british man steals her necklace

Plot: Held up at gun point

The Nanny: Fran and Sylvia are held hostage at a bank
Golden Girls: The girls are held up at Rose’s office before Christmas

Plot: Sister moves in

The Nanny: Fran’s sister moves in to cook while Niles is away
Golden Girls: Dorothy’s sister comes to Miami when she looses all her money

Plot: The pen pal

The Nanny: Val and Fran’s long time pen pal comes to New York
Golden Girls: The convict Blanche has been writing to gets out of prison

Plot: The boyfirend hits on her best friend

The Nanny: Val’s new boyfriend makes a pass at Fran and they get into a fight
Golden Girls: Dorothy’s doctor boyfriend hits on Blanche and they get into a fight

Plot: Feuding Family

The Nanny: Sylvia and her sister Aunt Rita haven’t talked because a fight at a party
Golden Girls: Sophia’s sister Angela comes to Miami and to continue their fight (which started at a party)

Plot: Date with a highschool classmate

The Nanny: Fran goes on a date with an old classmate who threatens to kills himself
Golden Girls: Dorothy goes out with the man who stood her up for her junior prom

Plot: Moving Out

The Nanny: Fran and Val move into an apartment in a gay building
Golden Girls: Rose moves out after a near death experience

Plot: Unclaimed Baby

The Nanny: Fran kidnaps a women’s baby my mistake on the subway
Golden Girls: A baby is left at the house after a marathon

Plot: Heart Attack

The Nanny: Niles becomes a pest when after his heart attack
Golden Girls: Stan moves in and takes advantage after his heart surgery

Meet the Boys

For the past couple years 3 boys have been an important part of my life. The pugs: Fitzy, Archie, and Doug. All three dogs belong to my sister but now all five of us are roommates in a 3 bedroom apartment.

This story starts 10 years ago. At the time my sister Sara was living in her first home as a newlywed. Wes, her ex-husband, had just become a Waterbury policeman and was consistently working the night shift. Understandably, she wanted a dog to keep her company as well as make her feel safe. So she did a lot of research into which small dog bread would be best for her lifestyle. In the end, it came down to either a pug or a shih tzu. She opted for the pug because Wes didn’t want a total girly dog. That’s when Fitzy came into our lives. He was a tiny little pug puppy brought home in the middle of winter. My sister couldn’t bear to bring this small helpless pooch out in the freezing cold to go to the bathroom. That’s why all three dogs are littler box trained. As time went on she felt guilty about leaving Fitzy home alone. He needed a friend. One year later Archie arrived. Both dogs bonded quickly and it stayed that way for several years. As they got older though, Sara started to worry about what would happen when they die. “If I get a third dog, I’ll still have a companion if something should happen to the first two.” Doug was brought home from the breeder 4 years ago to fill the void. Now we’re living happily ever after in West Hartford.
Ok, so happily ever after may be an over statement. Living with three dogs is a chore. Two dogs are perfect, three is one to many. Trust me on this, three is too much. Sara would tell you the same thing. We love them anyway though and they keep life interesting. It’s never a dull moment around here. Your heart melts when the look up at you with their big bug eyes and scrunched up little faces.

Daily Life

Fitzy– Each dog has a distinct personality. Fitzy is the oldest with a touch of anxiety and nervousness. The poor thing can never relax. He’s also the best trained. (best being a relative term) From the beginning Fitzy and I  have had a natural bond. I’m not sure what it is, but he’s always liked me best. We’re generally inseparable at home. I’ll be cleaning and doing chores and he’ll still follow every step I take like a shadow. If I stop for a moment he’s instantly sitting on the top on my feet. When I’m sitting on the couch he’s either on my lap or snuggled next to me.

Archie– Archie can be described in one word: Tongue. His tongue doesn’t really fit in his mouth. Even when he’s sleeping, it hangs out onto the pillow. This also is the reason why he’s most people’s favorite. Archie was the runt of his liter and therefore has a small head, big paws, and an over abundance of thick fluffy fur.  His nickname is “Piggy” or “the Pigman.” Unlike Fitzy, Archie is the most relaxed and easy going of all the dogs. You can almost imagine him like a stoner. The Seth Rogan of pugs. The only thing he wants is a soft pillow to lay on and a belly rub. He’ll sit for hours on end if you rub and scratch him. His other quirk is his nightly routine. Every night he walk about 4 laps around our apartment with a stuffed toy in his mouth whimpering and crying. It’s hysterical to watch.

Doug– Doug is the youngest and just coming out of his puppy phase. He still wants to be chased and play catch. Doug annoys the hell out of me sometimes. With Sara or anyone else, he’ll sit down and relax on the couch and behave. With me it’s a different story. He can never relax because he’s so excited to sit on my lap. He’ll literally stand on all fours and try to attach my face with his tongue. And he never gets tired of it…ever. Like Fitzy and I, Doug has grown to love my mother. When Sara brings them over for a visit, it’s usually a struggle to get him to leave.

I love all the pugs and the unconditional love is something that everyone needs. However, if I ever lived on my own I’m not sure I would get a dog. There is a tremendous amount of  money and responsibility that comes along with a dog. They take over your life and your home but they also fill it with love.

Random Facts:

Pugs shed. I can’t begin to describe the epic amount of hair in our apartment. We vacuum, we swiffer, we dust and it’s still not enough. It’s a loosing battle.
They have their own doggy dermatologist. Yes that’s correct. Fitzy and Archie go to a dermatologist for allergies. They’re also on allergy medication.

They love to sleep under a blanket. If you are sitting on the couch, one of them will come over and start to scratch at you thigh or waist. This is their way of telling you that they want you to put a blanket on your lap so they can sleep underneath it. No kidding.

We have to feed them specific amounts at specific times of day. (and they know when it’s dinner time…they have an amazing internal clock) If we left the food out all day, they would truly eat themselves to death.
Pugs like to be around people. Like most dogs, pugs like it when everyone is home.