Confidence has never been my strength, but in the last couple years I’ve lost what little I had. If you believe daytime talk shows, there is an epidemic of low self- esteem in this country. They blame advertising and the media for giving us impossible standards to live up to. Personally, my self-esteem (or lack there of) has nothing to do with the media. Seeing a hyper masculine muscle man on the cover of Men’s Fitness has little effect on my psyche. Personal interactions, fear, and prior mistakes have been much more damaging. The other major problem is that I’ve realized I’m a love pessimist. I was sitting on the deck at Rock’s, the local Albany bar, when I saw a cute guy in front of me. I could imagine 100 scenarios of why he wouldn’t like me, yet I struggled to think of one that turned out in my favor. That’s fucked up! Or should I say… my head is fucked up. I need to stop accepting defeat before I try. As Oprah would say, “You get what you expect out of life.” (I apologize for quoting Oprah)
Of all the areas of my life, I’m the most confident in my cloths. You could point and laugh all you wanted but it wouldn’t shake my opinion of my outfit. That’s not saying I know everything about fashion and it’s trends. Far from it. My confidence lies in my choice and opinion. When I pick something out I know I like it and no one can change that. A lot of my friends ask me for fashion advice and I’m happy to help. (I love getting cell phone shots from the dressing room) But if there was one tip I could give everyone, it’s to worry less about fashion rules or what you should or shouldn’t do and worry more about your own opinion. The only thing that really matters is if you like it and you think you look good. Fuck everyone else!
If I can say ‘fuck everyone else’ about my outfit, why can’t I say that about my love life. Now I need to take the confidence I have in my cloths and bring it to all the other parts of my life. I’m not sure how to do that exactly… but I’ll give it a shot. I sometime think it’s easier to start acting the part and eventually your mind will catch up.
What are you most confident about? A certain talent, physical feature, career success, charm, conversation skills?
If I ever found a genie in a bottle one of my wishes would be to spend a week as a ‘beautiful’ person. We all know those friends who are hot and their looks get them through life. You can lecture me all you want about personality and blah blah blah. But you have to admit there are people who don’t need confidence. I would love to know what that’s like.
There is a great Sex and the City episode about this from season 3: Attach of the Five Foot 10 Woman. It talks about how we can see all the best qualities in our friends yet we only see the negative in ourselves. It’s worth a watch.