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Joe’s Spank Me Time
Month April 2011
Old, New, Borrowed and Blue
Wedding: The word brings to mind broken budgets, overbearing families, and out dated traditions.
I should begin by saying that I generally don’t like weddings. (as you can probably tell) The meaning of the union is often lost in pomp and circumstance. Seating charts, food, center pieces, and invitations should not be the focus of the day. Prince William is getting married this Friday and it will no doubt be a huge gold encrusted event. But I give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure he doesn’t have much say in the matter. But I’d be curious to know what he would choose if he really could have the wedding he wanted.
I’ve never been to a gay wedding but I wonder if they bring the stereotypical trappings of a straight affair? When you really think about it, should gay weddings mimic their straight counterparts anyway? We are not heterosexual and yet a lot of couples copy the traditions of straight culture. Much of the tradition and ceremony attached to a marrying comes from the deep roots of religious and heterosexual politics. For example: The bride is walked down the isle and “given away” to her new husband. I’m sure there’s a Women’s Studies major out there writing a thesis on the topic as we speak. I’m not saying large weddings are bad. I just think your wedding day should be a very personal expression of your love.
What is your perfect wedding? Formal and fancy or fun and familiar? I tend to lean toward the casual and relaxed attitude and dressed up formality has never appealed to me. There are two ideas I like best for my wedding:
1. The Wedding Surprise- Invite everyone you know and care about for a relaxed engagement party. Tell them gifts aren’t necessary. After a bit of socializing surprise the guests with a wedding ceremony.
2. The Escape Wedding- Rather then deal with all the trappings of a large family wedding, run off to a tropical island and getting married in a very quiet and private ceremony.
Have your wedding your way and don’t worry about what other people will think. ( Including me!) I only ask that you stay away from Calla Lilies and the Electric Slide. *Shudder*
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Write Your Own Joke
He won the trophy for drinking his poisonous punch the fastest the cult meeting.Everyone needs a picture of the first time they were drunk.
At least he’s got a big dick….
“Just make sure and only take the picture from the waist up.”
Dear RuPaul, I would be perfect for the next season of Drag Race because…
Just because they make it, doesn’t mean you should wear it
A rare picture of a scientologist’s ceremonial dress.
WINNING!
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The Word of the Lord
You bet your ass it can.
Preach!
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A Belly-Lover’s Haiku
Rest it on my head
While I am on my knees
And I will swallow
If I Ever Had A Tattoo…
Crayons are my current throw back obsession. One of the greatest pleasures in life is a new 64 count box of Crayola Crayons. I always hessitated to use the the first stick because I wanted to keep them new for as long as possbile. Crayons and coloring books are simple joys that instantly bring me back to childhood. I’ve decided if I ever get a tattoo it will be a 64 pack of crayolas.
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Public Porn
http://www.gaytube.com/flv_player/skins/new/player.swf
I’ve noticed recently that there is a growing trend in pay for porn sites. Getting fucked in public is the next big thing. (and I’m all for it) Sites like OutinPublic.com and ThugHunter.com are all about plowing ass where ever and whenever they get the chance. But I’m curious? How do they film these videos. Obviously most of it is a set up, but where does the set up end? I guess I’m just curious how much of it is fake? Are the “customers” walking in the background just paid extras? I would think sites like this are pretty tight on cash so the budgets aren’t big enought to pay that many people. But much like the “straight guy gone gay” sites, the overwhelming number of videos suggests that it all just a fantasy. Oh well. I should stop over thinking porn and enjoy the ride. Maybe I’ll add this to my to do list for the summer. Anyone want to fuck me in public this summer?
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Helpful Tip #22
Back up your important information- Specifically everyone’s phone number. I’ve never had my phone crash and die but in case I do I’m prepared. Originally my back up was a crude hand written paper with everyone name and cell phone number on it. Then I had a much better idea! I use Yahoo as my main email service and I took all of the phone numbers and inputed them into the contact section on Yahoo Mail. (Most email service offer this basic features) Yes, creating new contact information can be tedious and time consuming if you know a lot of people. A lazy version of this is to quickly type all the phone numbers in an email and send it to yourself. Save the email in a separate folder and you’ll always have it when you need it. (I email myself important info all the time) While you’re at it try and get the person’s address too. The great thing about having it saved electronically is that you can access it from anywhere. If your cell phone ever dies or is stolen now you’ll have a back up plan. We’ve all seen the Facebook updates: “I lost my phone and all my contacts. Text me your number.”
If you have a persons address it can also save you in a couple a key situations. For example, one of your close friends has a death in the family and you want to send a card or flowers. You’ve been to their house…but what’s the street number and zip code? Nothing is worse then having to ask someone for their address just before sending them something.
P.S. If you need someone’s address you can visit http://www.spokeo.com/. It’s strangly accurate.
A Must Have!
Go out and buy these shorts now! These H&M shorts may look unassuming but they hide a secret. They are the best pairs of shorts I’ve owned in a long long time. I first stumbled on them by accident last year. I picked up a white pair on a whim and I wasn’t even sure they’d fit me. When I tried them on for the first time I quickly discovered that they make your ass AND crotch look great. Trust me. For simple shorts… you will get noticed! I’ve always gotten rave reviews with them on. At $24.95 they won’t break the bank either. If you’re worried about size…H&M does run slim. However these shorts are more forgiving then you’d think.
Jennifer VS Britney
All of my iTunes music is stored on my desktop computer which is about 7 years old and take about 1/2 hour to fully start up. So when I got a new laptop I decided it was time to make the long needed switch over. Needless to say the process was a pain in the ass and I was up until about 2:30 am. Luckily it’s done and now I can download easier and more often. Two of my first choices were Britney’s new song is Till The World Ends and JLo’s single is On The Floor. Both songs are good but when you watch the video’s there is a clear winner. Although Jennifer Lopez was named People Magazine’s Most Beautiful Woman, she can’t compete with Spears. JLo’s video isn’t bad but most of her dance moves consist shacking her hair extensions. And what’s with the feather collar? Good job Britney, you win round 1. As a side note: I hate when iTunes doesn’t load the correct album cover or shows it as blank! At least an hour was spent just updating album covers.
The Gay Gasp 