James and the Giant Asshole

Merriam Webster defines Closure as:

an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality ; also: something (as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense

I wanted to make a post about closure. But I’m not sure what I can write to give the topic a new slant. So instead I’ll tell a story: Several years ago I had a very close friend ‘James.’ He lived with his partner of three years and I was the “other woman.” His relationship consisted of constant fights over cheating on both side. ‘Lets get mad and scream at each other even though we both are doing the same thing’ was often the theme. (Hold your eye roll, it gets worse)  James had always told me how much he loved me and how we should move in together and date and blah blah blah. But I always held back because he had a boyfriend. I would only consider dating him once he was fully broken up and single. Time went on and we became very close as his relationship became even more of a trainwreck. His relationship finally ended one night when I got a call in the middle of the night to come and pick him up at the Yale New Haven Psych Ward. From there I drove him to his apartment with a police escort to pack up his belongings. The next moring I put him on a plain and he flew home to his family in Maryland. Coincidentally enough we had been planning a visit to Baltimore for the following week. So as planned I flew down the next week to visit and see how he was holding up. In that short week a lot happened. Here in Connecticut I started to let my emotional guard down becuase he was finally single. I even considered moving to Baltimore. (Commence eye roll) During that same week in Maryland, James found the new love of his life. So 7 days later when I flew down with my heart on my sleave I was horrified to find that I had already been replaced. I’ve started to realize being replaced is a theme in my love life.

At this point in our story you might be asking how this relates to closure. Good Question! While I was on this emotional gun shot of a vacation, James and I had a very honest conversation. He told me in simple terms “I don’t love you as much as I love Paul, I have never loved you as much as I love Paul and I never will.” Yes this was heart breaking to hear and I was devistated. However it was total closure. I was over it after a week or so. When you are told very clearly ‘why and why not’ there are no other questions to ask. It was the best thing that could have happened. I also avoided a disastrous move. Yikes! With all this said, if your relationship/friendship looks grim and doomed you may as well get it all out in the open. Be honest and tell them all the feelings you’ve been holding back or get answers to the questions that will keep you up at night for the next year. From my experience the other person will not always want to open up and share their feelings but the most you can do is own up to and resolve your side of the situation. Like Salt said “Life is to short in this crazy world to let a fight go on.”

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